[Thinking Of You – Katy Perry]
Well, since I (somehow) capped myself, this will be my last post until I uncap (except for Christmas). I put some effort into making this post interesting, okay?
This is mostly for Katherine’s benefit.
One day when we were on MSN I complained to her, “Katherine, you never stalk me anymore. When we first met/got back in touch, you’d stalk me three times a day, at the least. Sometimes you’d drop by and stalk me unexpectedly, just to let me know you still feel that stalk-spark. But now you only stalk when I ask you, and even then I don’t feel like your heart is in the stalking. It’s like you lack the passion you once had for stalking me.”
Katherine replied, “But honey (she didn’t say honey, but for the purpose of this very thinly veiled double entendre she did) I don’t need to stalk you to let you know I still love you. Can’t you just know by me simply giving you a quick hi on MSN?”
“It’s not the same!” I cried, “You used to stalk me so passionately that you knew everything about me. I would look into your eyes and ask you the name of my 3rd grade teacher and you’d be able to reciprocate. But now, now you barely remember my password!”
“Dammit woman! (Again, she didn’t say woman. Why did I make her out to be the guy in this…anyway) Don’t you get I’m trying? I come home everyday exhausted from a long hard day of legitimate information gathering, and I just want to put my feet up, sit back and watch some Bones (oh yes, I noticed what I did there). I love you, baby, but I just need some time to myself. I can’t stalk you all the time.”
“Time to yourself? Oh don’t be coy with me, I know EXACTLY what you get up to!”
“What…what are you talking about sweetie? (She doesn’t call me sweetie either. She’s not a womanizer. She could be if she tried…and had a dick. The point is…)”
“I know about those tumblrs and deviantarts! I know that you spend your ‘free time’ stalking all those pretty girls on those sites instead of me! Do you think I haven’t noticed? What, am I not arty enough for you? I can be arty! I can be anything you want! Here I’ll string some apples onto trees, sit in an awkward yet erotically suggestive pose, and have you take pictures. Do you want that? I can do that! What can I do to make you want to stalk me again?!”
“You don’t understand, baby. It’s not the same.”
“I get it. No, I understand. I’ll just leave. Maybe I’ll delete everything of mine so you won’t ever get to stalk me again.”
“No, baby don’t be like that. Come back. Hey? Baby? Alex? Alex?!
(I HAD to put a Streetcar reference you in there, you understand.)
The intensely capitalized utterance appeared on my screen just as I moved my mouse cursor towards the close button. Hesitating, I tapped out, “Oh I do love you Stan-I mean, Katherine. I do. But how can I trust you again?”
“I’ll show you,” came the reply. I waited anxiously, not knowing what form of stalking Katherine will bestow upon me. Suddenly a red icon appeared on my Facebook page, and I saw that Katherine had “posted something on my wall”. My heart skipped a beat, half in excitement, half in anticipatory terror. What did she post?
“Hey sup how r u? I see u were playing bejeweled! Kwlzz~~”
And my world became complete once again.
Disclaimer: Katherine never ever talks like that. In fact, I am willing to bet a very small amount of money that when she reads what I wrote, she will actually run away crying. She doesn’t type like a tool.
What she does do is stalk people on deviantart and tumblr. That part was true, and was written for her benefit.
I do not own Streetcar Named Desire, Tumblr, DeviantArt, Facebook or Bones in any way. Aha, now you can’t sue me.
And I’m very sorry, Katherine, for that thing about the dick…. ._.
It surely is a sad, unwelcoming day when someone of your skill and exuberant humour stops posting for a period of time.
This would make a half-decent comedy take on Drama. Now all we need is the monty python crew….
LOL. AND LOL AGAIN. LOL.
Stupid wordpress asked for my email so I gave them my old one. WINNNEEERRRR.
I dunno what to say. You told me to comment. But now I don’t know what to comment. Twas funny. Made me Lol.