Cross My T’s And Dot My I’s

Today I wrote those letters (or rather, finished writing the letters) to those people. I discovered 2 things:

1. I can actually write straight and neat, but only in one letter.

2. I can write a LOT one minute and have a complete writer’s block the next. Which I know is usual for a lot of people.

I can’t wait until the recipients read the letters. Because then they’d know a small part of me. (“Can you feel it? Can you feel me inside of you?”)

Apart from that I didn’t manage to achieve much. I wrote Eunice’s and Dani’s before the weekend, and today I wrote Bee’s and Carmaine’s.

Right now, mom had just come home and immediately had started screaming at my dad. I wonder how much more of this he can bear before he really blows his top. And by that I mean either something directly towards mom or something kind of passive. Most of the time I can block her voice out but it does become hard sometimes. I hate that he doesn’t retaliate, and I hate how she’d not let something go, and would keep picking at it and picking at it.

Like when I lost my Metcard (which I know is stupid but just bear with me) I got a telling off which I know I deserve. But I figured she’d respect that I’m nearly an adult and know that I feel enough shame already, and punish myself and learn from my mistake, but no. She spends the whole day telling me what a disgrace I am, and how useless I am at looking after myself. She tells me that she’s sick (which she was, 2 years ago, for about a week) and that she’s always tired, yet she manages to find enough energy to scream at me at a volume that in other households would be considered as a full-heated argument. Once she came home and didn’t stop screaming from the moment she walked in, until dinnertime (dinner which dad and I cooked for her) and then after dinner as well. That’s of course, not mentioning the abusive names she call me. But I might be wrong. It could just be a Chinese tradition to call a husband an imbecile.

Whatever. I think I need to get myself a stressball. That, or more TV time. I’m lucky that I’ve found escape when I’m by myself, and friends when I’m with others. I’m not like some kids who have no one, and I’m not like some kids who gets bashed.

Crap, this blog turned emo.

Writing the letters was soothing, definitely. Because every word I wrote reminded me of the person I was writing to.

You should try it some time, just write a letter to a friend, best friend, sibling, family member if you have one you actually like…(which brings me to the point that my mom would openly and while I am around tell people my bad points, and even somehow make my good points into jokes or silly ideas, but STOP SHUT UP!) and tell them what you think of them, or what you’re thinking in general. Even if you never post the letter, it could still help you. I COULD take my own advice, write a letter to my mother, then burn it, but I don’t want to waste ink, paper nor time on her.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. My nose and chin (yep that too) has reached its final stages of peeling. Now it’s just dry. I’m going to use some of my scent-less moisturiser. It hurts like a bitch, my nose does. Thanks Julia for your suggestion.

P.P.S. Geez my blog’s a bit bipolar. I talk about how much I love my friends then WHAM how much I hate being at home. Then back to friends again then WHAM snap back to bad feelings.

9 thoughts on “Cross My T’s And Dot My I’s

  1. “(”Can you feel it? Can you feel me inside of you?”)” …… wow. that can be taken so many ways. =P lol

    I’m gonna go counsellor on you here. (just a warning) I think if you’re in a relationship and you didn’t marry for love and one partner is very dominant and the other very passive it comes to a point where the dominant one starts to resent the weaker one for their passivity. I’m not saying this is what’s going on with your ‘rents but it’s what I’ve witnessed happening with others. If that’s the case, it’s all down to communication and talking it out…but that only can take place if both parties are open to doing so.

    I’m sorry it’s been so tough sweetie, but as you know, I’m here for you. Sorry I didn’t call today! I’ll call tomorrow. Pinky promise. 🙂 Unless something drastically life-threatening happens before then (God in Heaven forbid)

    have to start my letters! Thanks for reminding me.

    Take care honey. *hugs*

  2. hmmm….it went all italic on me. sorry. only meant to put the “so” in italics…..yeah….I suck I know. =P Lucky I have you right?

  3. Hey Princess,

    That was a line from Family Guy.

    I don’t mind in the least bit when you go counsellor on me. I don’t really care about what happens with my parents either but I was just reporting what was happening. I don’t know if they married out of love. I mean, they never really do couple things anymore if that’s what you mean (I found pictures of back in 1999 and the most that they’d do in pictures was my mom linking arms with dad) and maybe they did marry because it was time (mom had me at 29 which is kind of late for a first child).

    I don’t know.

    I’ll await your call.

    Love you.

    P.S. You commented twice identically so I’ll delete one of them.

  4. thanks for deleting it =)

    mum had me when she was 35….that’s late.

    “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
    – Anais Nin

  5. That’s not bad a quote. I got a bit confused but I do get it. It’s like sometimes I think, “It’s like Bee and Carmaine and Eunice where born solely for my benefit ‘cos they’re here in my life in this awesome time.” but I have to remind myself that they had a life before me (ha). And I hope that for someone, I can make them feel like I was born solely for their benefit too.

    Okay fine prove me wrong. Geez. Chinese traditions you know. 29 is late. But fine. Fiiiiine [pout]

  6. Hi Alex:) Are you OK? Reading your blog is hard for me:P I need a dictionary!!!!! But I can study English here:)

    Good luck with you<3

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