The Holidays

I can’t wait until the holidays are here. This term seemed to have passed rather quickly. Maybe because I didn’t have too many assessments, and, frankly, nothing bad happened.

Oh, no I retract that. Something bad did happen. It didn’t happen to me, but I am indirectly affected. It doesn’t mean that I’ll withdraw and sulk like I do most of the time. No, this fight I want to be going with all guns a-blazin’ and be instrumental in helping with solving it. I want to matter.

Lately I feel that I am simply one conversation away from either feeling completely safe and loved by someone, or lose everything that I am living for. I know it sounds over-dramatic and maybe I am blowing it up a bit but the truth is, at this very moment, I’m living for one person. I’ve recently just been scared by a rumor that I might lose this person in the near future. For quite a few hours afterwards I kept feeling an impending doom, and I just couldn’t think about it.

I know it’s selfish of me but I just want to keep that person with me forever.

It hasn’t sunk in yet that I am old now and I should take responsibility for myself. I still feel that I can cruise along with the help of those around me. That completely contradicts my want to be independent. I guess that’s the kind of situation that weeds out success from failures. I want to be a success. That’s why next year, I wll actually study hard. Not the empty kind of promises I tend to keep to myself. But I want to get those good marks. For bragging rights, and to be able to show myself that I can fight.

We shall see if I can do that for myself.

De Fluffe, Out.

“I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives, on holiday.” Greenday