Haven’t seen you in a while

Today on the tram ride to Flinders, as a joke, when I sat down next to Jen I pretended that I hadn’t seen her in a while.

“Oh hey! It’s been a while, how’ve you been?” said I.

“I’ve been well,” said Jen.

“Yeah? Katie’s grown up a bit now hasn’t she? How’s she doing?”

“She’s great. Yeah she’s 17 this year.” (Which is of course the same age as Jen currently)

“How’s Tommy?”

“(Tommy’s a crap name.)”

“(YOU’RE the mom.)”

“Tommy’s good. He starts kindergarten next year.”

“Oh wow he sure grew up fast. I still remember when he was this little.”

“Yeah, and Bindi’s 21.”

“Oh wow, must be a handful.”

“Hey you goin’ to the reunion next month?”

“Yeah, the 30th right?”

“(Wow that makes Tommy have a really old mom.)”

“20th? (No that means you had Bindi when you were in Yr 12. 25th, then.) Yeah 25th Reunion. Wow it’s been ages since I’ve seen Julia…”

“And SONAM! Yeah oh did you hear Jen T- is now the…”

“President of China?”

“Yeah and plus she discovered a cure for cancer.”

“And April…well we have to call her Senator Scarlett now. (No wait, you can’t be a Senator if you’re not born in America.)”

And so it went on.

The looks we got.

Alex.

You can still be a prostitute if you want…

Wow this is my second Prostitute related post.

Today we had Regeneration Day, where basically we get to wind down and be motivated to keep going after mid years.

I won’t go into detail about what happened, because they were mostly just speakers. Actually it was just speakers. The first guy, Dobbo, was a very engaging speaker. He trained the likes of Grant Hackett (which he reminds us of constantly). Great guy, and had a lot of insight onto the psyche of girls and guys, and how to tackle problems etc.

Had 2 ex-MacRob speakers come in to tell us about their life after high school, and then had a cop come in telling us about “Safe Partying” which seemed redundant. Especially the part where they were saying how it’s illegal for under 18s to drink and have fake IDs. Yeah, nah.

Then had Lawrence Leung come in! Highlight of the day. Pity he didn’t actually talk much he only just showed us the final ep of his “Choose Your Own Adventure” TV show and told us that we can do whatever we want, it’s okay not to know now. He had (on the show) a crossbow made out of cardboard tubes and some rocket fuel stuff that shot out flames. Ace.

I won’t be able to blog for a little while, maybe until the end of the week. Can’t be bothered going into reasons, but basically yeah.

Take care,

Alex.

First Day Of The Last

Today I had my first official school day of Year 12. Actually, I suppose it wasn’t really a full day considering it was a Wednesday and most of it were interrupted by school photos, but nonetheless a working day.

We were given the outline for English and Legal, my two classes for today, and while both of them are a bit daunting, I think if I pull my head in I can do it. English will require me to put in a bit more effort with notes and prep than I usually do, and it was a bit sad actually not having April in my class to relieve the stress like I usually have her. I have some pretty big personalities in my English class this year so if I don’t watch what I say I might get onto the wrong side of things. I don’t know, maybe I want that. So far, I’ve been dubbed as the knife-killer due to a misunderstanding in an activity we did. And Legal Studies I see to be a rather hard but fun subject, because Julia and Jen are really good to sit with, and Mr Sh- is an interesting speaker.

Tomorrow I have my first Methods and English Language class. I shudder to think what will happen in Methods. I hope that I’m keeping up with the work. And it will be interesting to see how Miss Madd- teaches, as compared to Mr And-. Oh, speaking of which, Ino- Sensei has officially changed her name so it is hyphenated with Mr And-‘s as well. And here I was thinking that it just meant they were being coodinators together.

I got the bottom locker, but I suppose it’s not too bad, despite the crowding. Most of my classes, bar Methods, are all on the same level and building as my locker, with my form room and my Legal Studies class right next door to it. So I can afford to wait for an opening.

I sat under the aircon in Legal and I’ve got a bit of a headache. I’m sure it’s nothing a spot of water, a good sleep and my immune system can’t kick, though. Bee, Carmaine and Fel studied at the Glen library after school while I waited for my mom to pick me up. It annoys me that, because I don’t study much, I sometimes get shunned from them when they do need to study. This probably won’t be too big a problem this year, considering I want to pick up my slack (baby steps, as Mr Sh- advised) but nonetheless…

I don’t know if I will blog as frequently as I do from now on. It’s become a habit to log on every night and tap in a few (hundred) words. But at the same time I want to keep up in Methods, and stay on top of the reading for Legal. And then, Chinese will start. I’m pretty glad I did an extra year of Chinese beforehand, because I’ve got a fair idea of what Year 12 is like. I’m just worried about my Detailed Studies.

Socially, Year 12 is shaping up pretty well. I stepped into the Common Room for a bit today but it was crowded by quite a few people – if I’m honest, it was crowded by the group of people I expected it to be dominated by – so we didn’t do much. I haven’t yet taken advantage of microwaves and whatnots. The canteen has adopted a new menu this year. I mean, yeah, it’s healthier, but frankly it’s a lot more expensive for food that we can all bring from home anyway, and bloody hell they’re charging 20c for a packet of ketchup, whereas before it was liberal dispensing of soy sauce, ketchup, mustard…and plus they’ve taken off most of the greasy foods which we rely on in winter. Interested to see how long this new health kick can last for.

It was pretty good to hang out a bit with the people in my form, I didn’t do much of that at camp. Form is going to be awesome this year, because we’ve got our old Geography/History room, and there were many a good memory made there in the past. I feel that everyone’s being pretty happy and nice to everyone else (at least as far as I’m aware) because it’s our final year. That is not to say I haven’t also noticed how much distaste I have for some people who laughed and made fun of other people behind their backs (case in point the envelopes of postcards we made for English, with our personalities on them. A few girls have been looking at them with their friends and laughing and guessing some postcards to be representing “retard” or “pedophile”).

Oh well, one more year and I can be rid of those idiots forever. Spend more time with real friends.

Keep Cool (and motivated)

D.F.

Monash Uni Camp 2009

On Monday and for a good half of today I was on my Monash Uni camp, at where else but Monash University?

Since it was a 2 day thing, I might cut a few things short. And we’ve had so many laughs and jokes and good one-liners that I can’t remember them all. I’ll try my best to see what comes to mind.

Got up early (but not as early as I’d have to get up tomorrow) and picked up Bianca and Fel from Bee’s house. Were one of the first ones (ish) to get there, but waited around for Carmaine and Eunice so we ended up being one of the middle-last ones to register. I was in a room with Carmaine while Bianca, Eunice, Mary, Fel and EmPow were in the next room. Actually, they’re like clusters of rooms, so as 48 and 49 Carmaine and I were in one cluster with 47, 46 and 45. And as 50 and onwards, the others were in the next cluster. We had no idea where our rooms were so it took some walking around to get there. Who the hell knew G stood for Ground level?

Started the camp off with the “Conference Housekeeping” (ah gotta love the program sheet). Were told what to do, what not to do, that it’s a school camp, etc. Were told lights out at 11. Oh what a story that became. For future references, every one of our “conference sessions” were held in a large theatre. For all but 2 sessions I sat in the front row with BRuCE, and most of the time Dani.

After the Conference Housekeeping came the Study Sensei, which wasn’t in Japanese. It was held by two girls called Sam and Laura, the former being 24 but we all thought she was about 18-19, and I still don’t know how old Laura is but she looked a bit younger. They told us various ways to study and to take notes, and what is a good thing to do, what is not, etc. They told us that exercise books are not a good idea. I thought “psh, I just bought them, no way I’m going to looseleaf now.” Laura played a memory game with us, trying to make us remember information about her family and life. I think that was the only interesting part of it all.

Had morning tea, which was basically everyone cramming into the common room grabbing at drinks and biscuits. Then we went to VCE Enrolment, where we filled out those mandatory forms and signed those legal releases. Then we were told about the sports activities for the afternoon.

Had lunch, in the dining hall, which in so many ways made us think of a Chinese restaurant – all that was missing were the soy sauce and chopsticks. Halfway through lunch, something happened that made Carmaine spill water onto her crotch. Luckily she was wearing tights so the discomfort is only known to her, no one else could see. We had a loud laugh and Bee sighed and asked no one in particular, “Do you see what I have to put up with?”

We then went to the sports activities. I signed up for Tennis but it took ages for the gate to be opened, so much so that Bianca, Shaz and EmPow left and went back to the rooms. Bianca and Shaz didn’t come back to play, but EmPow did. Fel and I rallied (that is, tried) a few times with Jenko and Gif-. Then we played singles for a while, before EmPow came back. After a while, Carmaine and Eunice joined us, and EmPow, and those two and I played a few rallies. I got rather sunburnt (again). Actually, I was wearing a wristguard (weak wrist) and I have a rather distinct tan line of where the wristguard starts and ends. I was rather puffed out and tired at the end of the game. And later that night when I had a chance to look into the mirror I was tomato red. When I got back to the room, I had a quick rinse in the shower and went out to afternoon tea. Then, back to the Deakin Theatre to listen to our principal talk, and then Miss K- talked to us about VCE stuff. Not much is what we haven’t heard, or know, but it was a bit daunting to have it all said again.

Then came a speaker called Jelena Popovic. She is a magistrate. April remarked that she talked JUST LIKE Ms MacA- and it was found out later on that the reason for that is they’re actually siblings. Popovic always made jokes about Ms MacA- being strict, and when she did she would cup her hands over the mike as if she were whispering, but by doing so she actually made her words louder and audible.

Before dinner, Carmaine went to play pool while I properly washed my hair, but when I left my room I couldn’t find her, nor anyone else. I walked around the residence area, shouting her name. I managed to find Eunice, and made our way to Shaz’s room via mobile instructions. Then, sticking my head out of Shaz’s room, I shouted “CARMAINE! CARMAINE!” I found a few people walking around down below (that is, Shaz’s room is on the 2nd floor, or 3rd floor if you’re American) and asked “HAVE YOU SEEN CARMAINE!?” Someone answered, “No I didn’t. But…” then went out of sight and earshot, and I started frantically shouting “BUT WHAT?!” I went back to our room in case she was there, nup. Walked around the area a little bit more just in case, and asked a lot more people. Nup. Finally, Carmaine called Eunice back in Shaz’s room, and I went to get her. Upon seeing her, I said, “Don’t be surprised if later people start telling you that I’m looking for you.” Later, at dinner, Nagi-, one of the people whom I shouted at, asked me, “So did you end up finding Carmaine?” Played pool with Carmaine after dinner, and somehow pulled a hammy on the table.

Had another speaker after that, talking about relationships. Her talk had ups and downs, I suppose it was a good relief from the incessant talk about schoolwork, but at the same time it wasn’t anything I didn’t already know about myself. The speaker was clearly a big fan of Sex In The City and Delta Goodrem. She showed us a a couple of love songs that might make different people feel different ways, two of which were Goodrem songs and one was “Feel” by Robbie Williams. We talked about Toxic and Nontoxic relationships, and reasons why people might stay in the latter. Nearly every suggestion that came up somehow rounded its way back to “for the sex” or “for the money”. Then, near the back I hear a voice say, “Emotional blackmail. As in if the partner says ‘I’ll kill myself if you leave me’.” Took a look-see, and of course, that was Dani (love you). There was a clip called “catfight” which was actually about 7 tiny adorable puppies chasing and bullying this cat, which was trying to run away and defend itself. Also there was a music clip for “I’m A Believer” the song, and true to our nature, we all sang along to the chorus. Oh, and almost forgot to mention. There was a poem which the speaker wanted us to listen to and write down 3 emotions we think the poem, a breakup poem, was about. I don’t remember much of the poem except it was a generic sappy heartbreak crap, but there were 2 lines that went something along the lines of “You blew it one too many times…I don’t want to get off the joyride that you give me” or something. About 3/4 of the theatre sniggered, I included. Carmaine elbowed me exasperatedly, because at time we were sitting very close to the teachers.

Had supper, then had some time left before Lights Out at 11. We all (that is, BRuCE, Shaz and Fel) went up to Shaz’s room and hung out a bit, and decided to play truth-or-truth. We got as far as something about Bee that I can’t remember but it was something I knew, Eunice’s past crushes, the fact that I’d rather do Michael Jackson than Mr G (Only because like HELL I’d EVER do Mr G), and that Carmaine would rather do Mrs Wil- than Ms Gar-, but only because she likes the former’s lipstick (ie, the “taste of her cherry chapstick”. One of my better calls for the night). EmPow, Franco and Hobo came in later, and we started playing Mafia. In the 4 rounds, I was a Mafia, Detective, Detective, then the narrator. Won as the Mafia, lost as Detective first time because we blamed the wrong people (haha Carmaine was my fellow detective but we ended up blaming the wrong person, who was a Civillian), lost as Detective second time because I was killed, and then as the narrator narrated a rather funny story (everyone laughed…but I was gruesome…so…) and in the end Fel managed to give away the game.

We were hitting about 15 minutes until lights out when we all went back to our rooms. Had a bit of a confused moment when Carmaine and I wanted to spend the night in Bee and Eunice’s cluster, but couldn’t lug the mattresses to their cluster without being suss, and then later on when Carmaine and I were trying to get Bee and Eunice over to my room because if we moved Carmaine’s mattress to my room we’d have space, it was already past 11 and Bee was too scared. So instead we slept in my room, I on the floor because I didn’t like how soft the bed was (nor did I like how soft the mattress and pillow were) and talked for about 2 and a half hours. At some point, we were lying horizontally across the bed, with our feet on the wall next to the bed, and we started stomping the wall. Then came a loud “thump thump” and we were like “OH CRAP SOMEONE’S IN THE ROOM NEXT TO US!” Turned out to be Mary, and we were concerned that she may have overheard our conversation, but she said “I WAS ASLEEP UNTIL YOU TWO STARTED STAMPING ON THE WALL!” We called Eunice and they were playing Snap and Spit in their room, so we just kept on talking. Covered many an interesting topic of conversation, and were pretty honest with each other which I was really really grateful for. Then at around 1:20 am, we called Dani’s mobile, and were greeted with a small unappreciating croak. We asked, “Aww, were you asleep?” And got a confirming croak in reply. “Oh, sorry honey. Go back to sleep. Goodnight, we love you.” “Errgghh…” “Aww you’re so cute!” “Urrhh…”

We pretty much decided to go to sleep after that, but I couldn’t fall asleep because of the foreign bed. Got up at around 3 to pee, and every muscle in my body ached (so damned out of shape) from tennis. Had a tough time trying to open the damn door, and Carmaine half-asleep asked “What are you doing?” “Go back to sleep, I’m trying to open this son of a bitch door.”

Phone alarm went off at 6:30 but continued sleeping until 7. Eunice came into the room with her Wong-Ar shirt, and then Bee joined us. In a general sleepy mess we changed, brushed, washed, toileted (and Carmaine used the hand dryer to blow dry her hair, what a champ) and packed. Had breakfast, and April and Dani sat with us. Bianca wasn’t too happy that I was talking so loudly in the morning (no one was…but Carmaine smiled and joked around with me anyway). Dani tried to kill me by feeding me a super large piece of fruit. After breakfast we went to the pool room and shot some balls (ha). We heard through the grapevine that on the previous night, on one of the upper floors, a few girls were in the room together when a teacher came around and so they either went back to their rooms, or, as a few did, hid in the cupboard. Except the teacher heard them hiding into the cupboard so they were ultimately busted hiding in the cupboard. Oh man, that’s pretty classic, in my opinion.

Listened to some Peer Support talks and tips, and some things about the Common Room which is OURS NOW. In the Peer Support thing, we had an activity in groups and were each given a scenario to cope with. My group had “You left your school notes on the train and is having a SAC in a few days” and was asked “What will you do to minize this happening in the future?” I wrote “Staple it to your forehead.”

We then went off into a few different things, where we could talk to ex-MacRob students about some of the specific courses we might be intersted in. Design was a funny one, because the girl more or less told us not to do it because it’s shit pay, loads of work, and no social life. Arts was vague but I actually think it’s pretty cool because there are so many choices in Arts. But Media. Oh Media. I am actually now excited about doing Media and Communication in Melb U. First of all, the contact hours are only about 12 hours a week (score) and secondly, even if I ultimately can’t get what I want to do, I think that marketing and PR isn’t bad, and I believe that I have the creativity skills to get me there. As long as I pull my arse in and really get out there and do work experience. Plus if I go to Melb U, I may be able to live with Dani. Carmaine is interestined in Pharmacy, and I think that would be so incredibly awesome if she does it because my parents would love her more. Haha! But there are other reasons too, and as she said her wanting Pharmacy would motivate her to do well in Chem this year. Eunice is interested in Med (what else? But I honestly think Eunice is one of the few people who would REALLY REALLY just SUPERACHIEVE in that field). I didn’t see much of Bianca after this conference but then again I already have a fair idea of what she’s passionate about.

Had lunch on the floor of the dining room due to lack of seats. Mai took pictures of us being hobos. Found out something awesome about April’s brother, and I am so happy for him because I know he must be so happy right now, and so carefree. And also there was a funny mo’, when as a joke I said, “Carmaine might be hiding something from us all this time” and April replied, “with those tights on, I don’t think so.”

Finally, did some evaluation of the overall camp, and then left Monash and went home. Walked home in the sun, therefore I got sunburnt AGAIN. School photos is tomorrow. Oh dear god help me. I checked out my face; on the side with the fringe, it’s fine-ish. On the side without the fringe…oh my FUNKY gosh. I look like a premature version of Two-Face.

Anyway, I’ve written a pretty damn long blog. I’m sorry to make you read all this.

Keep Cool (and your dreams alive)

D.F.

Like a marathon

I’m a pretty huge fan of talking and writing in metaphors and analogies and whatnot. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it. A lot of the times when friends come to me for help, I’ve tried to put their situation into an analogy so they can sort of see how to get out of it. I guess in a way I’m like a nicer and…slightly less intimidating version of S- Sensei.

What had happened was, and I hope it’s okay for me to share this story, Sensei would give us analogies of what was happening with our schoolwork. So once when I wrote an essay too long, and wrote a criteria out of range, he told me that by doing that I’ve basically received 2 black eyes. A double knockout. Because not only did I get marks taken off for going over the limit, I’ve also not filled in the criteria because they don’t mark what is out of range. Anyway, there was the one memorable one. A student was struggling a little in class, and went to Sensei to ask whether she should continue Japanese for Yr 12. His response (my closest recollection to her paraphrasing of what he said) was this:

“Imagine that we are all playing a game of basketball, but you are really fat. So even if you run around a lot, and you shout ‘pass me the ball!’ and you do this and you do that, you’re still fat, and you’re going to be very tired after the first quarter. Everyone else is skinny and healthy, so they can keep running but you’re fat so you’re going to die by halftime. This is you in Japanese. You are the fat basketball player.”

So, basically, I think he wasn’t so hot on her continuing Japanese. I thought he could’ve said, “Look I know you’re trying your best but the workload in Yr 12 is even harder so many this isn’t the best choice for you.” or something along those nice lines that teachers are made to say. Kudos to him though, for voicing it in a humorous way.

I think there was a time when a friend of mine was having relationship problems – or rather, problems with getting over it – and I said something like, “Ultimately, this is a bridge that you have to build alone, to get over. I mean, we your friends have given you the materials and the support and all that, but you’re gonna have to build the thing. It’s tempting to just stay on the side you are now, but I think to move on, you’d have to build that bridge.” I think she’s really on her way to doing it.

Okay, but the metaphor/analogy (I’d say metaphor) that made me smile today was this:

(I had to edit out bits that would make it personal)

“Think of your relationship as a marathon. You start off a little jerkily then you settle into a rhythm once you get into it. Sooner or later though you’ll hit a curve or an obstacle and you have to deal with it, If you don’t your [sic] stuck there not going anywhere. But once you get past it you’ve gained that much more and it means something, even if it’s small. Then you keep going. “

And the more I thought about that the more right she was (whoever the hell you are, you crazy thing). At the start of a friendship, you’re so energized, you feel you can sprint the whole way. Then you slow down, maybe tire out. It’s once you settle into that rhythm, and time gets its claws into you, that you can really test out your endurance. So many runners fall out, they give up. But if you last the distance, that feeling that you get when you cross the finish line, it’s like you’re “on top of the world” as I was told recently. And yeah, on the way you’ll meet potholes, snakes, hobos, whatever, but they’re mere distractions. They’re not world-ending.

I’m interested in making a VCE metaphor that includes piranhas and Tasmania Jones (OH NO I DIDN’T!)

Keep Cool (and runnin’)

D.F.

P.S. Yeah I actually just thought about signing off with “Keep Cool” and then something to do with the blog I just wrote. Let’s see how long I can last doing that.

New Year’s Resolution

Alright since it’s been mentioned thrice in just as many days, I think I should talk about it.

My resolution last year – or this year, whatever, 2008 – was, if I recall properly because I remember telling Carmaine and Eunice about it at Knox when we went to see P.S. I Love You, to be a better friend and open up channels of communication.

Personally, as in on a personal solitary level, I think I actually achieved both of them really well. I’ve had good talks with people, and I’ve found more about myself and so knew what I can offer as a friend.

I mean, I can think of one instance later in the year when communication wasn’t so great, not on a personal level but as in making sure outside communications are good. But. Again, it all worked out.

The strange thing is, I don’t know what this year’s resolution is going to be. I want to say “do so well in school that I weed out all unforced B’s and B+’s”, but I think that that’s a pretty bad resolution to have, seeing as it shouldn’t take a NYR to make me want to do well in Yr 12. I want to say, “finally kiss someone” but I’ve received such a response to the “flower” post that again, it’s not in my best interest to. But I honestly don’t see a resolution, unless I want to do the “get my weight back down to 45-46 kilos”. Or “give some sort of ending to the vampire story” or the usual love crap like “make sure I make every member of BRuCE laugh really hard at least once a day”. But 356×3 laughs are a large number of laughs.

Ahh, someone help me.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Maybe “quit smoking”? I need to take it up first.

Christmas Eve

I like hearing about other people’s Christmas plans, because it feels very homely, and I like imagining the moments. Sure, every scenario does get twisted in my head so that everyone’s wearing a sweater, in front of a fireplace, and toasting marshmallows, no matter what it is that they do – watching American TV does that to you – but it’s still a nice image.

Like one time when I called up Bee and her mom answered the phone, saying, “oh hi, Bianca’s just laughing really hard at a joke she just told.” And I said, “Oh, is the joke funny?” and she replied, “No, but she’s laughing really hard anyway.” And then in the background I can hear Bee laughing hysterically to herself, Greg telling her how weird she is, and it was a really nice – and slightly amusing – scene to listen to.

I think it would be really cool, in the not too distant future, to wake up one morning to a Christmas with a tree that the people I’m living with worked hard on, and then open the presents, and then spend a day together just goofing off.

And, I’m pretty sure I’ve already blogged something like this last Christmas. Actually I can recall 3 pretty bad Christmases in a row (I already counted this year’s in). Hopes for a good 2009.

Last Christmas and the Christmas before, my family had invited the bunch of “family friends” over for lunch. This year everyone was busy so I thought, finally a Christmas where I’m not being yelled at by my mom to clean up and tidy up and be a slave. But instead she decided to call over another family, and they have a small son who I’d have to entertain. I don’t see how this is really helping either of us, because the son is bored by me and I am bored by him, so wouldn’t it be a better Christmas for the both of us if he and his dad went to the city or someplace fun, and I get left alone at home? Apparently, that’s a really rude thing to want, because my parents want to “have fun” with the dad. I’m pretty sure my dad hates his dad. So just my mom then.

But count on it that I’ll blog tomorrow.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. On the offchance I don’t, because, well I can’t imagine what…Merry Christmas.

The Holidays

I can’t wait until the holidays are here. This term seemed to have passed rather quickly. Maybe because I didn’t have too many assessments, and, frankly, nothing bad happened.

Oh, no I retract that. Something bad did happen. It didn’t happen to me, but I am indirectly affected. It doesn’t mean that I’ll withdraw and sulk like I do most of the time. No, this fight I want to be going with all guns a-blazin’ and be instrumental in helping with solving it. I want to matter.

Lately I feel that I am simply one conversation away from either feeling completely safe and loved by someone, or lose everything that I am living for. I know it sounds over-dramatic and maybe I am blowing it up a bit but the truth is, at this very moment, I’m living for one person. I’ve recently just been scared by a rumor that I might lose this person in the near future. For quite a few hours afterwards I kept feeling an impending doom, and I just couldn’t think about it.

I know it’s selfish of me but I just want to keep that person with me forever.

It hasn’t sunk in yet that I am old now and I should take responsibility for myself. I still feel that I can cruise along with the help of those around me. That completely contradicts my want to be independent. I guess that’s the kind of situation that weeds out success from failures. I want to be a success. That’s why next year, I wll actually study hard. Not the empty kind of promises I tend to keep to myself. But I want to get those good marks. For bragging rights, and to be able to show myself that I can fight.

We shall see if I can do that for myself.

De Fluffe, Out.

“I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives, on holiday.” Greenday

If The World Ends…

We all know about the scientists in Geneva making the machine that could possibly create a black hole that could kill us all. I’m not into science so I can’t use big terms, but I know what it means if a black hole happens in Switzerland or, for that matter, anywhere near Earth.

And if the world had ended today, would I care? Would I have been sad that I didn’t get to say the things I wanted to? Would I have been regretful of the things I couldn’t have achieved? I don’t know. I was in a very indifferent mood today.

I just received an email from Bee. And it killed my indifferent mood. It killed just about everything I’d wanted to write tonight because all the problems that I felt today just seemed incredibly trivial and childish compared to what she wrote in her email. And despite the fact that she may protest, I have decided not to write what I wanted to. I don’t feel it anymore, anyway. There’s no point in posting if I don’t care anymore.

It’s still in the back of my mind, but it’s so far away. And Time is just so important right now.

I wanted to walk home but my mom wouldn’t let me. After a bit of talking however, she let me out of the car at the start of my street and I walked the 4 minutes to my house. A bit dumb I know but I really wanted that time alone. I walked past a house I never looked at, and noticed their beautiful red flowers – I don’t know the name but you don’t need to know a name to appreciate beauty – and I noticed that it had slipped into warmness. On Saturday it will be 23, so I have decided on that day I want to take a long walk. Not with my parents, so I’ll have to convince them somehow.

I was in a better mood when I arrived at my front door, even though the atmosphere at home was oppressive. It was the flowers that cheered me up. And when I saw them I thought of Bee and how she would’ve loved to have walked past them.

It was too beautiful today. It is not fair. I didn’t deserve to have walked past the beauty and had the nice thought. I feel guilty even for thinking ahead to Saturday and the long walk I will have in the warm sunshine – despite my hatred for heat, I’m still human enough to like some warm alone time – but I still want to take that walk. For her. For them.

I love you, Bee. I love you and I admire you so much. I don’t know what else to say around you, but you are, day by day, becoming that constant in my life. And I didn’t even notice it until now.

De Fluffe, Out.

P.S. Even though my blog stat count is rising, no one is commenting. Well, I don’t mind, really. I didn’t write anything of substance the last few days. I hope that Bee will read this.