I tried to be perfect, it just wasn’t worth it

[Pieces – Sum 41]

Day 13: Write about what you believe in, be it God, yourself, etc.

When I was in primary school, my parents told me to attend R.E. lessons for to learn about other religions.

We have a portrait of the Buddha in our living room, and sometimes, as a sort of joke, my parents would put the money they’ll buy a lotto ticket with in front of it, and ask it to bless us with luck.

When we were in Thailand, right before we left for Australia, we went to the small temple in Bangkok which a few years ago got burnt down, and there is a picture of my mother and me praying in front of it, so it would bless us with good fortune and health in the new country.

In Yr 12, I went to a friend’s baptism (which I wrote about in here but I can’t be bothered finding the link to. It was in April 2009 some time), and I mouthed along to unknown hymns and listened to all the testimonies. I watched them overflow in emotions as they took the next step to get closer to their God.

Many of my friends are either Christian or Catholic, and while I skirt around it, sometimes I find myself toeing the agreed upon veil of avoidance, and questioning their faith.

And that is the extent of my ties with religion.

That is not to say I am an atheist. Call me a coward if that’s show you see it, but I don’t think that there is one particular deity – one particular man-made deity, existing only through the documentation of man-made words – nor do I think there is none. Sometimes when I am in moments of great stress or dread, I find myself wishing – praying, dare I say – that I find some inspiration to help me out of the moment. I don’t know who I am wishing towards –  a star? The light dancing around me, caught by flecks of dead skin? Yes, how poetic – but I do it anyway, and sometimes I am stunned to find that I am suddenly in possession of patience I didn’t know I could have, or an epiphany that seemed like the obvious choice.

So, ‘belief’. What do I believe in? I believe that you have to make your own luck – it sounds cliche, but it’s a cliche with a reason. You can be given epiphanies through forces you cannot begin to fathom, but what are epiphanies but electrons firing brighter in your brain if you don’t act upon it? I can feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I have, realize that if I take 1 hour out of my day to just read I will have it under control, but if I don’t take that 1 hour out, I’d still be stressing.

I suppose I can create a metaphor. I can say that the Me is the vessel through which events happen, and quite a lot of the time that vessel is perilously close to sinking via its own accord – it thinks it should go left, then right, and then tips over unbalanced – but with a bit of guidance from the winds (that’s my unknown power in this metaphor), and as long as the vessel doesn’t fight the winds, it will be steered back onto course.

I can smell the pollen outside, but there are a few more posts I need to get through.

Alex.

Eunice’s Baptism

I suppose I could’ve titled this post with some form of dedication to God, but I’d be kidding myself.

Today was Eunice’s baptism. I picked up Carmaine and we went to the Wattle Park Chapel together. Saw Eunice and Pooki there, all dressed in their robes (robes?) and excited. I met Priscilla (okay look, different one from Fel’s, and I don’t know how to spell the name anymore) as well as Mandy. Everyone were rather friendly and happy. It’s a happy occasion.

Fel came in halfway through and had to leave halfway through. But mostly it was interesting sitting in the pews (pews? I am very clearly not religious) and listening to everyone’s testimony about how they found God. There were 11 people getting baptised today, and quite a few of them got really emotional halfway through. Good for them.

While the mood of the testimonies was really heavy, when the baptism actually came there seemed to be a huge weight lifted from the chapel (which, by the way, was a beautiful chapel. Carmaine and I both agreed on that). Pooki kicked off the baptisms, and Eunice was third. Her dad was the one who also helped (helped? Look…bear with me) baptise her, and when he started on his scripted part, he looked at Eunice meaningfully and said, “Eunice?”

“Yes?” said Eunice, staring straight back at her dad. It was such a serious moment between father and daughter that somehow made it kind of funny.

After the ceremony ended and photos began, Carmaine and I went and took some family shots and friend shots (I refrained from saying BRuCE shots as Bee wasn’t there). Then we left Eunice to sneeze into the flowers given to her, and we sat outside the chapel on the stairs and waited. We could hear Eunice inside laughing. Everytime Eunice laughed we both said to each other, “That was Eunice laughing.” So yeah, she does have a distinct laugh.

They went to Eunice’s place afterwards for a BBQ, I had to go to Chadstone with my parents (took the 767 which confused me for a bit as there were 2 bus stops within 30 meters of each other and I really didn’t see the point until luckily I realized my bus only goes to 1 of them). I got a Country Road bag. Yes, I remember how much I despise Country Road bags. But I want another bag other than my school bag, and frankly I’m not up for a long search through Chadstone to find a cheap bag that suits my needs. This one looks pretty good and, as my mom noted, it actually matches one of my jackets (red and black checkered one. The bag matches the jacket in the sense that it’s basically the same).

That’s it for today. 1 more week of holidays and unfortunately I’m going out most of the days so I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to actually finish/start my homework.

Alex.