If The World Ends…

We all know about the scientists in Geneva making the machine that could possibly create a black hole that could kill us all. I’m not into science so I can’t use big terms, but I know what it means if a black hole happens in Switzerland or, for that matter, anywhere near Earth.

And if the world had ended today, would I care? Would I have been sad that I didn’t get to say the things I wanted to? Would I have been regretful of the things I couldn’t have achieved? I don’t know. I was in a very indifferent mood today.

I just received an email from Bee. And it killed my indifferent mood. It killed just about everything I’d wanted to write tonight because all the problems that I felt today just seemed incredibly trivial and childish compared to what she wrote in her email. And despite the fact that she may protest, I have decided not to write what I wanted to. I don’t feel it anymore, anyway. There’s no point in posting if I don’t care anymore.

It’s still in the back of my mind, but it’s so far away. And Time is just so important right now.

I wanted to walk home but my mom wouldn’t let me. After a bit of talking however, she let me out of the car at the start of my street and I walked the 4 minutes to my house. A bit dumb I know but I really wanted that time alone. I walked past a house I never looked at, and noticed their beautiful red flowers – I don’t know the name but you don’t need to know a name to appreciate beauty – and I noticed that it had slipped into warmness. On Saturday it will be 23, so I have decided on that day I want to take a long walk. Not with my parents, so I’ll have to convince them somehow.

I was in a better mood when I arrived at my front door, even though the atmosphere at home was oppressive. It was the flowers that cheered me up. And when I saw them I thought of Bee and how she would’ve loved to have walked past them.

It was too beautiful today. It is not fair. I didn’t deserve to have walked past the beauty and had the nice thought. I feel guilty even for thinking ahead to Saturday and the long walk I will have in the warm sunshine – despite my hatred for heat, I’m still human enough to like some warm alone time – but I still want to take that walk. For her. For them.

I love you, Bee. I love you and I admire you so much. I don’t know what else to say around you, but you are, day by day, becoming that constant in my life. And I didn’t even notice it until now.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Even though my blog stat count is rising, no one is commenting. Well, I don’t mind, really. I didn’t write anything of substance the last few days. I hope that Bee will read this.

4 thoughts on “If The World Ends…

  1. i love you, Ruyi

    Your blog sounds so melancholy ..
    it makes me want to do anything, something to cheer you up or at least make you sound happier ..
    But then again, I’d probably make the situation worse :\

    I still love you lots though . Alex 😀


  2. D.P., thanks for your love, really. Your hugs and kisses do enough already. But this is not a thing you can fix, nor anyone.

    Haha melancholy. That’s what Vania and I call emos from now on. Melos. Emotional implies that they’ve other emotions as well.

    Love you,


  3. Alex,

    Despite the fact that I wasn’t mentioned in this one, I’ll post a comment anyway. I did the same thing on Wednesday. I took a long, long walk around my neighbourhood and noticing things I otherwise would have walked past and been oblivious to. I kept coming across these lovely backdrops I’d pictured BRuCE posing, all smiles, in front of. I’d already told Carmaine that we should walk around South Melbourne for those photos. She agreed to it. And it’ll be warm in the holidays. I’m sure we’ll have a good time.

    Let’s hope it all turns out okay.

    Love you.


  4. I must remember to keep mentioning you.

    I look forward to that day! Oh but Carmaine wants to wear formal-ish clothes, and I clearly don’t have any. May I see some of yours? You are possibly closer to my size anyway (chest wise, no, but otherwise, probably).

    Get well.

    That is an order.

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