[Such Great Heights – Iron and Wine cover]
My relationship with my mother has been improving lately. That is not to say that at times she inexplicably explodes at me, or something she’d do just make me lose faith in her completely – it’s a disheartening thing to think of your mother ‘ this is why I hate people’ (and I know it sounds harsh, but my mother’s view, for someone who’s meant to be a ‘minority’, is shockingly racist and narrow-minded).
But, apart from that, on a very basic level, things have gotten a bit better. She’s still strict on matters that confounds me, but she’s more lenient in letting me find my own way, and recently she’s been regaling me with stories of the awkward drama that’s been happening behind my back whilst I was young.
For example, it turned out that my mom’s family strictly opposed her marrying my dad – by technicality, they eloped.
It turned out my maternal grandmother, who passed away when I was 5 or 6 and who I thought loved me enough that she overlooked any shortcomings she saw in my dad, actually refused to see me for a whole year after I was born.
And then my mom told me about how my fraternal grandparents, who I know raised me until I was 8, offered to take me in because they saw how terrible the conditions were at my maternal grandparents’, and even though it was difficult for them they never complained. Originally my mother had told them they’d only need to care for me for 2 years, and 2 years became five and a half, and when she apologized, all they said was, “Taking care of your daughter has been nothing but fun, and it’s been a really good distraction from old age.”
I mean, I get that being their only grandchild, it’s an automatic doting kind of thing, and if my uncle had had a child – who would have definitely stayed behind in China – that child would definitely get more love than me, and that’s fine. But at the time they weren’t to know that I’d live overseas. It’s difficult to communicate with them because of the language and generation barrier, and there are a lot of things happening in my life that I just can’t explain nor expect them to get, but when I really think about it, I’m quite dreading the day we get a phone call with some gravely bad news.
But yes, back to my mother. I’m glad that she’s starting to take me as a mature and serious thinker. Recently a family friend of ours have been going through some weird stuff, where the mom of the family is just making plain bad choices, and my mom had been pretty worked up over it, but didn’t know what to say when the mom visited us, so I told her beforehand to just be diplomatic – don’t agree or disagree, because it would just make things difficult, and my mom’s health can’t deal with difficult. And the thing is she is actually taking all my advice, because she says I’m better at understanding social interactions.
We’ll see how this goes.
Also, the title of this post, for my own future references, has everything to do with a very important thing that happened. I don’t quite want to write it here yet, and it’s nothing personal against the person to whom it is concerned. We’ll see.
I’m damned happy.