In Bruges

Yesterday was the long-awaited Yr 11 formal. In fact all everyone talked about since Monday was the formal. Did you get your shoes? What earrings are you matching with your necklace? Are you going to color-coordinate your dress with your freakin’ eyelashes?!

Well, I didn’t go. And to be honest I was a bit regretful of that in the last minute, having heard Eunice and E.Pow rehearse their reindition of “You And Me” by Lifehouse. Of coures, then I realized that Ca- and Fra- are playing as well, damn.

Instead, Sonam, Tif- April and I went out. Vania was meant to come but she couldn’t, and bloody hell I didn’t realize until afterschool (because I had an excursion after recess, and I hung out with Carmaine and that during recess) so I had to call the little one up and mock-yell at her.

After my excursion to Art Deco I took the tram back to Domain Interchange and sat on the other side of the stop waiting for April to show. I saw a couple of people rushing back home and I bid them to have fun. Dani, April and I went to April’s place where I changed and where Aristarchus (April’s cat) showed his uptmost distain towards me. We then went to Dani’s apartment, where the halfie got ready. April and I went downstairs to Clarendon and grabbed a bite and coffee (soy latte with one sugar from the Coffee Club ONLY, for Dani) and went back upstairs. Then I watched the two videos that Dani recommended: Ahmed the Terrorist and Katherine Tate (I’ll attach them at the end of the blog) and April and I were off to meet Sonam and Tif-. We were late. Subsequently we got to Nova late. There we realized that the times were not what we thought, and Persepolis was out of the question, so instead we watched “In Bruges”. (Bruges, by the by, is in Belgium.)

It wasn’t too bad a movie – wasn’t my first choice but I more or less enjoyed it – and there were much swearing in the movie so it made us want to swear when we came out of it. I think one of the most memorable lines/scene was:

Harry: [smashes phone after being hung up on]

Wife: Stop! Honey, stop! Would you stop it! That’s an inanimate fucking object…

Harry: [screams] YOU’RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!

[later in the scene…]

Harry: (to wife) I’m sorry I called you an inanimate object before. I was upset. I did not mean it.

Or when Ken struggled up the tower after being shot in the neck (utterly impossible), tries to shoot Harry who was going to shoot the Main Character Ray, and realizes that the fog is blocking his view. The cinema, full of old farts, groaned in disappointment. Tif- laughed, “haha sucker.”

Ken then throws himself off the tower, and still has enough breath to say to a stricken Ray: “Harry’s coming. I’ll die now, I think…”

Totally impossible.

But nonetheless it was alright so I wasn’t too disappointed.

We then went to Achelya’s where April had to work, and Sonam and Tif- and I ate dinner. It was really loud in there! They played live Turkish music, and then at 9 when we were about to leave the belly dancers came. Yay. So we stayed 15 minutes more. Because, well…you should’ve seen ’em.

The three of us talked a lot during dinner. Very deep stuff. Sure the mood was slightly killed by the fact that in order to be heard over the music and the din (there was, would you believe, a hen’s party AND a 21st going on that night) we had to more or less go:

“SO WHICH FRIENDS DO YOU THINK YOU’LL KEEP AFTER YOU GRADUATE? HUH? WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

“I THINK MACROB CHANGED ME IN THE SENSE THAT IF I STAYED AT MY OLD SCHOOL…”

“WHAT?”

“HUH?”

“I HOPE THE MUSIC DOESN’T SUDDENLY STOP AND WE’RE JUST SCREAMING!”

I saw the pictures from Gi- today from the formal. Wow. Wow. Wowowowowowowowow. I ne’er knew my friends are so hot! Especially the photo of Gi- and D.P. simply took my breath away.

“Don’t stop, Don’t change, Stay beautiful
One life, Today, You’re irresistible
Get up, Get out, Stay wonderful
All this time is waiting for you
Don’t stop, Don’t change, Stay beautiful.”

Stay Beautiful – The Last Goodnight

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Of course I thought about you guys!

Ahmed the Terrorist

“Does your phone go da-nu-nunuuu?” Katherine Tate

“Nice belt”

It was one of those moments where life just seemed to have set up the perfect joke, but no one was really around to hear and share it with you.

From Vania’s blog you would’ve read that Tif- found this joke funny:

What did 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Well today I was in the car and I heard Hamish and Andy, and one of them (I can’t bet on it but I think it was Andy) was prank calling someone and applying for a job as Santa Claus. But he sounded REALLY depressed and boring. Anyway, to “pass” for the requirement, he said,

“I have this joke that my neices and nephew find funny. Okay, so ‘what did 0 say to the 8?'”

And I stopped. And I smiled. And at the same time as Andy I recited,

“‘Nice belt.'”

Ah perfect moments ruined by my mom not understanding why I was laughing.

On a more somber note:

R.I.P. Mrs Kent

And

Get well soon my beloved Dani. You scared me buddy! Don’t do it again! Take care of yourself, seriously!

You made me think about things. And you know I hate to think.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Tomorrow’s the big day! Not that I’m going but I’m a bit tempted now.

Feverish Delirium

I had the flu yesterday (I guess still do today but my kick-ass immune system finally kicked in again and I’m much better now) so I didn’t blog. I didn’t actually do anything yesterday after I came home from school early (first in my life, I swear). Luckily I didn’t lose my appetite so I had some dinner, watched Taken Out (shithouse show), kind of dazed through Australian Idol, lasted a few minutes of NCIS then hit my bed. Despite the sledgehammer in my head, I fell asleep quite quickly. At least much quicker than the nap I tried to take before dinner. That was 3 hours of lying in a bed that felt like an oven (something about a 39 degree temperature doesn’t mix well with a human body) and falling in and out of dozes. At some point my headache screamed, and I dreamt that someone actually came and kicked me in the head.

Anyway, in those initial 3 hours I had momentary dreams, some of them were images I conjured up to make myself feel better. The people that came to me in those dreams, who hugged me in my mind (as well as the 3 beautiful people who in reality texted me to wish me well) and whose laughter I held on to, I thank you. I know it sounds like a cliche movie moment, and I wasn’t dying or anything, but I felt like crap and remembering you guys made the crap go away, to put eloquently.

Finally, I want to apologize to Bee for possibly infecting her, Dani for not being there to hug her when she finally came back to school, Carmaine for failing to be by your side, and Moshi for making you do your Japanese Kaiwa early.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. I missed you.

Dear Dani

Dear [Dani] of mine,

writing blogs with true honesty is not easy, so I’ll try my best to be quite honest but

where do I start to express how I feel?

Today was a day of mixed emotions for me. Actually, recently I’ve been pretty up and down, which is quite worrying. Sometimes I don’t even know how I’m meant to react (you know me, I sometimes don’t react the way I really feel) but these days it feels like

all that I feel is what I hear

from others on how I should feel. And, for an odd, unknown and slightly scary reason, I seem to get hurt easily at anything people close to me say, and even if they say something jokingly, their

words rip and tear

and frankly, when a certain person so much as looks as me coldly or acts indifferent to me,

I find myself wanting to die.

That’s probably just me. People think that I am a very confident person, but I’m not that secure. In fact I may be borderline insecure. I know it’s pathetic, but when I feel lonely or unloved I can just shoot straight down, and it can be a pain, this insecurity;

if only this pain, this pain died too,

and it doesn’t hep that I don’t feel much love from my parents. A lot of people say that it’s just a phase but I honestly don’t see myself getting out of it. Sometimes I just want to leave now, and get them (my parents)

away, away from me.

As I sit here alone,

I’m thinking about what happened this afternoon, how Bee rushed home early and didn’t wait for me, so I got incredibly irritated and snapped at her on the phone. She texted me saying that she had a family emergency, and that she was really sorry. She was sorry despite her situation. And what did I do? I ignore the text. I don’t reply to let her know that it’s okay, that I can’t be angry at that.

I’m just thinking about everything that [she] said

and I wonder how people could say I’m a good person? I’m just a spoilt kid, who still believes that things happen for her own benefit. There are things I do, say, let happen, that are truly hurtful to other people, and I don’t even appreciate when they let it slide. For example today Sonam jokingly mentioned that she couldn’t wait for my funeral, mostly because I’ve already planned out a happy song (Bad Day, you know) and at a slip of the tongue she said it. I jumped down her throat saying how mean it was. She then brought up about how a while back I’d said to her and a couple of other people about her I had a dream that she’d gotten killed in a car crash. And it made me realize how insensitive I was to pass that story around just for a laugh, and how she’d let me get away with it but here I was not letting her.

Maybe after all, I was better off dead.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said this, but I really do value my friends. Without them I have nothing. I don’t want to lose them because of my own shortcomings. You too, Dani. This morning Bee was looking a bit down (perhaps an indicator but I was too blind to see it) and Carmaine, without a word, walked by her and effortlessly cheered her up. Her doing that, it reminded me of a morning when I wasn’t feeling too red-hot either, and Carmaine walked by me and paid me the attention that i needed, and said things to make me smile again. I try not to, but I take her for granted, a little bit, every day. And that time at DFO, when you were just there, and just kept at it and said things to make me smile and lift my spirits up. Honestly,

without you, my life [will go] down

and I will take this opportunity to thank you. Inadequate but I hopefully will have the rest of my life to keep repaying you. And my others as well.

I think my biggest shortcoming would be my loud mouth. I don’t know why but in my head things would sound alright but I’d say them and they’d be way out of line. When did I become so tactless?

This freak I became, my enemy.

Oh Dani, I’ve become my own enemy. The only thing standing between me and…the rest of the caring population is the fact that I have an indifference towards anything irrelevant to me. I’ve tried to care but sometimes I just can’t. I get sad in movies if the plot relates to me and my problems, but otherwise I don’t care. It is mild reassurance to me lately when I hear about a close friend’s problems and want to fix it (ie you and D.P.), because it means I do have compassion. But only rarely do I feel anything when someone dies, like when you cried when the member of Hawthorne Heights died. Is that just because I haven’t been exposed to too many things, or is it just me?

I don’t know…

Sincerely your’s.

Wondering why I wrote my blog like that? Watch this video. Dear Angel by April Sixth.

Although I put my blog to lyrics, I meant it seriously. I just thought that that song related.

De Fluffe, Out.