With friends like these…

After school today (Wednesday, so half day off) Car- and I went to Melb Central and Eu- came along except she went off to meet up with Thomas (I guess it’s safe using his name, right? I don’t even know him personally) her orchestra friend. Car- was looking for jumpers for me, for my birthday (which, ah, is about a month and a half ago) and then I went to have a look at earrings (because I can take these starter ones off soon) but Car- wasn’t much help with earrings because she doesn’t have pierced ears. So, next week Stoner and I might go check ’em out.

Anyway, so while Car- and I were just walking around Melb Central trying to kill time I mentioned to her how I want to change my name (socially) into Alex. Actually, I didn’t mention it was Alex just that i wanted to change my name. We were looking at 3 little dogs, and Car- said one should be named Fluffy, and then gave me that grin. Anyway, I named them Alvin, Megan (Car- named her) and Kenny, but we didn’t buy them. When we came back a few minutes later someone took Alvin away…

So, anyway, I mentioned that I wanted to change my name and asked her whether she would start calling me by my new name (I asked Sonam and April and they said, “only if you really want us to”) and she just guessed that I wanted Alex (according to her, I’ve wanted to be called Alex “for…a while”) but it got a bit weird when she said that she would call me Lex as a nickname (because, I have not told anyone, but I’d wanted someone to mention calling me Lex as a nickname).

What was the point of that? No idea.

When I mentioned this to Dani (D.M. previously. I got her consent) she said that she rather liked the name Alex as in Alexander. Then, she thought about it, and said, “I’m going to call you Xander instead. Forget the Alex part.” So I guess with her she might call me when I do change my name. Which, in case you wonder, would probably be after graduation.

Also, Dani offered for me to stay at her place when I’m in Uni. As much as I’d love to take up that offer – and I thought about it, I did – I don’t think I could! My parents for one would be the biggest hurdle, and then there’s the shameful fact that I can’t really be independent. I mean, Dani’s been independent since Yr 9 so she’s got nothing to worry about but I still don’t know how to COOK! What the hell am I meant to do if I suddenly move out?

Ah, perhaps I’d have to tolerate the oppression for a little bit longer, and then, if I fight for it, I can finally get out.

Sorry, I just noticed that my blog title was “with friends like these…”

I wrote that because, afterwards Bee, Eu-, Car- and I sat outside Harajuku Crepe store, and while Bee was devouring her chocolate crepe we sat there and talked and laughed, pretty loudly. The seats were outside, so every time we said something dumb, or loud, we would attract looks. And, the best part was, we didn’t give a shit. So what if we all looked like idiots? They can think what they want, but I loved every moment of sitting there with the wind in Eu-‘s hair like Celion Dion on a rampage, and Bee literally choking on her laughs, and Car- making man jokes about me (as you would) and just generally laughing along with every lame and precious comment we make. Would we still have those moments when we’re older? I know that as we get older we’re going to have a lot more problems – Bee already does, and would we ever find the time and the peace of mind again to just sit down on a windy day and talk and laugh until Bee chokes? What kind of future wouldn’t hold that?

I read Dani’s blog just then. It was, honestly, depressing. But not in the “oh my god why does she have to write that” kind of depressing but the “such is life” kind of depressing. It was definitely powerful. I feel inadequate and immature, not having experienced anything life changing or altering. The closest I’ve come to death was when I didn’t look when crossing a road and a car merely missed my foot, and when I was trying to learn to swim and while doing the backstroke, I started sinking and my teacher was concentrating on another student. For those 4 seconds I really thought something bad was going to happen, but then her hands lifted me up again. Eu- wants to take me swimming. I know her intentions are good, but I honestly don’t think she knows how scared I am of drowning (ironically, that’s what’s stopping me from learning to swim).


De Fluffe, Out.