Strange but intriguing conversation at lunch today with the lunch group.
While talking about the preferences on of the guys have for girls, the conversation turned onto what my friend Clem likes in girls. The initial questions were tame: shy or outgoing? Gamer or non? But then Danny had to make things weird, as he ALWAYS does, but asking “so would you mind if she had no legs or no arms?”
For the record, Mela prefers no legs, because she “I dunno, likes arms”.
Alex.
Last night was the MacRob Yr 12 Formal 2009.
I didn’t go.
What I’m going to write about is what happened BEFORE the formal, seeing as that’s all I attended.
Well, it was expected that no one would really be paying any attention in class, so Period 2 Methods didn’t even happen. There were many many Year 12s in the Common Room that period talking about the formal and hair and makeup and nail polish and strapless bras. I sat there and looked mortified. No one noticed. Phew.
Period 3 and 4 told me that I wasn’t actually on Common Room duty and therefore I played Tetris all through the first period (even beat my own personal score) and most of the second period. Jen and I went off with the bag we later referred to as “Carmaine’s Baby” and then “The Fat Baby” at the end of Period 4.
We were at the lights outside of school, swinging Carmaine’s Fat Baby when the mother appeared. A rowdy custody battle ensued, with the aftermath being that I had to lug the CFB around the CBD.
Bid adieu to the mother at Flinders, where she was off to make herself look like a woman and we were off to do our own stuff.
Went to Coles where Jen, having lost the custody battle with me, continued arguing with me over which bread was tastier, and which Coles cake was more thoughtful. I’d personally thought the cake with Smarties on it would naturally be more pensive. We decided on that one.
Trammed to Collins/Spencer St, where Bel now resides. No one was home so we snuck in when someone came out. Sat in foyer while Jen touched her hair a lot. An- arrived to take us up. Grabbed 2 Cruiser (sp?) four-packs. I had to carry them seeing as if Jen carries them it’s illegal.
Went up Williams to Radisson, where the rest of BRuCE was going to spend the night. Gave CFB to Eunice, and headed off to Jen’s abode.
Managed to squeeze in a dozen “are we there yet?” in the 20 minute tram ride.
Arrived at Jen’s, and the two of us started on the food. I made a fairy-bread sculpture, it possibly being the most feminine thing I’ve ever done. No one ended up eating it.
Jen cut up some carrots and cucumbers, and then proceeded to hide in the bathroom while she also began to make herself appear more womanly. Taylor Swift played on the radio. I sobbed.
SonJ arrived and in a flurry of “Hi how are you ohmygosh where’s Jen” she blew into the bathroom. I did not see her until 2 hours later.
Started to blow up balloons. Failed at tying them up. Jen’s dad had to teach me twice. Started on a Cruiser. After a few gulps I decided to hell with it and sacrificed considerable blood flow to my fingertips and made 13 balloons. I tasted Latex everytime I swallowed. No, shut up. That is NOT what she said.
People continued to arrive. Ray, for one. Then Luke. The two guys helped me put up streamers.
Sonam and Tiff and Annie and all the rest of them arrived, and Jen’s bedroom became a warzone of hairspray, straighteners and Hollywood tape.
Ray, Luke and I spelt out “Happy B’Day Bel” on the window.
Awful noises started to echo from the warzone. Cries of help and sounds of mascara-ing sent chills down my spine.
Played Heart and Soul on the piano until Jen told me to shut up…for the 10th time. I suppose I should’ve pointed out that I wasn’t talking.
At 5 Bel and Julia arrived. Note I didn’t say Julinda. We had to stall Bel for a bit, but it didn’t work. So when Bel pressed the doorBel, we all ran and hid behind couches. We thought, gosh we’re smart, she’ll never see this coming.
At the door, SonJ said, “Are you ready? 3. 2. 1.”
The element of surprise was thus counted down and disappeared.
Why did I use “Body Like An Hourglass”? Because Julia figure, to paraphrase Eve, “was like an hourglass”. Indeed everyone looked magnificent, and indeed Sonam and Tiff ended up looking similar, as they do all the other times.
Carmaine and Charlie continued to not being there.
The limo arrived. It was long. Well no shit. And Blue. Ah that one’s new. People started running around with a definite hint of headless chicken likeness. Well, I should specify the girls were doing that. The guys sat at the kitchen table in a more or less statue fashion.
I played “Somewhere Only We Know” on the guitar for a bit.
Then came the photos.
Oh the photos.
Oh the stress of said photos.
Everyone had a camera. Considering that “everyone” consisted of more than 2 people, and I have exactly 2 hands, I became a hanger for cameras as pictures were demanded.
20 minutes later pictures were actually taken. People had stayed in one spot long enough.
C+C finally became there, just in time for taller C to use the bathroom. People lined up and “THREE! TWO! ONE!” the flash went off, forever immortalizing the group of mature looking guys, and slightly hysterical looking but nonetheless BEAUTIFUL girls.
Everyone posed in front of the limo. More pictures were taken. I felt a bit pimpish having my photo taken with many different people. I felt a lot short next to the heeled Carmaine.
Took a ride with Carmaine’s parents home, saving me a cold public transportation journey. Arrived home in time to eat a quick dinner and watch ‘Til Death. Then watched The Big Bang Theory until bed time, which was around when the Formal was ending.
And so I end. I have decided to hell with fully structured sentences. They’re boring anyway.
Alex.
Today at lunchtime, Dani brought Andrew to school again. By again I mean he was there yesterday in the Common Room from recess to lunch (and apparently got mistaken for me a few times) and by “brought” I mean “snuck in”.
Also, Etah, Dani’s roomie’s hyperactive mutt, was brought along for a walk.
So, Andrew and Dani got sushi and ate behind the gym, hidden from view by the water tank. Etah was leashed to the garage door (which thankfully stayed closed and therefore down).
Anyway, towards the end of lunch when Andrew had finished eating, he let Etah off the leash. It was fun watching the dog run around with Andrew until Etah bolted for it, around the water tank and into the Lakeside courtyard.
Dani shouted, horrified, “Baby! (Andrew) Don’t let the dog into the SCHOOL!”
Andrew started running after Etah, but stopped short. He couldn’t reveal himself.
So Dani chased after the happy fugitive, with April in tow. I followed them, infinitely amused, and watched as the two of them chased hopelessly after the dog which bolted for freedom. Etah was ecstatically running circles around the couryard, and April and Dani were running after it, flapping their arms in futile attempts to fly and shouting “COME BACK DOG! COME BACK!” all the while to an audience of bewildered and also very amused MacRobbians. I laughed, of course. Then Etah started bolting towards me, so I quickly let it chase me back to Andrew, who leashed the very excited mutt.
That was most definitely the funniest part of the day. If only I had the chase scene on film.
Alex.
Ah, so where did I leave off?
Right, Eunice and I had just watched Nereids’ rehearsal.
So, we went to Maccas and came back to school to eat with NicJing, Kris-, Bald Bec (I’m not being mean; she’d shaved her head for charity) and some other people. We made jokes about Kris-‘s industrial sized tub of food. Well, it was a really large tub, the kind that would feed a family of 8 for a day, and she was eating it for dinner. It was amazing that she’d downed 3/4 of the thing already.
Finally, went up to the House Room (ie a heavily crepe-paper-and-ballooned-science-room) and sort of walked around a bit in there, watching the cast members put makeup on each other. I commented that you could tell the front half of the room was artsy cast people, as they were all off their heads shouting and makeup and hairspray etc etc, and the back half of the room were the orchestra people, dressed conservatively in black, quietly cradling a ‘cello or sucking on a Chupa Chup.
Then, Chorus was called for a last minute rehearsal. Chorus, for those who are not familiar with Greek plays, are a large bunch of people who stand off to the side of the main stage, and they sort of act/interact with the play. So, if something shocking happens, the Chorus would gasp. If there is a song, the Chorus might sing along.
Avs and Millie took the Chorus, a crowd of maybe 30-odd girls, out behind the gym. By this time, dusk had well settled in. Well, dusk was about to get a very loud show.
Suse had gone with me out of curiosity to see how Chorus would rehearse. Avs and Millie told the entire Chorus to back, back, back into the oval. They themselves took 15 paces back, until they were roughly 100 meters apart, across the grass from each other (my perception of distance is somewhat shite. Maybe it was 50 meters). Then, Avs said, “IF YOU DON’T SHOUT, I WON’T BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU! SO BE LOUD!” (as Chorus don’t have microphones, to be heard in the hall they’d have to be loud).
Then, they proceeded to rehearse and show me the funniest part of the night.
One of their lines were cued by Enrique’s “I CAN BE YOUR HERO BABY!” to which they all chorus “OOOH OOOH OOOH” as backups. So, Avs and Millie at one end of the oval, screamed their cue, and like 30-odd angels of hell, the Chorus hooted “OOOH OOOH OOOH!” into the appalled dusk (and much to my continued amusement). After the 1st time, where I fell down onto the ground in laughter, they did it again. A cyclist going home passed just as the 2nd round of hearty yet haunting “OOOH OOOH OOOH” pierced into the terrified atmosphere, and he – the cyclist – turned his head around in a sort of “WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK WAS THAT?!”
I watched them go through Bohemian Rhapsody, which the Chorus did well in, but of course Avs and Millie had to give them their cues. They didn’t know the lyrics, so they sort of did a combination of drums/electric guitar/dananana in a hectic harmony. I suppose words aren’t good enough to describe how insanely funny that was to witness.
Suse and I went back to the House Room, and then Nat provided me with the 2nd funniest moment of the night.
For some odd reason, Nat stood next to me and pointed off into the distance. She’d done that thing where you look off into the distance and get someone else to look at what you’re looking at (that is, nothing). So, Nat and I decided to prank a few more people, and flagged down whomever we recognised as they passed us. We pointed out the window, “SEE? Oh my god see that? It’s so awesome! Look! Can’t you see it?” Most of our victims tweaked after a while and walked away shaking their heads, but Fatty Tran (merely a nickname to censor her name; she is by no means fat) was so excited to see this “AWESOME THING! JUST PAST THAT FORK IN THE TREE!” that she even put on her glasses and consented to making binoculars out of her hands and turning her head to the side, which is the “best way you can see it!”
Right before our performance, we all went back behind the gym (furthest from the hall, so if we made noise it’s okay) and did a warm up. We, as a house, stood in a misshaped circle and shouted the “Hokey Pokey”, shaking all our limbs as well as our bodies, and generally making a very weird cult-like presence. All warmed up, we realized we were a bit late to go onstage, and hurried into the hall.
So, showtime. Got the laughs we wanted, and Fel did fantastically conducting us, especially in Bohemian Rhapsody (the time change just before “he’s just a poor boy”).
Afterwards, we said bye to Eunice and Fel, Bee and I went home, driven by Fel’s dad. Slept at 11 and could barely force my eyelids open this morning. I went to Dani’s place in the morning and while she was getting ready Andrew and I watched Dracula. It. Was. Cool. I want to see it all now.
And that, was most of yesterday and this morning.
Now, I will go watch Ghost Whisperer. Will Jim/Sam remember Melinda? Haha.
Alex.
the life and laughs of me 