Is you is, or is you ain’t my baby?

I don’t know where the song is from, but I got it from here:

Today I went to Mela’s house so we could watch Tom and Jerry together – seeing as she’s never really seen it before! I had the collection of the award winning eps, so we watched it. She made me popcorn, and I threw in some of the Maccas spicy shaker salt I had. Then we ate sticky rice and curry puffs. Then we watched TVD on her laptop for a while. Then we cuddled and I tickled her til she kicked me in the head.

Life is just really good right now. I shan’t complain about any of the smallĀ inconveniences.

I love her!


P.S. Summer is upon us (as the sheets of rain and biting wind that accompanied me today reminded me so), the song titles commence.


I think, for now, I can be content just sitting on the couch with some good munchies and a solid supply of decent sitcoms.

It’s strange – at least, I find it strange – that I can be so tired of life sometimes. I can wake up with absolutely no outlook on anything, not wishing or wanting to get up out of bed but knowing I should. I’ll make it to lunchtime before my eyelids feel thick and heavy, and I want to just bury my face in my blankets and sleep the heaviness away.

Then, other times, I’d miss another voice, another face so much that I’d pick up the phone to annoy someone, or look through my pictures just to see those loved faces. I’d dredge up memories of laughter just to take the buzzing blue feeling away.

Content. I love doing things with people. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I’ve done things with people, like going shopping and finding something that either I or they wanted, or having watched a movie and discuss it, or go bowling and, win or lose, witnessed a funny moment I could relive later. But I love even more quiet conversations, heads huddled together, whispering secrets that I’d never say louder, giggling at things that mean nothing.

Like the bankside bench, like the nap.

De Fluffe, Out.


We all need it.

Some more frequently than others.

I need it.


And if they were only to ask me,

I would give it to them.

Honestly, and with complete pleasure to do so.

But they don’t.

Probably because they already know.

So, to my beloved BRuCE and my two Dani’s:

If you ever need it,

I’m here.

I just hope the same applies for me.

Can someone turn the happiness on?

Why am i not happy like I used to be? I used to be able to have long happy thoughts and memories, my imaginations full of fun things we could do, have done, should do, so forth. Now it’s hard for me to think happily. Despite myself, I keep hearing a darker voice telling me to see the worst in things. To see the glass as half empty instead of being grateful for the water I’ve been given.

And I should be happy. It’s not from the person I’d originally thought, but I’ve gotten everything I ever wanted in a friend. And all I could do to her is complain about how she’s not the person. I should just cut the crap. I’ve been given a pretty good run for the past weeks and a pretty good run coming up for the holidays.

There are three letters I want to write before the year is out. They’re each to Bianca, Carmaine, Dani and Eunice. I want to thank them, in a lengthy manner. But I don’t even know where to start. Last year Carmaine wrote me 2 simple pages, A5, and in less than 200 words she’d struck the chord, and given me a message I still keep in my wallet. I should be able to do the same. I should be able to write the same kind of things so easily. But I can’t even find the voice that I write with.

Last night I had a long and, let’s face it, depressing conversation with Dani. Well, no. The topic of conversation was depressing, but I felt more relaxed and comfortable and…content than if we were talking about plans for the summer holidays.

There was just one other moment when I was content, and that was when I was at Bee’s house, lying in her lap while she was…trying…to study for History. Just watching the Flinestones and feeling her breathing.

I’m not happy or content unless I’m with someone else, these days. I personally depress myself. I can’t stand the crash back to reality after my dreams end.

De Fluffe, Out.