One Step Closer

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break.

I want to hit something. I want to kick at it, beat at it, until it buckles underneath me. I want to make you hurt. I want to make you realize how much you hurt me by making you hurt. And then when I do that I’ll kill myself. I never thought that I’d want to hurt you but I want to hurt you, and if I ever do I won’t let myself get away with it.

I don’t hate you. I hate that you assume that. I love you, but I don’t know what I love. I love everything about you and yet when I think about it I can’t even define one thing that I love. And I hate that. I hate that you think you can say anything you want to me, and I’ll let you off the hook. Because you do, and I do.

I’m a confused vessel of pain right now. A depressed wreck. I don’t see where I’m going, I don’ t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where I’ve been, and I can’t be sure if I’ve done what I thought that I haven’t.

And I just need a light to guide me through it. I need a hand to pull me out of the depths. I need an embrace to keep me from the edge. I need a fire to melt the blade that is against my throat.

The time bomb within my heart will one day reach zero, and I’ll be blown into countless pieces, shattered beyond repair, beyond anything any amount of love can heal.

That day is near.

Alex.

3 thoughts on “One Step Closer

  1. Far away
    This ship has taken me far away
    Far away from the memories
    Of the people who care if I live or die

    A starlight
    I will be chasing a starlight
    Until the end of my life
    I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore

    Hold you in my arms
    I just wanted to hold
    You in my arms

    My life
    You electrify my life
    Let’s conspire to ignite
    All the souls that would die just to feel alive

    I’ll never let you go
    If you promise not to fade away
    Never fade away

    Our hopes and expectations
    Black holes and revelations
    Our hopes and expectations
    Black holes and revelations

    Hold you in my arms
    I just wanted to hold
    You in my arms

    Far away
    This ship has taken me far away
    Far away from the memories
    Of the people who care if I live or die

    I’ll never let you go
    If you promise not to fade away
    Never fade away

    Our hopes and expectations
    Black holes and revelations, yeah!
    Our hopes and expectations
    Black holes and revelations

    Hold you in my arms
    I just wanted to hold
    You in my arms
    I just wanted to hold

  2. If you see Natalie
    Send along this message
    I know that you’ve been through
    An awful lot of late

    Girl,
    Steady the trembling hand
    That’s what you do
    Girl,
    Steady your trembling hands
    Then see what’s in front of you

    Friends and fortune-tellers
    They all say you’re gonna die
    If you don’t brighten up
    You know you gotta try

    Girl,
    Steady the trembling hand
    That’s what you do
    Girl,
    Steady your trembling hands
    Then see what’s in front of you

    If you see Natalie
    Send along this message
    You may not need this world
    But this world needs you here

    Girl,
    Steady the trembling hand
    That’s what you do
    Girl,
    Steady your trembling hands
    Then see what’s in front of you

    You might not feel it now
    But you’re gonna get there
    And see it somehow
    You’re gonna be alright, girl

  3. The Broken clock is a comfort
    It helps me sleep tonight
    Maybe it can stop tomorrow
    From stealing all my time
    And I am here still waiting
    Though I still have my doubts
    I am damaged at best
    Like you’ve already figured out

    I’m falling apart
    I’m barely breathing
    With a broken heart
    That’s still beating
    In the pain
    There is healing
    In your name
    I find meaning
    So I’m holding on (I’m holdin on)(I’m holdin on)
    I’m barely holding on to you

    The broken locks were a warning
    You got inside my head
    I tried my best to be guarded
    I’m an open book instead
    And I still see your reflection
    Inside of my eyes
    That are looking for purpose
    They’re still looking for life

    I’m falling apart
    I’m barely breathing
    With a broken heart
    That’s still beating
    In the pain (In the pain)
    Is there healing
    In your name
    I find meaning
    So I’m holding on (I’m still holdin on)(I’m holdin on)
    (I’m still holdin on) (I’m holdin on)
    I’m barely holding on to you

    I’m hanging on another day
    Just to see what, you will throw my way
    And I’m hanging on, to the words you say
    You said that I will, will be okay
    The broken light on the freeway
    Left me here alone
    I may have lost my way now
    But I haven’t forgotten my way home

    I’m falling apart
    I’m barely breathing
    With a broken heart
    That’s still beating
    In the pain (In the pain)
    There is healing
    In your name (In your name)
    I find meaning
    So I’m holding on (I’m still holdin’)(I’m holdin’ on)(I’m still holdin’) (I’m holdin’ on) (I’m still holdin’)
    Barely holding on to you (I’m still holdin on)
    Barely holdin on to you

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