The Difference…

When people say “I don’t care what other people think about me”, there is a fundamental difference to what they mean and what it actually means.

What they mean is that when they do things, they have some concern about how other people might see them; they see how they might be negatively seen, and then decide that doesn’t matter, or they decide that they shouldn’t care if it matters or not. Then their actions follow accordingly.

I’m not saying that this way of thinking is “wrong” and not the “real” I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-other-people. I’m saying this is probably the most common meaning people have when they say “I don’t care what other people think about me”.

The ACTUAL – or perhaps I should say the OTHER – meaning is when the person doesn’t even think about how it might be negatively viewed. Not only do they not tell themselves not to care about how they might negatively viewed, they didn’t even think that they would be negatively viewed.

I bring this up because – and I’m not saying I think the “better” way, because I mostly think in the first way, if not be wary of how people judge me completely – it occurred to me today that the title for my post yesterday could be misunderstood as something else. I didn’t even think about it that way: the title was a quote from the movie I’d seen. The fact that my mind didn’t even think of the consequences means that on a core level, I really don’t care.

Anyhoo, just some thoughts.

Alex.

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Thank You

Today I got quite a few text messages as as well as a well timed call (well timed as in I was asleep. Yes sarcasm. But I’m still happy) when I didn’t show up.

I felt very much loved. April said that everyone was worried about me because there were a “few more potential cases” and they’d thought I was one of them. I’m not. No fever means I’m in the clear. Carmaine called wondering where I was, and Jen told me to “go to the doctor deary” which I neglected to do. Dani so tactfully said “OMG ARE YOU DYING?” To which I replied “Lol no. Thanks?” Unfortunately the timing of my reply coincided with her subsequent “I just heard you’re sick. Are you feeling okay?” So, to clarify, Dani sweetheart I’m fine.

I thought that I should express my gratitude at the amount of concern people had (or maybe I’m blowing it up. But I’ll go ahead and assume people worried).

But, seriously, all concerns should go to Dom. He’s the one tanking it out at home with the Tami Flu.

Alex.

Come and go now as you please

And I finally found that life life goes on with you
And my world still turns when you’re not around

Naive Orleans – Anberlin

(Well, I’m working my way towards that.)

Today was not an eventful day, but altogether not a bad day either.

This morning I took the 7:29 with Carmaine and we went to Dani’s place. Showed Carmaine Andrew’s Special Poster. It was rather interesting…for her…good for future references? Haha. We went down to Coles because her class was having a class party and people forgot food. We got some chips, dips, hot cross buns etc, and went back up. Andrew drove us to school.

I wrote Tiff’s plane letter in my 2nd period free while sitting on a picnic table with April. After writing the letter I started drawing random stuff on a piece of paper. April and were talking about a specific topic, and I started drawing our conversation onto the piece of paper. It went something like:

Dude 1: “No one wants me” [cries]

Dude 2: “Shut up, you’re getting me wet.”

Dude 1: “Don’t you care?”

Dude 2: “I do. I care about my keeping dry.”

It thus inspired me to start a small comic strip-thing titled “My Friends Don’t Give A Shit About Me” but now I’ve changed it to “Squish & Ko” because I might not necessarily do every comic as “my friends don’t give a shit about me”. It’s nothing personal against my friends, either. Just random funny moments that have happened.

Tomorrow is the last day of Term 1, and free dress day. Which means that today was actually my last official day wearing school uniform FOREVER! I only realized after I went out later to take out the rubbish that my school shoes, sitting in an easy-to-reach place on the rack, can now be moved to the very back. I drew on my school dress by accident but that doesn’t even matter anymore. My school socks have holes worn in them but that don’t matter, no. And since today and yesterday was rather hot, Tuesday was actually my last day wearing that blazer. Strange feeling, it was.

More to come tomorrow (I’m going out to dinner so…something to write about).

Alex.