Tracing letters along my back

Today Annie and I went to the uni library again to do research for our final essay. We thought it would be straightforward like it was for Asian PR, which we did a week prior.

It wasn’t.

We didn’t realize it when picking the topic, but the ambiguity of our research question drove us to near madness. We shuffled through the pages of our books hoping that something would jump out at us, or the jumble of quotes that we were slowly compiling would fall into some sort of essay structure.

Thank my stars Mela came just in time. She sat with me and calmed me down when I had my – and I never have these – attack of pure hopelessness. And it was a good thing she was there to do so, because otherwise I think I would have taken it out on Annie to the point where we would have had a massive fight.

While I was buried in my book and trying to make sense of the confusing language, Mela was watching a movie – tactfully turned away from me – and tracing abstract shapes and letters on my back. I don’t know if in her past this had worked, but I sure never told her that this was something my grandma used to do to lull me to sleep when I was very young. It calmed me down a lot and made me feel a bit better about my situation.

Sure, if I think about how much time I have left compared to the workload, I get scared again. But I’ve seen my ability to write even the most confusing and unresearched essay in a short period of time before. I’ve done the maths – I know that I just need to pass these essays to pass those classes, and even though that’s not the kind of mark that would make my parents happy, these are difficult and dry classes, and I doubt anyone would be having a good time in them.

I took a long hot shower when I got home. My skin reacted slightly to Mela’s sunscreen, so I let it soak a bit in the warm water. It feels better now, but it’s still a bit flaky.

I am going to go take some more notes before going to bed for a good solid sleep before doing as much as I can tomorrow.

And I love Mela, so very much. Not just because she came into the city today just to sit with Annie and me while we freaked out. Not just because she let me squeeze her hand whenever I felt overwhelmed. Not just because, even though she felt a bit ill, she still agreed to stay out a bit late. Mostly because she did these things willingly even when I didn’t realize the inconvenience it placed onto her, and never voiced my guilt when I did realize. Mostly because she looked into my eyes when I was going to just give up on the essay, and told me that I’ll be fine.

Alex.

Tap On My Window, Knock On My Door

[She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5]

Day 4 – your siblings (or closest relative)

Well, as bad as I feel about this because both Julia and Lisa are great cousins, but I haven’t seen any of them for a small part of a decade. So, I suppose this goes to…

Dear Fa,

I think I might skip all the “you’re an idiot who wears shorts that are too short” jokes and actually get to the nice gooey bits.

I am grateful for you, firstly. Not only did you give me motivation to try harder last year with the 2 subjects that I shared with you, if anything, just to beat you – I still failed miserably but still – but you didn’t fail to be on my side consistently for every problem that I went to you for, even after all the jokes I made of you.

And I’m glad that you come to me for support and a whinge because it made me feel useful – even though I really shouldn’t agree to keep booking you into hotels…that’s just irresponsible.

Finally, I know this sounds cheesy, but I can foresee a great future for you. I don’t know what you’ll do, exactly, but I know you, and you’re going to work your ass off and beat the crap out of your competition no matter what, so I have no worries that you won’t be able to “make the cut”. I just hope we don’t end up saying this in the context of…street corner work.

Please keep me young and sane. I’m starting to turn into a traditionalist old fart.

Love,

Your BIG cousin who was BIGGER until around 6 years old you fat-ass.

Thank You

Today I got quite a few text messages as as well as a well timed call (well timed as in I was asleep. Yes sarcasm. But I’m still happy) when I didn’t show up.

I felt very much loved. April said that everyone was worried about me because there were a “few more potential cases” and they’d thought I was one of them. I’m not. No fever means I’m in the clear. Carmaine called wondering where I was, and Jen told me to “go to the doctor deary” which I neglected to do. Dani so tactfully said “OMG ARE YOU DYING?” To which I replied “Lol no. Thanks?” Unfortunately the timing of my reply coincided with her subsequent “I just heard you’re sick. Are you feeling okay?” So, to clarify, Dani sweetheart I’m fine.

I thought that I should express my gratitude at the amount of concern people had (or maybe I’m blowing it up. But I’ll go ahead and assume people worried).

But, seriously, all concerns should go to Dom. He’s the one tanking it out at home with the Tami Flu.

Alex.