Another chapter

Now, you’ll notice I titled my 4th chapter “How To Save A Life”. I’ll watch myself before I start titling every chapter after a song title. God save me if I start naming, say, Chapter 9 “Oops I Bit You Again”. Ooh witty pun there, wasn’t it? No.

What a fast update, you say? Well Chapter 4 is a little bit wishy washy. I know I haven’t gotten to the action yet. I will.

I ended up only writing 2 Chinese essays, and not a single spot of Detailed Studies which I really really really, with all honesty, have to get a crack on.

Tomorrow is Mai’s! She says that Karaoke might not happen. Well isn’t that just a kick up the bum.

[Looks around] nope I seemed to have covered everything.

Alex.

/edit Okay apologies, but I’ve got more! (Try to guess the original title and artist, and suggest some of your own! If you don’t get it because you didn’t read my writing project, basically make some sort of vampire joke in song titles…or alternatively go read my writing)

“I Bit A Girl (And I Liked It)”

“Big Girls Don’t Bite”

“Dead And NOT Gone”

“Bite Bite Bite” (“But it ain’t no lie baby bite bite bite”)

“As Long As You Bite Me”

Or go for the lyrics if you have to:

“You know, for me you’ll bleed yourself dry. For me you’ll bleed yourself dry.” (Ooh graphically dark)

“I’m not gonna bite you a love song…”

“She wiiiiiill..be bitten…she wiiiiiiill be bitten…”

Feel free to be as wrong as you like. The ones I wrote were kinda lame.

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Filing away

Today was my first day actually earning money. Carmaine, Bianca, Fel and I went to work at Walters and Partners doing random odd jobs around the office.

We, the four of us, managed to do nearly 1000 letters. That is, Fel managed the signing, Carmaine and I the folding and stapling/paper clipping, and Bee the putting-into-envelopes.

Then we had lunch. (Damn straight we did all that before lunch).

Carmaine and I re-organized the entire filing room, hauling big-ass folders back and forth. Go us, Carmaine! Muscle strength haha!

Then we joined Bee and Fel in some filing of alphabetical order crap thingy that took ages and hurt my back.

On the tram home there was a creepy guy who screamed loudly and swore a lot.

My first day of work! Not that exciting. I sorta wished it would be like The Office, but it was just normal.

I work on Thursday and Friday. Tomorrow I take day off to do Chinese homework. Wednesday is Mai’s.

Sorry about short sentences. I wasn’t sure what information I could reveal about the firm I work at, not that it’s a dodgy firm. Besides, BIG BANG THEORY IS BACK!

Alex.

“Wrong Dani!”

Those words were uttered by Dani to the other Dani upon catching her (the first Dani’s) boyfriend with the other Dani, who is not the first Dani.

I arrived at Bee’s Murder Mystery early, even though I’d timed myself to arrive after the bouncer, Al Capone, a.k.a Ryan. Ryan was late.

I tried to get in with the code that I’d cracked “The Night Is Young” but it turned out Bianca had sent a few of us fake passwords. I refused to pay Ryan money upon his arrival.

Everyone else arrived as 6:30 came upon us, all “dressed to the nines” (I don’t get the saying. Someone explain it?).

We started a confused game of Poker, waiting for “Big Jim” (Mash) to arrive. When he did, the night started.

Now, Carrie Crooner, aka Shaz, was meant to drop a note for me. However something happened and she dropped it without my noticing, and when we went back to find it, we realized Don Wannabe, aka Andrew, had taken it. Thus ensued about 20 minutes and a LOT of money paid to get the stupid note back.

To get the money, I actually had to go to Vicky Ravioli and Baroness Ravioli, (Carmaine and Felicia respectively) and threatened to tell “Big Jim” about our separate affairs if they didn’t pay me money.

Then, the first scandal of the night happened.

I made Carrie Crooner (please remember who they represent. Carrie was Shaz) talk to Don Wannabe (Andrew) to get the note back, and so to get some privacy they went into the bathroom.

Bee’s house…well the downstairs anyway, didn’t have many places where one can have a private conversation without being overheard, as we soon found out. So when Carrie and Don went into the bathroom, I informed Madame Meme (Dani) and “Big Jim” (Mash) that their respective spouses were in the bathroom with the other. And so several photos came out of that.

A lot of blackmailing, threats and fliratious “Hello Inspector” from D.P. happened (oops, to clarify, my character was Inspector Nutella – don’t ask). Then, the first murder of the night happened.

“Big Jim” was making a speech when the lights flickered (a few times too many) and SHOCK! “Big Jim” collapsed to the floor, shot dead.

And so I had to present the evidence. I was probably suppose to read them properly but never did.

After that, more blackmailing and extortion (not to mention money stealing and bra padding (with the money stolen)) happened.

3 more people died. Mayor Bumpkin (Mash’s 2nd character, who got killed again ‘cos he went and blackmailed Don Wannabe who then hired Al Capone (Ryan) who then got Sylvia (D.P…well Tranny Dani in this case because her character was initially male) to kill the Mayor…it’s complicated) was smashed to death by a brick in a purse. Rebecca Ravioli (Emily), daughter of “Big Jim” was poisoned by a poison flask by the door and Baroness Ravioli, mother of “Big Jim” (as acted by Fel, and also apparently having an affair with myself) was killed by an Ice Pick in the bathroom.

How did they get killed? Well, we were all given 10 minutes to go on a hunt for “weapon cards”. I teamed up with Vicky (Carmaine) but we failed (sorry Carmaine! I did work out “Shoes” though). We also drew for Action Cards but I got a blank. Emily got a “Truth Card” but I didn’t have any knowledge to impart (I spent most of the night lounging around).

Don Wannabe was caught in the bathroom AGAIN with Sylvia. That was when Madame Meme (Dani) went to Andrew, “Baby, wrong Dani.”

At the end of the night, we filled out a form detailing who we thought killed whom, and who was best dressed, and I got to read out the solution.

“Big Jim” Ravioli, the scripted murder of the night, was murdered by none other than his own daughter, Rebecca (Emily)! Turned out Rebecca had lied about her gun being stolen.

We know that the Mayor (Mash again) was killed by D.P. being hired by various people, all leading towards Don Wannabe.

I forgot who the Baroness was killed by, though.

Secrets were revealed, Eunice (Carrie Crooner’s mother whose Character name escapes me) is a prostitute, and it turned out Rebecca had secretly been married to D.P.’s transvestite character.

And my two women, The Baroness and Vicky Ravioli, were both seeing Toto Tequila (Greg) behind my back. Which was actually funny because Carmaine would come into the room and un-sussly grab Greg. We’d all hoot and yell “CRADLE SNATCHER!”

Look, dinner calls, and there isn’t much else to write. It was one of the funniest nights I’ve had in a long time! Happy birthday, Bianca (Cassandra Steal).

Alex.

Celeb Count 2

Today was the last day of Term 2! Wow, I still remember my posting about “the first day of the last” and now we’re halfway through. Time goes like a Zyrtec.

Celeb Count 2, okay.

After school, Carmaine, Julia and I went to Melbourne Central for Carmaine to do some shopping. For reference purposes, she didn’t buy anything.

They went into this store, apologies for not knowing the name, and Ly and I stayed outside in the “husband chairs”. Then Julia came rushing out, “Ruyi, you watch Neighbours right?”

“Sure,” I said. There’s no need to be embarrassed about it with Julia.

“I think the woman who plays Paul Robinson’s girlfriend is in there.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” so we got up and in the most UNSUBTLE way possible, walked into the store so I could have a chance to short-sightedly stare at the lady.

And yep, she has a shorter haircut but it was definitely “Rebecca Napier”, or Jane Hall as her actual name is.

So…2 celebs so far. No, we didn’t go say hi, because she was on the phone, but it was quite interesting to see a celebrity walking around shopping.

Alex.

Happy Buzz-day, Bianca!

(That was by far the best pun I’ve done in a long time)

Hey everyone! It’s Bianca’s birthday today, and she is now legally sue-able.

Okay, so basically what happened?

This morning I made sure I was on time for the train, and gave Bee a huge hug. Fel’s mom had given Bee some chocolates, which was rather nice of Fel’s mom. Carmaine was on at Glen Waverley, looking very cool with her purple (mauve?) beret.

Spanna got on at Mount Waverley, looking very very dead. I sort of pointed meaningfully at Bee, but all Spanna did was nod at me, until I had to say, “it’s her birthday today!” to which Spanna actually responded, surprise.

Shaz was boasting about how she got her text in first. I thought I’d’ve been first, except Bee actually said she hadn’t received mine at all. My heart broke into tiny tiny tiny little emo pieces. I showed her the text from my phone. (She told me later that she’d received it at 11:56 pm…)

We got to Flinders St, and a tired looking Dom wished Bianca happy birthday (yes I commanded him to). We went to Flawless Flowers and Bee bought herself flowers (? Don’t ask). We got to the tram stop and the tram announcer, the one who sings, was there. So as we passed him Emily and I asked him if he could wish our friend Bianca a happy birthday. So he did. And then he sang happy birthday to her. We laughed all the way onto the tram.

At school, I walked into the locker bay, with Bianca already inside, and said loudly, “What’s this? It’s Bianca’s birthday today? People should say happy birthday to her?” and of course everyone like the sheep that they are bid her happiness of the day. Then, when Period 1 started for Bee, I played my trump card.

I spent an entire evening on Monday drawing up an acrostic poem/poster for Bee. I didn’t have the insight to scan it so I can’t show it to you here, but I’d basically braved death by Sharpie fumes to draw Bee an A4 sheet of awesomeness. I stuck it onto her locker. Yes, she liked it. [insert huge smiley face]

Eunice and Mary made mini pancakes during recess in the Common Room, and Carmaine Dani and I nibbled on them. Bianca sort of floated around…and then I lost her.

Lunchtime! Bee was at a Formal Committee meeting, and I at Yr 12 Video. Then when we were done, I went to find Dani and April. Carmaine joined us after a while, and took the SLR which I was mucking around on.

Bee said bye because she had frees, and Carmaine and I went to slog it off in double Methods.

After school, Catherine and April went with me to ATO, then I took the train home with Catherine.

Then, something really awesome happened:

bee-note-compressed(Sorry, I didn’t scan it in properly…the date was blurry so I typed it in instead)

Whomever “Teddy” is, this is just a perfect birthday gift isn’t it? Maybe “Teddy” knew it was your birthday coming up, Princess.

And that’s about it. I know I tapered off the topic of Bee for a bit but I came back again, didn’t I?

Have a wonderful (rest of the) day, Bianca darling. Baby. Munchkins. Haha no no jokes. Have a good day and I look forward to Saturday.

Alex.

French Fries For Fingers

Alliteration kicks ass! Or no…alliteration = beastlike rapage ftwinrar!

Yes, this post will be about Dom.

Today I had 1 period. Teachers didn’t show up. Worst waste ever. Dani, Eunice and I went to Dani’s place after P5 ended, and Dani and Eunice went Op-Shopping whilst I went to her apartment to use the bathroom. Etah tried to kill me again.

Anyway, Andrew said do what you want, so I started playing Guitar Hero. I sucked after not playing for so long, and considering I was shit to start with…

Eunice and Dani came back, and Eunice played 2 games with me. Then she left because she needed to go home to make her dress for Bee’s.

Dom came over, but not without difficulty.

Instructions: Take the 112 to West St Kilda, when you see Coles pull the cord. Then call us.

Result: [ring ring]

Me: Hey Dom, where are you?

Dom: I think I missed it.

Me: Did you see Coles?

Dom: I didn’t see Coles.

Me: Where are you?

Dom: On my way to MSAC.

Me: You idiot. Get off, come back.

Dom: Oh I have Google Maps.

Dom came over and I told him to show Andrew how to play Guitar Hero well, because I know Dom is good.

He started on the Expert level.

And he was very, very, very good.

When there was a really really fast mad bit, Andrew Dani and I all turned to look at Dom’s fingers on the guitar neck to see how he does it. Andrew commented that his fingers look like French Fries.

Then, Andrew made the funniest, but rudest comment:

“Holy shit man, you can probably finger-fuck a girl faster than she can blink.”

D.P. came over after she finished her Spesh SAC, and we watched Dom and Andrew play a really hard song, whose name slipped my memory. Andrew was on Easy, Dom was on Expert. Andrew beat Dom. Oh shock. Then Andrew went on Medium. Andrew lost to Dom.

Anyway, I think Dani’s Guitar Hero controller is now well on its way to being broken.

I left them at Domain Interchange, no longer needing to buy things because I borrowed Andrew’s tie.

I tried all the clothes on when I got home. I looked alright. Very much looking forward to Saturday now.

I still need pants to work in.

Alex.