“Wrong Dani!”

Those words were uttered by Dani to the other Dani upon catching her (the first Dani’s) boyfriend with the other Dani, who is not the first Dani.

I arrived at Bee’s Murder Mystery early, even though I’d timed myself to arrive after the bouncer, Al Capone, a.k.a Ryan. Ryan was late.

I tried to get in with the code that I’d cracked “The Night Is Young” but it turned out Bianca had sent a few of us fake passwords. I refused to pay Ryan money upon his arrival.

Everyone else arrived as 6:30 came upon us, all “dressed to the nines” (I don’t get the saying. Someone explain it?).

We started a confused game of Poker, waiting for “Big Jim” (Mash) to arrive. When he did, the night started.

Now, Carrie Crooner, aka Shaz, was meant to drop a note for me. However something happened and she dropped it without my noticing, and when we went back to find it, we realized Don Wannabe, aka Andrew, had taken it. Thus ensued about 20 minutes and a LOT of money paid to get the stupid note back.

To get the money, I actually had to go to Vicky Ravioli and Baroness Ravioli, (Carmaine and Felicia respectively) and threatened to tell “Big Jim” about our separate affairs if they didn’t pay me money.

Then, the first scandal of the night happened.

I made Carrie Crooner (please remember who they represent. Carrie was Shaz) talk to Don Wannabe (Andrew) to get the note back, and so to get some privacy they went into the bathroom.

Bee’s house…well the downstairs anyway, didn’t have many places where one can have a private conversation without being overheard, as we soon found out. So when Carrie and Don went into the bathroom, I informed Madame Meme (Dani) and “Big Jim” (Mash) that their respective spouses were in the bathroom with the other. And so several photos came out of that.

A lot of blackmailing, threats and fliratious “Hello Inspector” from D.P. happened (oops, to clarify, my character was Inspector Nutella – don’t ask). Then, the first murder of the night happened.

“Big Jim” was making a speech when the lights flickered (a few times too many) and SHOCK! “Big Jim” collapsed to the floor, shot dead.

And so I had to present the evidence. I was probably suppose to read them properly but never did.

After that, more blackmailing and extortion (not to mention money stealing and bra padding (with the money stolen)) happened.

3 more people died. Mayor Bumpkin (Mash’s 2nd character, who got killed again ‘cos he went and blackmailed Don Wannabe who then hired Al Capone (Ryan) who then got Sylvia (D.P…well Tranny Dani in this case because her character was initially male) to kill the Mayor…it’s complicated) was smashed to death by a brick in a purse. Rebecca Ravioli (Emily), daughter of “Big Jim” was poisoned by a poison flask by the door and Baroness Ravioli, mother of “Big Jim” (as acted by Fel, and also apparently having an affair with myself) was killed by an Ice Pick in the bathroom.

How did they get killed? Well, we were all given 10 minutes to go on a hunt for “weapon cards”. I teamed up with Vicky (Carmaine) but we failed (sorry Carmaine! I did work out “Shoes” though). We also drew for Action Cards but I got a blank. Emily got a “Truth Card” but I didn’t have any knowledge to impart (I spent most of the night lounging around).

Don Wannabe was caught in the bathroom AGAIN with Sylvia. That was when Madame Meme (Dani) went to Andrew, “Baby, wrong Dani.”

At the end of the night, we filled out a form detailing who we thought killed whom, and who was best dressed, and I got to read out the solution.

“Big Jim” Ravioli, the scripted murder of the night, was murdered by none other than his own daughter, Rebecca (Emily)! Turned out Rebecca had lied about her gun being stolen.

We know that the Mayor (Mash again) was killed by D.P. being hired by various people, all leading towards Don Wannabe.

I forgot who the Baroness was killed by, though.

Secrets were revealed, Eunice (Carrie Crooner’s mother whose Character name escapes me) is a prostitute, and it turned out Rebecca had secretly been married to D.P.’s transvestite character.

And my two women, The Baroness and Vicky Ravioli, were both seeing Toto Tequila (Greg) behind my back. Which was actually funny because Carmaine would come into the room and un-sussly grab Greg. We’d all hoot and yell “CRADLE SNATCHER!”

Look, dinner calls, and there isn’t much else to write. It was one of the funniest nights I’ve had in a long time! Happy birthday, Bianca (Cassandra Steal).

Alex.

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