I’m Picking Me Apart Again

[Breaking The Habit – Linkin Park]

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Dear You-Should-Probably-Have-An-Idea-Who-You-Are,

I know what you’re wondering; you very specifically told me that you weren’t interested, and would never be interested, so why did I still hold onto hope just to have my heart broken? It’s not like you led me on at any point.

While I do mean “heartbreak” in in traditional sense, I mostly mean you broke my heart in a friendship sense as well. You said that I was too eager and clingy, well that’s not my fault, that is how I am. And it took me so long to realize, and then even longer to accept the fact that if you can’t stand being around me because of how I am, then I can’t be around you.

And since I accepted it, and since I stopped talking to you, my random attacks of sadness diminished, and I hardly get depressive moods anymore. Bianca always taught me to do whatever in life that makes me happy, and even if it’s painful, if being happy means not being in someone’s life, then that has to be it. Catherine was the first to be brave and honest enough to tell me that this was the only way. I didn’t want to accept it at the time but when I did, I realized how dumb I was to reject her suggestion.

A few people who I discussed this with told me to give it another shot, give you a chance, rebuild that bridge between us, work it out. But I think now we’re both happier. You don’t have to worry about me, and I don’t have to worry about me worrying about you. Like you said once, now we’re just “acquaintances who know each other very well”.

I don’t hate you. You were a huge chapter in my life, and the lessons I learned from you will continue to aid me through life. But the full stop has been inked onto the last sentence of that chapter, and I have turned the page. I loved you, and I love you still for the memories we shared.

Alex.

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