Last Christmas (and if you read my previous blog Jalix I wrote on that day) I was not happy. All through that night, I kept on hearing the song “Last Christmas”. The lyrics:
I gave you my heart,
But the very next day,
You gave it away.
To save me from tears,
I’ll give it to someone special.
Circled through my head.
I was thinking, would those words apply to me next Christmas? At that time, already, I had an inkling it would. And well a few days later (or weeks, I can’t remember the exact date I told him but I’m sure it was before the summer holidays finished) it seemed like at least the first part of that chorus would come true (sort of).
Then, I started wondering, would the second part come true? Would I be able to save myself from tears, and give my heart to someone special?
So far, no one really wants it.
I really don’t want to have to spend another bummy Christmas with my parents and having them invite over their loud fake family friends and HIM and having to sit through another Christmas like that. Of course chances are I will. I’ll just pretend that that day isn’t the real Christmas, and the day that I’ll spend with people who are actually fun is the real Christmas.
I wonder what New Year will be like this year. Last year I spent it at HIS place, wishing he’d damn make a move when the counter struck zero but, of course, nothing happened and I decided to kill the part of me that had hoped. I hope at least this year I’ll be excited and happy when the counter strikes zero, even if it means not being kissed. Actually, I think it’s rather awkward to kiss when the counter strikes zero unless of course everyone around you is doing it.
Thank you to Vania for inspiring me to write about Christmas.
De Fluffe, Out.