Parking Garage By The Theater

[La La Lie – Jack’s Mannequin]

So here’s a thought: when two people who used to be rather close to each other meet up again after a long hiatus – during which the relationship has been stashed away in a shoebox under the bed, then further covered by new boxes, topped off with a glazing of dust – there is always a winner and a loser (this idea was explored in How I Met Your Mother, with Robin’s Sandcastle in the Sand – yeah, one day I’ll write an original post).

They might not admit to it, but the moment they meet up again they start sizing each other up, to see who fared better in the time apart. They start comparing stories after they went their separate ways, and after mentally compiling a list of pros and cons, as unspoken as it may be, one person goes home that night feeling better about themselves – they’re in a better relationship, better job, better house, or they’re just so much sexier, whatever.

But there’s also this other scenario, where two people who used to be close sort of part ways, but they don’t lose complete contact. Through one way or another, they’re being made aware on a frequent basis the changes in the other person’s life. New friends, new job, haircuts, tans, holidays etc. So when they two of them meet up again, they sort of have a general awareness of what had gone on in the other person’s life, and thus a general awareness of who the winner is.

So I wonder, which scenario would be the better?

Personally, I find that the 2nd scenario – or what I prefer to call the We’re-Still-Friends-On-Facebook scenario – is much more painful. I mean, when I’m constantly aware of changes in the person’s life, I feel the need to constantly be at that level too (because usually I’m the one who’s being left behind. That’s my thing). So, for example, when I read updates about how one of my high-school friends got her Ps already, I was insanely jealous and went on a rampage to get more hours done – even though the situations with our families are different, and she was bound to get her Ps early anyway.

Or jobs. Oh my God I hate it when I read about how everyone’s got jobs and they’re going on road trips and I’m being unfit alone at home, writing blogs about being unfit alone at home.

I think, though, with relationships, it’s even more of a deal. I was just watching this episode of Smallville (you need to be ok with the fact that most of my blog posts are inspired by a TV show I was watching) where Lana told Clark that she’s met someone new (Ian Somerholder’s character) and she wanted him to know first.

I get that her intentions were good – let the ex hear it from her instead of someone else, since they’re “friends” and everything – but I bet there is a measure of smugness when someone does that. I mean, if I had a chance to go to my (non-existent) ex and say, “oh hey, yeah, I met someone, totally tappin’ it, just letting you know cos, I want you to hear it from me…sucker” I would grab it with both hands and try my hardest not to add “sucker” at the end, or in my tone, or on my face. Because being able to say that is like the ultimate Kill-Shot for victory (of course, further on the track if what I was “tapping” ended up being some major loser, the Counter-damage would be ten-fold).

Since I’ve established that I’m usually the one being left behind, I just feel that in this scenario, chances are I’M going to be the one scrolling through my Facebook homepage one night (because that’s what I do when I run out of I Can Has Cheezburger to look at) and seeing my (still non-existent) ex change their relationship status, and post some otherwise-adorable-but-incredibly-saccharine-to-me picture of them and their slice of victory pie. The worst part is, I’m pretty sure the WAITING for such a moment is even worse than actually living out the moment – either you are watching a live commentary of them meeting someone new, getting interested, and finally hooking up, or you run all these possibilities through your situation-exaggerator of a brain, settling on the decision that your ex will end up being together with a person who is pretty much you, but better. The only consolation I can give myself is that MAYBE, when they do finally end up with someone else, that they’re actually TRADING DOWN. Although to trade down from me you’d have to be sexually attracted to a gnat.

Ooh gnats.

So, yeah, to clear up some vagueness and actually give you a taste of my personal life, most of the people I used to like, bar two (one of whom was always in a relationship anyway and is now in another state, and the other guy totally deserves someone smarter than me so I’m not even spewing), haven’t found anyone yet. But I can extrapolate and imagine, so I would say that if I ever find someone, and then break up with them (hence finally gaining myself an ex), I would rather just not see them for ages, and then work my ass off to have some Pros to chalk up, so that when I meet them again I may have a chance to be a winner.

Unless, of course, my ex and I decide to be friends. Then I can be all Lana on their ass, and hook up with Ian Somerholder.

Ha….

In other news (this is becoming a REALLY long blog post), I was watching a few of communitychannel‘s oldest videos, and I realize that she had developed her style over the years, and she’d started off with just a webcam and her talking. I don’t know, maybe after my Project365 ends, and…maybe after a few months after it ends because I need to give the internet a break from me, I might start vlogging. If I ever do take up that idea, I’ll be sure to tell about it here. But yeah, keeping the idea alive – I don’t think I can be as funny or interesting, but I may develop a style and become the next communitychannel or kevjumba.

And THAT would be SUCH a Kill-Shot. Internet fame, woo.

Alex.

What has been happening of late?

I suppose this is possibly the worst month of effort I have made ever. I guess it was a mixture of me not particularly having anything to blog about, and sort of just feeling everything is mundane. Don’t worry though, I haven’t written in my uni blog either. I think tomorrow I will blog there, then maybe start reading for my assignments.

I will do a quick catchup, though. I have finished Chapter 8 but I actually want to post Chapter 8 and 9 together (if not 10 as well) so, sorry, but you do have to wait.

In my actual life, not much has happened. We started on our mid-sem break, and I have put off work. I suppose I’ll work for the 2nd half of this week, and first half of next week. I also should organize all my notes, start doing reading in my leisure time (force myself to enjoy it) and prepare for my exams at the end of the year. I don’t have my schedule, so I don’t even know how early my liberation is.

I may or may not go to badminton on Friday at Monash, but most likely not. My body was very sore this weekend from its lack of exercise. But apart from my last venture to the other university, I really haven’t had much of a social life – and I want to keep it that way these holidays. Call me a shut-in, but sometimes I prefer some quiet time (alone, with internet, so not alone. Basically I can talk to people without having to be all presentable. At the moment I am in my PJs). In fact, I rented (and it costed me more than I like, so I will probably refrain for a while) the first two seasons of True Blood, and I suppose you can say I got hooked, but it really does try your patience for gore at some point. I don’t look forward for more hungrily (but then again, after marathoning 2 seasons in 4 days you do get turned off) as I do for NCIS, Glee, House, HIMYM, TBBT, The Vampire Diaries etc…

Speaking of which, NCIS and Glee comes back tomorrow, but Glee will air on TV pretty much straightaway (wow Ch 10 is REALLY fast-tracking. Then again, they’ll probably take a 1 week break randomly so that they’ll be a week behind, AGAIN). The Vampire Diaries is only a few days behind, and since I don’ t follow many blogs on Tumblr for TVD, I’m not too fussed about spoilers that I might come across. I watched HIMYM today, and it was a rather exciting preview to what we’ll learn in this season. My biggest beef is Dexter, which I don’t really have the bandwidth to watch but I know the blogs I follow will spoil them for me. I guess I will soon have to decide what to do.

Anyway, as per usual, an update about my life has turned into a rant about TV. Splitting hairs aren’t we?

Everything else is still the same. I’m nearly halfway through my Project 365, and literally nothing has changed about my life. I think I already emo’d about this, so I won’t today.

Mom has been home, obviously, and I think she’s getting a bit bored so she’s cooking a lot (which Dad appreciates, I think, except he still cooks most of dinner and on weekends). I know I’m meant to cook, but I really don’t like learning from my mom because she’s not a great teacher, but a great yeller. Dad usually just wants to cook and get it over and done with so he can rest and watch TV (they bought a crap load of new Chinese drama, but thankfully the DVDs play on the other DVD player which is a bit temperamental, so I don’t have to move from my position), so he doesn’t really want to teach me either.

Anyway, because she’s cooking so much, I’ve also gained weight that I didn’t actually want to gain. That, on top of my lack of motivation to exercise lately, means this summer will be spent indoors. I will start collecting as many TV series as I can from friends. And maybe get my paws on FRIENDS, too. Again, yes, shut-in.

Anyway, that’s enough of a catchup for now.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Alex.

When I Made Your Body Shiver

[Brick By Brick – Train]

I COMPLETELY WENT PAST MY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY ON THIS BLOG!

August 18th. 2 years. Although my blogging wasn’t as frequent in the past year as it was in the year prior, I think that the most change happened in this past 12 months. Apart from, obviously, graduation in an academic sense, I feel I’d also graduated in an emotional sense.

Though, as all graduates go, I do have days where I wish I was back there, 12 months ago.

Here’s to another 12 months of saying I will get a job, move out, and find my significant other – and failing to do so.

(I say this so negatively because if, somehow, in 12 months’ time I actually am working a decent job, living away from home and in a loving relationship, I would feel so so so much better.)

Alex.

What Was Ever Really Special About Me?

[How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox 20]

This is just a quick note to tell people who’re keeping up with the slow slow updates.

In Chapter 2 ‘It’s Only Natural’, Sera had explained that in order to drink from humans, consent is needed.

I had thought about it, and as much as I hate changing details that I, myself, created, I thought it was a) impractical and b) a bit dumb to have that. I have now changed it to the usual myth: that in order to gain entry into a property, consent is required from a permanent resident of the property. It still explains the good looks, but in a less limiting manner for further on.

I am currently writing. I went driving today but it’s not much to talk about.

Alex.w

Differences Noted

I think the major different of high school compared to university has finally dawned on me.

I mean, apart from the lifestyle – I mean the public lifestyle. Life at home is still the same. I’m still being treated like an 8-year-old who can’t make decisions for herself when it suits my mom’s needs…but that’s another rant – which is obviously different, like the blatant smoking and drinking around campus. Apart from that, the academic side of university is also finally showing itself.

It might have been obvious to Science and Biomed students from the get go, because their level of work is quickly stepping up (I cannot say for sure, not having done the subjects, but the speed at which high school chemistry traveled would indubitably be snail-speed compared to what university would be going). But for myself, an Arts student, the first few weeks of university hasn’t really been that different.

Sure, I don’t have to do maths or Chinese anymore, and each subject is getting more specialized and, to a certain degree, globalized (as in, each subject really only talks about the scope of said subject, and more about global issues rather than Australian issues) but really it just felt like a slightly more intense elective subject at high school.

But when my essays started hitting, I found things different.

In high school, you are more or less told what to do, how to do it, and then whoever can copy that formula the best while not appearing to have copied that formula gets an A. You might think you have more choice in VCE, what with the 3 different topics you can write about on the SAME book, or the “freedom” you have to “express yourself” in the “Whose Reality?” part of the exam. But, not really. Again, you’re more or less told what the expected outcome is, and you reach for that.

In uni, it’s just that one step scarier. First of all, you’re not REALLY told what is expected of you. You get a few samples of the genre/s that you’re probably trying to emulate – note, emulate, not copy – and these aren’t even past student examples, these are real life examples. You get the description of what the assignment is, for example “30 – 40 lines of poetry, roughly equivalent to a 1000 word essay”. Then they give you 4 weeks of random poetry to read, poets coming in to tell you how they stumbled across poetry, and then bam! your poems are due next week.

Poetry isn’t so hard to understand how to write, really. I mean, write, not write well. You can write anything and you can say it’s poetry, and no one can really dispute you, because it is poetry, just crappy poetry.

But my 2nd Creative Writing assignment had me stumped; a creative non-fiction.

I know what it is; I’ve read the Hiroshima example, and it was fantastic. But what topic can I write about? To be able to creatively write about a non-fictional topic, you’d have to have a respectable amount of knowledge about it. To get a respectable amount of knowledge, you’d have to research – and researching, then transferring this knowledge creatively, will take a lot longer than the time given for this assignment. So of course you’d have to write about something you already know.

That’s all good if you already knew shitloads about, say, Roal Dahl, or whatever. But I don’t! So a weekend was spent desperately trying to think of what to write. And that was the most frustrating part; I know I have the skills, I just don’t have a medium to show it. It would be good if in tutes we were given a list of possible topics, but we weren’t, and that’s how uni rolls.

In the end, I chose to write about music, and how music is experienced differently by different people.

But that’s just Creative Writing. Then we have Professional Writing, which is easier in some senses, and harder in some. I got my result for my first assignment – the magazine profile – back. I thought I’d done well – not fantastic, but well. I’d stuck to the conventions of my chosen genre of magazines – but the result said that, if I don’t draft this assignment for my end of semester folio, I’d only get a 60% mark. It would have been okay if I knew where I went wrong, but I’m not quite sure. I suppose that’s the difference – now you have to go ask the tutor why, and they’ll probably not answer you properly.

You know, I also noticed that I use the hyphen a lot more now. It gets annoying.

For my other two subjects, Cinema Studies and Intro to Media and Comm, I have 2 research projects’ due date coming up. After today (I’m going out today, which I will write about tomorrow, probably) I’m going to have to start doing the research for those two. Cinema Studies has me researching cinematic monsters, and Intro to M+C has me working with Annie and Christy for something which none of us has started so I guess it’ll be a bit of a last minute pull.

So things are definitely different in university now. I’m having fun, don’t get me wrong, because these things are my forte, and I actually enjoy them. But it is noticeably harder and more stressful to get that optimum mark.

Oh my god, I’m still mark-driven.

Alex.

She Laughs At My Dreams But I Dream About Her Laughter

[Just The Girl – The Click Five]

Today was Tiff’s farewell get-together thing.

I just missed a connecting bus at Glen Waverley in the morning, because some old stupid hag (yes, call me ageist, call me whatever, I’m pissed off) took 5 minutes to explain that she’s too senile and stupid to bring money with her for a Metcard, and the connecting bus was only there for an extra 3 minutes after when my first bus was meant to arrive.

I watched my connection bus drive by me as I pulled into the bus station.

So I sat down at the foodcourt and started sending lyrics to Jenny’s Facebook. I got to as many as nearly 10 songs before I went for the next bus.

Arrived at Tiff’s in time to see everyone much Hana Kimi. Then we moved to the living room and started watching Kill B ill after long debates about what to watch, and actually watching the winter Olympics and Dr Phil (I made everyone notice how funny he blinks).

It seemed not many people enjoyed the violent hilarity of Quentin Taratino. I was just pleased to watch Lucy Liu own the screen.

After Kill Bill finished we started watching Austin Powers. I felt a killer headache coming on so I hugged Tiff goodbye (for the last time?!) and left.

On the way home, I felt like I was going to faint. So something went wrong there.

I feel slightly better now, but the headache is still pounding. But I will last for White Collar tonight!

Goodbye Tiff. You damned better keep in touch with us!

Alex.

P.S. Jenny got a blog. I’ll put it on my blogroll now. She’s just starting out so not much to read yet. A lot people seem to have slowed/stopped blogging. For example, this time last year, Bianca had her blog “A Beautiful Dream Come True” which she has now taken off public viewing. Carmaine’s blog is gone. Dom hasn’t updated in ages. April is in Japan and Dani occasionally updates. A small part of me is glad that I kept going. On the other hand, my ratings show that I don’t get that many readers anymore.

Perhaps I should specialize more. Mr Gadget, a friend of mine through Eunice, blogs mostly about techy stuff, as he should. I don’t think I’m at a point in life when I can specialize into anything yet. I hope someone will find the fact that I’m venturing into university interesting.

My head hurts.

Pictures Of You

Pictures of you
Pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be.

Pictures Of You – The Last Goodnight

Yesterday we got our final set of school photos, ever.

In the previous years, receiving school photos usually came with “uh oh, wonder how I looked” and followed by “oh my god my hair is so big! (She-who-will-not-be-named)”. But this year, it was also coupled by the realization that this was our LAST school photos. EVER.

I was looking at our class photo, at the 24 beaming (and 1 slightly smiling Scottish) faces, and I started trying to recall what we all looked like in Year 9. I remember Jen had the douchey expression on her face (look, okay…you had a douche-ier one before) and now she’s grinning gleefully with a row of clean straight teeth, looking, dare I say, like a lady. And there’s Vania, who despite receiving “aww” again, looked infinitely more mature and radiant. And Julia, whose hair was the wonder of all 4 years, was just pleased that her hair looked normal sized (oh oops). I remember one year, it had to have been 2007, when the lady taking the picture said, after Julia walked off, “You have a very sweet smile.” This caused Julia to continue smiling for the next 10 minutes.

I will miss these faces in the years to come. I am actually looking forward to Reunions to see if Jen is still douchey, Vania still adorable, and Julia still maintained her endlessly sexy hair.

D.F.

With friends like these…

After school today (Wednesday, so half day off) Car- and I went to Melb Central and Eu- came along except she went off to meet up with Thomas (I guess it’s safe using his name, right? I don’t even know him personally) her orchestra friend. Car- was looking for jumpers for me, for my birthday (which, ah, is about a month and a half ago) and then I went to have a look at earrings (because I can take these starter ones off soon) but Car- wasn’t much help with earrings because she doesn’t have pierced ears. So, next week Stoner and I might go check ’em out.

Anyway, so while Car- and I were just walking around Melb Central trying to kill time I mentioned to her how I want to change my name (socially) into Alex. Actually, I didn’t mention it was Alex just that i wanted to change my name. We were looking at 3 little dogs, and Car- said one should be named Fluffy, and then gave me that grin. Anyway, I named them Alvin, Megan (Car- named her) and Kenny, but we didn’t buy them. When we came back a few minutes later someone took Alvin away…

So, anyway, I mentioned that I wanted to change my name and asked her whether she would start calling me by my new name (I asked Sonam and April and they said, “only if you really want us to”) and she just guessed that I wanted Alex (according to her, I’ve wanted to be called Alex “for…a while”) but it got a bit weird when she said that she would call me Lex as a nickname (because, I have not told anyone, but I’d wanted someone to mention calling me Lex as a nickname).

What was the point of that? No idea.

When I mentioned this to Dani (D.M. previously. I got her consent) she said that she rather liked the name Alex as in Alexander. Then, she thought about it, and said, “I’m going to call you Xander instead. Forget the Alex part.” So I guess with her she might call me when I do change my name. Which, in case you wonder, would probably be after graduation.

Also, Dani offered for me to stay at her place when I’m in Uni. As much as I’d love to take up that offer – and I thought about it, I did – I don’t think I could! My parents for one would be the biggest hurdle, and then there’s the shameful fact that I can’t really be independent. I mean, Dani’s been independent since Yr 9 so she’s got nothing to worry about but I still don’t know how to COOK! What the hell am I meant to do if I suddenly move out?

Ah, perhaps I’d have to tolerate the oppression for a little bit longer, and then, if I fight for it, I can finally get out.

Sorry, I just noticed that my blog title was “with friends like these…”

I wrote that because, afterwards Bee, Eu-, Car- and I sat outside Harajuku Crepe store, and while Bee was devouring her chocolate crepe we sat there and talked and laughed, pretty loudly. The seats were outside, so every time we said something dumb, or loud, we would attract looks. And, the best part was, we didn’t give a shit. So what if we all looked like idiots? They can think what they want, but I loved every moment of sitting there with the wind in Eu-‘s hair like Celion Dion on a rampage, and Bee literally choking on her laughs, and Car- making man jokes about me (as you would) and just generally laughing along with every lame and precious comment we make. Would we still have those moments when we’re older? I know that as we get older we’re going to have a lot more problems – Bee already does, and would we ever find the time and the peace of mind again to just sit down on a windy day and talk and laugh until Bee chokes? What kind of future wouldn’t hold that?

I read Dani’s blog just then. It was, honestly, depressing. But not in the “oh my god why does she have to write that” kind of depressing but the “such is life” kind of depressing. It was definitely powerful. I feel inadequate and immature, not having experienced anything life changing or altering. The closest I’ve come to death was when I didn’t look when crossing a road and a car merely missed my foot, and when I was trying to learn to swim and while doing the backstroke, I started sinking and my teacher was concentrating on another student. For those 4 seconds I really thought something bad was going to happen, but then her hands lifted me up again. Eu- wants to take me swimming. I know her intentions are good, but I honestly don’t think she knows how scared I am of drowning (ironically, that’s what’s stopping me from learning to swim).

S’all.

De Fluffe, Out.