Let me ask, would you like that?

[Diary Of Jane – Breaking Benjamin]

Day 01: Your views on death, how you cope, etc

Clearly I forgot to do it yesterday.

I haven’t really been faced properly with death that affected me personally and on a great level, so I really can’t say – the only deaths that I’ve been near were the deaths of a friend’ father, and my maternal grandmother when I was 7, so the emotional ties really weren’t strong.

I’m not religious enough/at all to believe that there is a heaven after death, and even after watching 6 seasons of Supernatural which straddled between cynicism and Christianity given your interpretation, I still don’t think there is a heaven after death. But do I think that when the heart stops beating blood and the brain stops firing off electrons, there marks the end of something? No, I think that a life goes on even beyond the clinical death – but I do mean that in a symbolic way. Any sentence beginning with “Remember when Rod…?” or “As Rod used to say…” is a continuation of that life.

I would like to think that there is a plane where the consciousness goes after death, but what is consciousness I cannot begin to define. Or fathom. I cannot even imagine being dead – I think of that last moment right before, when I become certain that I am going to die. I think if I will regret it, “Oh the things that I will never experience”. But why would I regret it? If my personal consciousness really is going lights out in the next moment, I won’t exactly go on to notice all the things that I’m missing while missing it. My “legacy” lives on through the connections I’ve made whilst alive – the experiences that I “have” are for their own spiritual satisfaction and benefit, I personally wouldn’t and couldn’t care less. If my consciousness reaches another plane – whether that be whatever my own equivalent of heaven is (because I am not going to the Christian Heaven that’s for sure), or reincarnation, or I haunt the crap out of all those people spiritually benefiting from experiences I will never experience, I doubt I’d be in a position to envy, be aware of, or care about those experiences.

As to how to cope – I honestly cannot answer that without having to cope with a personal death myself.

But any loss is something difficult to get over, isn’t it? Whether it be a close and horrific death, or something comparatively trivial – the feeling of loss hurts all the same.

So how do I deal with loss? I suppose I can fool myself into believing that “they’re in a better place now”, or living happily as a much loved puppy dog, or simply watching me wonder if their consciousness is okay. Or I can focus on myself – which I do most of the time, anyway. I can tell myself that they are gone from my immediate reach, and that sucks, and I’m allowed to be very sad about that for a while, but at some point I should manage that sadness into healthy respectful doses, and move on with my life, spiritually satisfying myself by doing all the things that the person now can’t.

Alex.

2 thoughts on “Let me ask, would you like that?

  1. I like that your feelings on life after death are much the same as mine 🙂

    I like that you like that 🙂

  2. Thank you for letting me know about it 🙂 it was a good read and it helped me to get a bit of a snapshot into who you are now.

    My favourite grandpa passed away last year too, and whenever I think of him or my Dad I’m overcome by this wistfulness – I miss them so much and I want them here with me, even though I know they weren’t supposed to exist in the life I have now – It’s a form of grieving. It’s bittersweet because you’re so grateful for the memories you have of them, of who they were to you, but you’re so sad not to have them with you in this moment. I guess that’s how I would explain it.

    My view on death is different from yours, as you know. Once a strong skeptic, I’ve found faith in God through various life events which influences my view. But I agree that talking about them and the memories you have of them seem to preserve a piece of them for a while. I’m scared though, because losing them is one stage of grief..over time I’m scored of another stage – forgetting those cherished memories. I know not all of them will be forgotten, but details will become fuzzy, the sound of their voice will fade to silence..and that is what I’m scared of, because I want to keep those cherished memories. This brings a little problem – you don’t want to dwell too much in the past as you would miss out on life, but you need to reflect every now and then to keep the memories you love, clear and strong. It’s all about finding that balance.

    Thank you for the piece – thought provoking =)

    Lots of love xx

    I don’t know, you can always choose the nice way to look at it, and that’s when you reach the stage where you start forgetting little things about them, and you’re in that moment of panic where you think “how can I possibly forget the sound of my father’s voice?” you can sort of recall a memory that you have stored really really deeply, and be comforted by that memory, and maybe that memory will remind you of your dad’s voice.
    And what do you mean a snapshot of who I am now…have I changed!?

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