Happy birthday Hamwu!

Got a fair amount to write about today. So here goes:

Before I get to Andrew’s surprise dinner, I just want to say that today I finally pinpointed why Jack (the tutor)’s laugh is so strange.

IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE DR. HIBBERT FROM THE SIMPSONS!

Alright, so after I finished at my 12:30 session at Jack’s, during which I sat next to 2 strangers and I had Biro, Zhu- and Mon- 2 rows behind me (Jack kept on calling Zhu- “Zohan”) I went to take a train from Springvale up into the city. Springvale, let me say now, is dodgy. I was there on a Sunday afternoon, no EASTER Sunday afternoon, and I felt its dodginess. Imagine a Thursday night. Brr.

Organized to meet April under the Clock (from now on I will refer to “under the clock at Melb Central” as “UCMC”) at around 3:30. So I got there and started playing my DS, and I get a text from her saying that she’d had some ticket inspectors get on the tram and she didn’t have any coins (nor a ticket, obviously). She told me later that when she saw them get on, she kind of said loudly into her phone, “Oh oh okay, I’ll get off right now, see you later!” And walked from Flinders to Melb Central. All that happened was I got an extra 15 minutes of game time.

We went in search for places that are open – toilets first. Had a joke along the way that the only things that are open are ones run by Asians. Not much had proven otherwise as we went up to the bathroom near Nandos on the upper level of Melb Central. One stall was out of toilet paper and the other blocked. Went down to the one near Bubble Cup near the turnstiles. On the way down, we went down an escalator that had stopped. I said to April, “See, this escalator is run by white people. And the one next to us which is still on is run by Asians. Equal job opportunities, but we just work harder.”

Went down Swanston to Starbucks on Lonsdale (I’m getting used to the street names…finally) and sat outside on a bench because the seats were taken (the Starbucks had to be run by Asians). Then a couple in a SmartCar pulled up and parked right beside us. We started laughing at the car because it looked like a normal car with its arse chopped off. The guy went into the cafe to get a drink, and his girlfriend appeared to be trying to sleep in the car. I wondered why she didn’t just recline back when I realized that if she’d reclined her seat she would break through the back of the car.

Sophie came later, and we went up to UCMC, where some people were already waiting. Then, Soph’s boyfriend whose name is rather distinct so I won’t write it here, he came with a Scream mask – as he was going to a costume party later. When Andrew and Dani came – AND IT WAS A SURPRISE! Andrew kept saying how sneaky Dani was – there was about a 5 minute gap between them coming and us leaving, during which SBF (Soph’s boyfriend) went around ghosting people (ghosting, like Hamish and Andy ghosting) in the mask. He followed 2 Asian guys who noticeably walked faster and faster to get away from him. And all we did was stand in a group and giggle. Actually, we walked down Swanston to Red Silks with him in the mask, and an Asian guy took a picture with him and got a hug (we all laughed) and 4 TB Asian girls went past him and started giggling hysterically. Soph is a lucky girl.

Winston gave Andrew 2 huge stuffed animals, a bear and a monkey. I don’t know what he ended up naming them. So the 2 large (when I say large, I mean they’re about the size of my upper body head inclusive) animals went with us into China Town.

I think at this point I should mention the presence of Doug and Kat (or Cat…sorry I didn’t ask), and that Dani gave Andrew a new manly watch. During dinner, the group was split into two. To be blunt, one table were the Asian TBs and gangsters, and the other one was the couples table, except for April, another dude whose name I forgot, and myself. I sat opposite Doug. So Andrew was trying to figure out how to set the time on the watch, and must’ve said something like “wow it has so many functions!” because when I went into the conversation, I heard Doug joking about a watch that had an irony meter – so you don’t look stupid saying something is ironic when it isn’t. Then Dani said that it could also have a Gay-Dar. Doug pretended to go “bip bip bip BEEP BEEP BEEP” when it “pointed” at Dani, and I added, “Dani would probably say, ‘baby, there’s something I need to tell you.’ ‘I ALREADY KNOW!'” And Doug finished with, “At this point the irony meter would probably go off.”

So from that point on all through the night everytime I said irony we would pretend the “irony meter” went off.

Kat, Doug’s girlfriend, is good at singing. And Red Silks decided to play a collection of the sappiest love songs, to which Kat knew most of the lyrics. She would burst into song, which also meant she couldn’t eat. I made the remark that if she sings to every song she knew, she’d never finish her meal. Later on came a song she hated, and she said, “Oh good I get a chance to eat now!”

And, a final mini story. SBF ordered the Kiao Teow, which Red Silks does a bit spicy. SBF was sweating as he was eating it, remarking how much he loves it, and Soph decided to try a bit. Soph does NOT do well with chilli, and started gulping down water. So April handed Soph her water, and I handed Soph mine, and then I took Kat’s to give to Soph. She sat there for 4 minutes afterwards just trying to get the feeling away. In the meantime, Kat and I had a sound argument over whether milk or water is better when dealing with chilli.

So, that was the end of the night. Everyone went to Dani’s place but I had to go home, so I don’t know what happened afterwards. But it was a great night, and SBF in the mask is unforgettable. (Like when he tried to do the Spiderman kiss with the mask half off and it wouldn’t come off.)

Alex.

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