Don’t Listen To A Word I Say

[Little Talks – Of Monsters and Men]

This post is a few days late because of a sudden influx of LIFE that happened over the last few days. And by that, I mean Amelia’s and Melody‘s party. (By the way, Melody is kinda in a blog clique kind of thing, so my tacking on of her link is me trying to integrate myself.)

On Thursday, I went to Amelia’s house early to help her clean her house and set up for her party. She’d gotten her Ps just the day before, so I got picked up from my door and drive to her door, and let me say, having spent the past two years taking two different buses for an hour each time just to get to her house, I think I will enjoy this new freedom!

We washed up some dirty dishes and cleaned the kitchen, and then she vacuumed the house while Meg tried to fight off the noise monster. Then we had a bit of a rest, had Nandos for lunch (also, another perk of having her drive: instead of having to order expensive pizza in, or making instant noodles, we can now go out for lunch if we want) then a snooze. When it was nearly time, we went downstairs to blow up some balloons and that’s when people started arriving.

You may not be able to tell, but I’m not a fan of recounting in deep detail everything that happened, so here’s a quick run-down.

Most people were well over an hour late, and so when the pizza finally came, everyone was dead hungry, and demolished the first round. We had to go order more. The alcohol began to Β flow as well, albeit in little amounts, because her parents are still home. Everyone was hanging out and listening to some guitar playing, and then for some reason some people wanted to watch UP, so we put that on as well.

It was nearing 11pm, and poor Meg had been up for hours and hours (with a tiny nap in the middle). We’d taken her for a big walkies in the afternoon so she’d empty her bowels outside and not be too excited when people come and pee on them. As a result, she was exhausted. When UP was finishing, her eyes were watering, and she was getting quite grumpy. Thankfully, there were three people at the party apart from Amelia and myself that Meg suddenly took a liking to, and those three people took turns hugging Meg until she became docile and just dozed off.

Anyway, that was Meg. I was worried she’d be badly behaved, but Amelia hugged her every now and then which made her happy, and mostly she was friendly to the twenty odd strangers in the house.

Serena made a caramel cheesecake, which she was paranoid over, because she felt like it wasn’t good/sweet/cold enough. Now, I’ve seen her make many cakes in the past, but I’ve never gotten to try a single bite. But, IT WAS AMAZING. I don’t even like cheesecake or caramel and I loved it. I hope she makes me more. Serena, are you reading still? Make me MORE!

Now, we talk about Cindy.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, Cindy is one of Amelia’s closest friends and, if I divide everything down to the most common denominator, probably the reason I got together with Amelia in the first place. The way that Cindy and I met isn’t exactly the best example of my ability to “stay cool”.

But that night, it was Cindy’s turn to not be cool! She accidentally forgot she didn’t eat much (accidentally), and did a few shorts in quick succession. As a result, she became extremely friendly with everyone, and ample hugs were abound. Then, the high wore off, and the head-stuck-in-the-toilet era rolled in. By the end of the night…at around 2:30 am, we had the last stragglers of the party (namely Amelia, myself and three others who were staying over, Nico – Cind’s boyfriend and who now on I will call Naochi because that’s what I call him – and Ash, who was getting a ride from Nico) holding plastic bags up to her face, telling her to just throw up to feel better (horrible phrase to take out of context, I know). In all, it was an amusing but tiring way to finish off what was otherwise a really amazing party.

I had to bring that up, sorry, because it was a fond memory that I’m sure I’ll appreciate to read about a few years later.

I went home early Friday morning because Amelia had work first thing. I had my day of rest, and then another half day of rest on Saturday, before Amelia picked me up for Melody’s. She held it at Ondergrounds on Russell St, which was a pretty cool venue, but because I had to leave really early due to work Sunday, I only really stayed for a few shots and left. But, from what I saw, everyone was in for a crazy night (and I’m pretty sure Melody will supplement and blog more about it on her fancy dotcom page, so do check it out! LIKE SHE NEEDS PLUGGING), and I was sorry I missed it.

And, to finally catch up, I worked all Sunday and all today.

PS Here’s Meg

Camera 360She’s having a nap while hugging her decimated Pikachu toy. It no longer has a face, but boy is it her favorite.

 

 

VIP

First off, let me be clear. This is NOT Alex but Josh as a VIP guest blogger ^^ Alex made me promise not to screw around in her account so I guess the best I can do is some self-ego boosting. Pretty sad eh.

So everyone’s been wanting to know what EXACTLY happened in steamy, cramped depths of the Bass Lounge on Saturday night. However, the main subject in this story is extremely embarrassed by her actions, so for her sake, I will be using the pseudonym ‘Anna’. K-. This pseudonym may or may not be her actual name.

So for our…’camp’, we decided to hit the clubs on Saturday night. Using Jen ‘Ballsy’ N-‘s house as a base camp, the delegation of happy, albeit pretty clueless clubbers comprising of Annie, Anna and her best friend Clara along with myself, finally chose to grace ‘Saturday nights at Bass Lounge’ with our presence despite not knowing how to even get there. We had a few pre-drinks, which were just a couple of Vodka Cruisers, nothing serious, whilst engaging in a game of ‘Guess the Korean Song!’ which pretty much rendered Lex twitching and convulsing on the couch in pain.

‘Anna’s Drink Count: 2 bottles of cruisers.

After a few games of pool at Strike, we made a long trek up to Bass Lounge, located in the upper reaches of China Town. At this point, Anna (or should I say, ‘Anna’) seemed completely fine. We met up with Doug ‘Wherearemymarks’ T- and his friend Harold, and this random guy from Vancouver that Doug had just randomly picked up from a random bar. By me saying ‘random guy’, means I’ve forgotten his name -.- Whilst waiting for entrance, Annie and I sat ‘Anna’ down for a lecture about not approaching random strangers, not accepting random drinks from strangers and basically not picking up random things and putting them into her mouth. She nodded and promised she wouldn’t. We believed her. We also made an agreement between the 7 of us to stick together, no matter what, as it would be all too easy to lose each other once inside. After all, you would likely be prone to losing ‘Anna’ in her own bedroom.

We finally gained entrance into the club after some hardcore string pulling, and instantly, we could hear the thumping bass of the music emanating from the dance floor. Even I couldn’t help but smile at the infectious rhythm and beat. We decided to open the night with a tequila shot each (which, by the way, was freaking expensive). By now, ‘Anna’ was looking pretty happy, though she was looking so even before the drink. Pretty soon, we were out on the floor, dancing away and having a good time. Doug and Harold were pretty good company, though the Vancouver guy was a tad awkward.

Anna’s Drink Count: 2 vodka cruisers, one tequila shot

HOWEVER, it wasn’t long before the first disaster struck. WE LOST ANNA. SOMEHOW. For a space of 5-10 minutes, we could find NO trace of Anna, and naturally, we all panicked. If anyone else was lost, we wouldn’t have worried so much, but ‘Anna’ being ‘Anna’…she’d be the LAST person you’d want to lose in an unfamiliar place filled with unfamiliar people. Eventually, our search & rescue team randomly bumped into her. And instantly, we noticed something was wrong.

She seemed out of it in a very high way. She didn’t respond to questions (in fact, didn’t talk at all), seemed completely disconnected, and danced in a more…’out there’ way than you’d expect from a normally pretty conservative and shy girl. Mind you, she was a very good dancer, and she instantly attracted a lot of male attention. She also started to develop a strange affinity with my arm – she repeatedly clutched onto it, grabbed them to wrap around her waist, as well as hugging me and all kinds of stuff that was completely out of character. However, the most worrying thing was, she kept wanting to walk away from us, even though she didn’t seem to have a specific destination in mind. Every few moments, someone had to lasso her back into the group, and it became pretty clear she wasn’t really getting the concept of ‘sticking together’.

After about an hour of this, we decided that possibly, the tequila shots were getting to her, and it WAS hot in there, so we decided to get some water into her and flush out any alcohol in there, as well as getting her fluid levels back up. However, when she saw the proffered glass of water, she merely giggle uncontrollably at it and refused to drink. It took quite a bit of persuasion, and eventually she got about half a glass down, which made no difference.

After being back on the floor established the drifting away pattern again, we decided that fresh air was what she needed, so Annie, Clara and I dragged her in front of this giant fan in the corner of the club and stood her in front of it. It didn’t help. In fact, it may have made things even worse for her, because now she had this giant fan effect and she started to act as if she were in one of those Pantene shampoo ads, with her long, silky smooth, strong black hair billowing out in a halo around her face. She stayed like that for about half-an-hour before we realised that it clearly wasn’t doing the trick. It wasn’t just air she needed; she needed to get out of the music.

So Doug and I literally dragged her out, with Annie, Clara, Harold and the Vancouver dude forming the vanguard. Doug pulled her left arm from the front, whilst I latched onto the other from behind. We took a ‘Smoking Break’ ticket and pulled her onto the ledges outside, taking care to move her away from the other hordes of smokers. Even outside, she was trouble. First, she refused to sit down, so I had to literally carry and lift her onto the ledge. Once there, she complained about the smokers, refused to let Doug smoke and destroyed his self-esteem as well as lashing out at him with stillettoed feet. However, on the BRIGHT side, she was talking again. We gave her math questions, asked for names, made her follow our fingers with her eyes – on the whole, she seemed fine in the cognitive department. She just wanted to keep dancing.

It was during this break, a disturbing piece of information surfaced. Annie didn’t believe that 1 tequila shot would mess Anna up so much for so long, at which Anna interjected with, ‘No I didn’t have one! I had 3!’

It was quickly ascertained that she couldn’t remember what she had drunk, but she definitely wasn’t including the water we’d given her earlier. So basically, somewhere along the lines, she’d picked up another 2 unidentified drinks. Now THAT scared us.

Anna’s Drink Count: 2 Vodka Cruisers, 1 tequila shot, ??

The Vancouver dude and Annie ran a quick errand and bought her a bottle of water, which, again, the stubborn girl refused to drink. I had to literally FEED her the water, holding the bottle up to her lips and tilting her head back manually – she seemed oddly submissive about that though, and managed to down about half a bottle, which was better than nothing. After a long break, during which ‘Anna’ promised she’d behave herself even though she didn’t think she had done anything ‘crazy’, we took her back in.

For the 2nd half of the night, she was…better. Though that may have been because we took extra persuasions; either me or Annie held onto her waist/hand while she danced, or the whole group would just surround her and box her in while she danced obliviously in the center. Once, when I had been left alone with her, I still had to relocate her 6 times in 5 minutes because she was attracting too much attention. The thing is, she would continuously dance up to other guys without realising it, but when guys danced on her, she’d recoil in disgust.

At 3am, we all decided to call it a night. Annie was exhausted, I had no voice left. Hungry, thirsty and tired, we decided on a Macca’s run for some food and drink before hitting a taxi home. On the way there Anna suddenly commented, ‘What happened?’

Our instant reaction was, ‘…WHAT!?’

She had already forgotten everything that had happened up to, and including the break. Forgotten. Clean. To add insult to injury, she refused to believe what we told her.

Up until now, she still doesn’t remember what happened. She also doesn’t remember what the unidentified drinks were but we eventually figured out they were gin and tonics, which she mistook as water, from a sleaze which she mistook as a bartender -.- Gin and Tonics aren’t exactly weak, especially for a person such as Anna, who’s tolerance is dangerously low.

Anyway, she woke up with a killer headache the next morning.

And that’s pretty much what happened. Thank you to everyone, Doug especially for handling the situation very smoothly. If we think about it, things could have gotten a lot, lot more worse. In the meantime, Anna’s not going clubbing for a while.

-Josh

xx

Along The Streets In The Rain

[Fantasy – My American Heart]

Glenny fest was on today, and man my feet are sore. This will result in a very short blog about it.

Woke up today to mom yelling that she’s not going to drive out so “late” (it was 10 am), so I pretty much got pissed off, dressed, and ran out of the house.

Got to the fest, and made Lois (Hallelujah, she lives close by) meet me. We walked around and started eating – which was more than we could do at the Jap fest yesterday. It started the game “Will Jenny Be Sick Eating This?”

Saw a trailer with those fun color balls in it. It made me really wish I was smaller (or there were more balls) so I could take a picture of me inside, and caption it “Bazinga”.

Lois had to go to church at some point, so I walked back, and met up with Evon (wow, I haven’t seen her in so long. She’s so tanned now), and her friend Coco (his name, by the way, isn’t Coco. But because he didn’t want to be called Coco, it made sense to call him that).Β  Walked around a bit more (the amount of walking I did was shocking. I think I did maybe a dozen odd rounds of the festival), and ate more food. I had an ice kacang, which, for 4 dollars, I thought would have been a ripoff EXCEPT they gave it to me in a HUGE ASS SOUP BOWL and I found it hard to finish it after Andrew and I noticed that the melted ice kacang looked a lot like…

Lois re-joined us, and we tried to find places to sit down. Lois realized that the eggs she’d loved to eat prior to church were all sold out. It was a heart shattering moment.

Went into the Glen to chill. We sat at the food court and talked about the previous day, and then we talked about skiing. The plan is this winter, hopefully over my birthday weekend, we’d go up to Buller to ski.

Hopefully.

There was more walking. We came across these 2 kids holding hands, and we reckoned they were probably 12 or 13. It started a 10 minute long conversation about what we did when we were that young.

So I got home at around 6, feet exhausted. I’m still pretty full from the day of eating (at some point I’d called Jenny to explain the food I ate, and it made her feel sick again. Honestly. Oh dear). OH and I nearly forgot, I bumped into Emily as well. It was nice of her to grace us East-siders, now that she’s living on campus.

Alex.

P.S. Josh asked me to clarify: He did not appreciate my calling him “his highness” and making it sound like he complained “more than he actually did” because the others were “too quiet to complain anyway”. I wasn’t being sarcastic; I was quoting him. Okay. Conscience lifted.

P.P.S. Speaking of conscience: Jenny, I’m sorry.

P.P.P.S. I just tagged all the food I ate today. So if you want to read it, go ahead.

The Savior Of The Broken

[Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance]

This post was written by Alex but posted by her lovely “master”, Jenny.

Yesterday was Jenny’s 18th birthday, and she had a BBQ at Jells Park. At least, she thought that was all there was.

I got up really early and went with my parents to Springvale so they would be able to drop me off at Glen on time. Had some weird but enlightening conversation with my mom regarding problems in her side of the family.

Got to the Glen at past 9:30 (after Jenny had called me almost 3 times demanding to know where I was) and met up with her at Safeway. We went around shopping, and then drove up to Jells.

It was warm but windy, and still getting better from feeling slightly coughy, I wasd worried. But then people started arriving, and I forgot about it. We started blowing up balloons (“ballons”, as Jenny’s shopping list read) and strung them up like a free-flying kite. It actually looked pretty nice. Met Alex C (I’ll call him AC in this post) and Hele-.

So when more guys came we started cooking. Steph played her awful K-Pop music.

Steph really wanted to go to the playground. She actually whinged about it. So we (Sam, Hele-, Steph, Ven- I think and myself) went to the swings. Then we went back, and by the time we’d gotten back most of the good meat were eaten.

We all sat down and had lunch. Hele- drowned my food in tomato sauce, making my lunch look like road kill. So I tried to kill hers in BBQ sauce. I remarked that my lunch looked like it was bleeding; she retorted that her lunch looked like it was taking a dump.

After lunch, and after taking about 2 hours to buy some drinks and change pants, Lois and AC arrived with a whole box of Cruisers. Thus the drinking started.

Jenny had maybe a total of 3/4 of a bottle before she felt ill. So ill that…well you can imagine. We figured, since she’d downed vodka shots before, maybe it was something in the Cruiser that didn’t agree with her. The best moment in what was a pretty awful moment was Nashi running up to Jenny with a bag and, standing like he was about to haul ass and run, thrusted the bag at her.

Pom was left to carry the (leaking) bad dripping with the stuffs to the bathroom. That was sorta funny too.

Anyway, sat with Jenny while she was trying to feel better, and watched Pom fail at frisbee with the boys.

After Jenny felt good enough to stop staring at a wall, we joined the others playing Blackjack: loser has to do a dare nominated. I sided with Jenny seeing as I forgot mostly how to play Blackjack, and so when we busted to 25, as the birthday girl, Jenny had to do the dare.

I think I won’t re-mention what she had to do. Because not mentioning it makes the dare sound even more…dare I say…Juizy?

Then came cake cutting time! Pom stayed up late and made the most beautiful pink cake. Then after that people had to start leaving. Some for the day…some…for what we made Jenny think was the day.

When everyone had more or less left, I was left with Jenny, waiting for her dad to arrive to “drop me off at the Glen”. Well, what was REALLY happening was that Lois had organized a surprise dinner for Jenny at the Sichuan Hotpot!

Apparently, though, the special girl knew about it (or rather knew there was something going on) because when I’d called her parents the previous night (and explained the situation in my crappy Chinese) she’d sussed already. Still. She looked reasonably pleased.

We ordered way too much food (and Pom spilled AC’s Smirnoff Ice that we snuck in) and so we sat there for over 2 hours eating our way through nearly 15 plates of food. Near the end, we smelled burning in the hotpot, and told the waitress whom we’d already pissed off (and who Kevin tried to boil) that we burned the hotpot.

3 minutes later, Andrew started scooping in the murky water, and lo and behold scooped out a metal ladle that had been sitting in there for maybe 20 good minutes. Burning? Try boiled metal.

I hope we didn’t get food/metal poisoning.

I got home ready to burst and collapse at the same time. But I was happy that (despite minor setbacks and regurgitations) Jenny seemed to have enjoyed herself very much.

Happy Birthday Love!

Alex.

Dive In And Swim Away

[This Is The Future – Owl City]

I JUST REALIZED! I never wrote about Jen’s birthday. I feel so ashamed.

Alright so I’ll write very quickly because I have to write about today as well.

So I went up to Crown on Jan 1st, which is Jen’s birthday, and I wore my nice blazer that everyone seems to love (yay). Got to the Village Cinemas, and found SonJ.

Chris, James and Ray were there too, and Chris gave me a shirt that has Jen printed on it (as in, various pictures of her face) so we all wore that. Jen arrived, hug hug hug, we went into The Pub (where we ate after Valedictory and which SonJ had once described as “the place with people, the chairs and tables”). We went to get some drinks (BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS OLD ENOUGH!). I felt short at the bar, but thank God there was a bar (aha) where I stood so I can look tall-ish.

Ordered food (the Asian chick who served us was nice, which worked out well later on). Then when we sat down I noticed this table placement thing that said “If you book for a birthday, you receive complementary wine and cake”. I was like, get out no way. So we agreed to get SonJ and Ray to go up to the Asian chick who was previously nice and asked that though we didn’t book can we get a cake for Jen? They were so nice that they went to get a cake from somewhere else ‘cos they didn’t have one in the back.

Go The Pub.

SonJ is awesome in this respect: when she tries to explain something she starts with the broadest meaning. So in this instance she was trying to get a word like “testimonial” and she started with “you know when people write something about something?”

After dinner we went to the bowling place, but it was chocked full (duh it was NYD) so we went to Fusion bar. Paid, got stamped, and then there was no one inside (and a small bottle of Mount Franklin costs 5 bucks WHAT?!) so after a while we danced in the middle of the empty floor like douches, and then I had to leave.

Okay it doesn’t sound EXCITING when I say it here but the night was really awesome. Just talking nonsense with friends. Awesome. Better than NYE I suppose.

Alright, now I gotta go write about today!

Alex

Go Ahead And Lower It Down

[Hey Brittany! – Forever The Sickest Kids]

Yesterday I caught up with Angie and Si-, the latter of whom I haven’t seen since the end of 2008. Man a year sure goes fast.

I dressed up…well Angie sort of yelled at me on Saturday for not owning a single dress:

A: “How have you LIVED until now?!”

Me: “Happily and comfortably.”

So I went and found something to wear and it was warm yesterday so I had to deal with it. I showed Angie what I was wearing (I felt like getting my mother’s consent but well, if it made her happy) and she said yes to this:

I messed up the time table reading skills, and looked at bus and train times for Monday – Friday, when it is Saturday times for this week. It resulted in me standing at the bus stop for about 40 minutes, but luckily I found some shade, and a new band to listen to.

Took the train up to Melbourne Central, and having given myself plenty of time to travel I was on time despite being later than I anticipated. Watched the tourists film the clock singing (one of those days I will have listened to it too many times). Then surprise surprise Dom showed up at Melbourne Central so I made him stand with me for a while before Si- and Angie arrived.

Said bye to the Badger-boy, and we went with Angie’s friends Ruby and Simon to Madame Brussels.

The chairs on the very right of the picture, that was the ones we sat in.

Ruby and Simon had to leave pretty early, so it left Si-, Angie and myself just having “girl talks” (oh yes, I was in a girl talk. It was new).

There were many interesting quotes that came out of that girl talk, such as:

S: “And he’s pretty tank. He does this fighting thing. What’s it called? UFO? No…”

We shared a jug of Moscow Mule and Singapore Slingshot, and then felt like some Hungry Jack’s. (I BROKE MY NO FAST FOOD THING! I was lasting since Oct 31st…let’s just not count this, right?) Then we went to Cookie, which is the rooftop bar above the Secret Bookshop where I got Katherine her present.

Clearly that wasn’t the time we went but you get the idea that…it’s on a rooftop. They got a Gin and Tonic and I got a Vodka Apple after April introduced me to it.

After Cookie, when we had about 10 minutes left until 10 pm, so we rushed to the Harajuku Crepe store and I got a Tiramisu deluxe. We went to the trains, and I saw that my train was in 1 minute, so I hauled ass only to miss the train by 5 secs. If I had 5 more seconds I’d be on that train. Instead I waited with Si- for about 15 minutes until her train arrived, and then went down to take my train.

On the way home there was this weird Asian lady in front of me doing a bad pretense of taking a picture of herself. Call me self-important but I’m pretty sure she was taking a picture of me. And then her phone rang and it was the strings theme from Psycho. I was texting Jenny about how I was on a train (I don’t get why people think that the Glen Waverley line is scary at night. As long as everyone’s sober Glen Waverley is safe as) and she got worried about the lady and the lateness, so she told me to be careful. I laughed and told her I’m fine, and at that exact moment, around Mount Waverley, the train shuddered really badly and there was a loud crunching sound. I thought to myself, “Oh fuck you karma don’t try to prove me wrong now…”

I couldn’t fall asleep for ages, and then just as I was drifting off at around 2 am my phone sounded, and it was Mani telling me I forgot to sign out of MSN on my phone.

Gained consciousness at around 8 when Bianca emailed me which made my phone go off, and I was going to reply on the spot, but I rolled over and the next thing I knew it was 11:30.

Alex.

P.S. Murder, She Wrote, is really funny.

Mentally Retarded, Steroids, Arsonists…It’s A Good Family

Yesterday was Dani’s 18th birthday! I remember last year I think I told people to go to her blog to wish her a happy birthday. DO IT AGAIN! Even though you’re a day late.

So last night Andrew and Za- had planned a surprise celebration of sorts for Dani. They’d gone to the Wonderland Ice Skating rink.

Carmaine and I took the train to the city together, because we weren’t going to go ice-skating. Got to the Wonderland place (which is on HarbourTown)Β  at past seven, and watched April, Si, Za-, Andrew, Dani and Kud ice skate for a while. It was getting cold already! I wasn’t wearing enough (that is, I was wearing a shirt and shorts. It was pretty windy, alright?)

They finished ice skating at around half past seven, because D.P. was texting saying she was freezing her ass off outside the Medici the restaurant we were going to eat at. We walked down to the restaurant (Si said it was in one direction and everyone else walked in another. I said we should follow Si because “Simon says”), and felt really awesome walking in when everyone else waited for a table, because Za- and Andrew had already made a reservation.

Za- made a fail move when she sat down on the small individual tables instead of the large table for 11 people…I laughed.

Sat down, and ordered a few drinks and the food. At some point Dysh- and her boyfriend came along, and then Talinoob also came along. (Mel had left by this point, I forgot to mention.) Dani and I, for old times’ sake, did another sugar-shot. To Englang, we toasted, and downed that packet of coffee sugar.

So we started doing the whole joking around thing that Andrew loves so much. Last year for Dani’s birthday the theme and butt of all jokes were how small Carmaine’s eyes were. This year it was how mentally retarded I look/act, how Dani’s pretty much a crazed arsonist, and how Carmaine is probably on steroids, to explain why she’s so freaking tall when the rest of the “family” isn’t.

The “family”, by the way, is a Facebook joke where Andrew and Dani are the parents of Eunice, Bianca, Carmaine and myself. Eunice and Bianca had since took themselves off the family list (or never joined it) so just Carmaine and myself. D.P. is our Auntie. I am the effing son/brother. Since I’m the only one who bears some resemblance to Andrew (another long running joke) we figured that Carmaine had to be adopted. Still, Andrew realized the reason Carmaine doesn’t seem to fit into the family is because she’s on steroids. When Andrew first said, “Holy crap my family is fucked up. I got an arsonist for a wife, a mentally retarded son and a daughter who’s on steroids.” Carmaine laughed, and then asked, “Wait, who’s the one on steroids?”

Guess the steroids got to her brain?

I ordered a Midori drink thing, which Za- said she’d shout me. D.P. ended up taking it, so I ordered myself a Japanese Slipper which is Midori, cointreau and lemon juice. When that came, Carmaine took a sip and made a face because it was quite strong. I liked it. I made April promise to make me one some day because she knows how. She ordered a Sex On The Beach (I told her to text Vania about it).

Then Za-drank about half of it, all the time saying, “Oh man I get sick at the sight of liquer!” Weird girl.

So because Za- took my drink, she decided to shout me a Baileys (which Julia knows is my favorite).

We had heaps of sexual connotative jokes – look if we freaking ordered a Sex On The Beach and D.P. started getting a bit tipsy you know sexual jokes are gonna show up. In this case…actually I think, in the interest of not publicly shaming Carmaine, I won’t repeat what that 2 handed joke was.

Then Andrew started trying to finish all the food people didn’t finish, like the ravioli, risotto and the pasta Carmaine didn’t want (she ended up eating some of my gnocchi). He got really full and started acting really stoned, and then he had some of Dani’s Sex On The Beach (everyone had some Sex On The Beach with Dani, apparently. It was a good birthday for her) and went really red in the face.

We then started playing Chinese whispers. D.P. thought it would be oh-so-funny to start something along the lines of “Peter Pepper Poked A…” etc which I, as the 3rd last person, got as “Peter Poked Her Peter Poked Her”.

Left at around nine thirty, and took Talinoob and D.P. through Docklands to get them back to Flinders (I was worried because they were walking in slight zigzags and hooting like hyenas) but in the end we (Carmaine and myself) ditched them at a tram stop and walked to Southern Cross. Southern Cross didn’t run Glen Waverley so we took a train back to Flinders and then took a Glen Waverley. Gave Carmaine a ride home, and then contemplated blogging this before bed on the iTouch. Thought hell no, and fell asleep until about 8:30 or so this morning when I got woken up by my parents yelling at each other.

So, happy birthday Dani my darling dearest doodoo! Haha I said doodoo.

I love you!

Alex