If The World Ends…

We all know about the scientists in Geneva making the machine that could possibly create a black hole that could kill us all. I’m not into science so I can’t use big terms, but I know what it means if a black hole happens in Switzerland or, for that matter, anywhere near Earth.

And if the world had ended today, would I care? Would I have been sad that I didn’t get to say the things I wanted to? Would I have been regretful of the things I couldn’t have achieved? I don’t know. I was in a very indifferent mood today.

I just received an email from Bee. And it killed my indifferent mood. It killed just about everything I’d wanted to write tonight because all the problems that I felt today just seemed incredibly trivial and childish compared to what she wrote in her email. And despite the fact that she may protest, I have decided not to write what I wanted to. I don’t feel it anymore, anyway. There’s no point in posting if I don’t care anymore.

It’s still in the back of my mind, but it’s so far away. And Time is just so important right now.

I wanted to walk home but my mom wouldn’t let me. After a bit of talking however, she let me out of the car at the start of my street and I walked the 4 minutes to my house. A bit dumb I know but I really wanted that time alone. I walked past a house I never looked at, and noticed their beautiful red flowers – I don’t know the name but you don’t need to know a name to appreciate beauty – and I noticed that it had slipped into warmness. On Saturday it will be 23, so I have decided on that day I want to take a long walk. Not with my parents, so I’ll have to convince them somehow.

I was in a better mood when I arrived at my front door, even though the atmosphere at home was oppressive. It was the flowers that cheered me up. And when I saw them I thought of Bee and how she would’ve loved to have walked past them.

It was too beautiful today. It is not fair. I didn’t deserve to have walked past the beauty and had the nice thought. I feel guilty even for thinking ahead to Saturday and the long walk I will have in the warm sunshine – despite my hatred for heat, I’m still human enough to like some warm alone time – but I still want to take that walk. For her. For them.

I love you, Bee. I love you and I admire you so much. I don’t know what else to say around you, but you are, day by day, becoming that constant in my life. And I didn’t even notice it until now.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Even though my blog stat count is rising, no one is commenting. Well, I don’t mind, really. I didn’t write anything of substance the last few days. I hope that Bee will read this.