Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break.
I want to hit something. I want to kick at it, beat at it, until it buckles underneath me. I want to make you hurt. I want to make you realize how much you hurt me by making you hurt. And then when I do that I’ll kill myself. I never thought that I’d want to hurt you but I want to hurt you, and if I ever do I won’t let myself get away with it.
I don’t hate you. I hate that you assume that. I love you, but I don’t know what I love. I love everything about you and yet when I think about it I can’t even define one thing that I love. And I hate that. I hate that you think you can say anything you want to me, and I’ll let you off the hook. Because you do, and I do.
I’m a confused vessel of pain right now. A depressed wreck. I don’t see where I’m going, I don’ t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where I’ve been, and I can’t be sure if I’ve done what I thought that I haven’t.
And I just need a light to guide me through it. I need a hand to pull me out of the depths. I need an embrace to keep me from the edge. I need a fire to melt the blade that is against my throat.
The time bomb within my heart will one day reach zero, and I’ll be blown into countless pieces, shattered beyond repair, beyond anything any amount of love can heal.
That day is near.
Alex.
the life and laughs of me 
Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
A starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations, yeah!
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
I just wanted to hold
If you see Natalie
Send along this message
I know that you’ve been through
An awful lot of late
Girl,
Steady the trembling hand
That’s what you do
Girl,
Steady your trembling hands
Then see what’s in front of you
Friends and fortune-tellers
They all say you’re gonna die
If you don’t brighten up
You know you gotta try
Girl,
Steady the trembling hand
That’s what you do
Girl,
Steady your trembling hands
Then see what’s in front of you
If you see Natalie
Send along this message
You may not need this world
But this world needs you here
Girl,
Steady the trembling hand
That’s what you do
Girl,
Steady your trembling hands
Then see what’s in front of you
You might not feel it now
But you’re gonna get there
And see it somehow
You’re gonna be alright, girl
The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you’ve already figured out
I’m falling apart
I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I’m holding on (I’m holdin on)(I’m holdin on)
I’m barely holding on to you
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I’m an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They’re still looking for life
I’m falling apart
I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I’m holding on (I’m still holdin on)(I’m holdin on)
(I’m still holdin on) (I’m holdin on)
I’m barely holding on to you
I’m hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I’m hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven’t forgotten my way home
I’m falling apart
I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I’m holding on (I’m still holdin’)(I’m holdin’ on)(I’m still holdin’) (I’m holdin’ on) (I’m still holdin’)
Barely holding on to you (I’m still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you