Revisiting a few thoughts

(I haven’t written properly in a long time. So here goes something pretty impromptu.)

She tried to block the sounds out, but the words still formed meaning in her mind. She was bombarded with searing images of failure, of dissatisfaction and felt the unmistakable aftertaste of having brought great shame upon herself and those around her.

She studied her mug carefully. She traced the letters on theĀ  mug for the twentieth time, willing herself not to say or do anything.

But she imagined it. She imagined the feeling in her arms as she smashed the mug down on her face. Skull. Whatever could break many bones. Then maybe the mug would shatter, and she’d have something sharp to play with.

And she could imagine the initial shock on her face. Shock that her own daughter could hurt her. And perhaps shock at finally realizing that she’d lost her daughter for a long time.

She continued studying her mug. The small bumps of Homer Simpson’s speech bubble barely registered under her fingertips. And still the bombardment of shame and guilt attacked her ears. She didn’t even need to listen to what her mother was saying; it was the old spiel, the familiar speech of failure.

She became aware of how close she was to completely changing her life. In one swift movement and moment, her mother could be unconscious and dying on the floor, and she would stand over the bleeding body. Would she smile at the much delayed release? Or would she feel horror at what she’d done? If it was horror, it wouldn’t be that she hurt her mother, but that there would be lawful consequences.

She started planning what she’d do. After mashing her mother’s head in (she’d use the tile floor if she had to) she’d run downstairs. Her dad wouldn’t be home yet, so she’d have to tap out some sort of message to her friends, to the people that actually matter to her. She’d detail in that message how sorry she was it had to be like this, and that no one should be put to blame but her. She’d detail that her actions were solely by the influence of her mother.

She’d say goodbye, because she wouldn’t want to remain to allow her mother the pleasure of media attention. And surely there will be; a daughter doesn’t kill a mother often, and the news will be all over it. She doesn’t want her mother to be able to plead with her simpering ugly face that her own flesh and blood and turned against her, and she didn’t want to be portrayed as the bad guy. She wasn’t the bad guy.

Then she’d run back upstairs. She has to be quick. If her mother’s still alive then she would dial OOO. So she has to be fast.

She’d open the top drawer in the kitchen. There was one in there that her dad always kept sharp for cutting meat. In fact, she’d recently been nagging her dad to keep it sharp.

She’d planned it. She’d even envisioned it in her mind a million times.

It would hurt yes, but the satisfaction would be anaesthetic enough.

And then she put down her mug, stood up, and walked away. She went downstairs, calmly opened a new email, and sat there and wrote all of the things that ran through her mind to her friend. She cried while doing it, but she didn’t stop typing until she was done. Then she hit send, and with it buried away the feeling of being utterly trapped. It will come back again, but until then she can just keep sending it out.



A while back (I can’t even remember how long ago) Carmaine introduced me to an anime called Claymore. Then, Mary gave me some episodes. Just today I decided to start watching it. And it is AWESOME! So to do a quick summary to get someone interested:

It’s set in a world where humankind coexist with monsters called Yoma. Yoma basically eat human guts and they can disguise themselves as humans so they’re rather sneaky bastards. To fight the Yoma, the humans will have to request help from an organization of Yoma-hunters. The humans call these hunters Claymores (the hunters themselves don’t call themselves by that title, it’s just what the humans do). Claymores are half human, half Yoma, and when they do battle they unleash some of the Yoki, which is Yoma-power. Their eyes turn from the usual silver to gold. At some point, all Claymores will lose themselves and turn into a Yoma. Usually when they sense their end is coming, they will send out a black card that in their sword, and on the black card will be the symbol of the Claymore that they want to be killed by (each Claymore’s symbol is unique, like their DNA or name or something) and that chosen Claymore will have to kill them before they become completely Yoma, so that they can die “with a human heart”.

All Claymores are females, because for some reason that is the only way you can have half human half Yoma (maybe there is a reason, I’ve only seen 10 eps). All Claymores are blonde, fit, ninja-like, and have silver eyes. Except for some reason their boss is male.

So the story is about a Claymore called Clare, who, in a mission meets a boy called Rika, whose family has been slain by a Yoma. Rika follows Clare around, and at first you don’t know why Clare lets Rika do it but then you find out that when Clare was a human, she was in the same situation as Rika, and she was adopted by a Claymore called Teresa. Teresa was the best Claymore ever, being Number One, and in order to protect Clare, Teresa killed a human. That act is taboo in Claymore society, and Teresa was meant to be executed, but she wounded all her executors and turned her back on the organization. Therefore, the male boss sent Numbers Two through to Five after Teresa. Number Two was a rookie called Priscilla, and she hated Yoma very much and was so strong that one day she could surpass Teresa (Teresa is so strong that she doesn’t even need to unleash her Yoma powers when fighting). After a really long battle, it seems that Priscilla has lost control over her Yoma side and was about to turn into a Yoma, and Teresa offered to kill her. But Priscilla tricks Teresa and kills Teresa, and then Number Three to Five. Priscilla turns into a being stronger than Yoma, an Awakened Being (or Voracious Eater), and leaves the terrified and human Clare behind. Clare finds the male boss, and requests to be made into a Claymore.

We then find out that Clare is the worst Claymore. In the 47 regions, she is ranked Number Forty-Seven.

The last episode I watched was when Clare joins three other Claymores who are hunting an Awakened Being, but was surprised when they realized that the AB is much stronger than they were told and they would be screwed with a Number Forty-Seven.

I like it because it has a lot of gruesome bits. For example, when Priscilla killed Sophia and Noel, Numbers Five and Four, she did so by punching her claw into their brains, through their eyes. And when Clare killed Yomas, she did it by slicing them through the middle. The fighting animation is also very well done, on par with that of Naruto and I guess DBZ as well, but DBZ would be considered from “another era” of Japanese animation. It also reminds me of Appleseed, however Appleseed would be considered a different genre, it being a 3D animation of sorts.

Anyway that was my ramble about Claymore for today. I’ve found my new addiction. I need to get more episodes, now.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. I guess I have to add that it’s similar to Naruto also because they drag battles on for a few episodes.