I could die lying in her arms

[Little Joanna – McFly]

Day 02: How you introduce yourself to new people.

While I like to say that I try to move as much fakeness as possible, I think, if anything, I put on an extra show of not putting on fakeness.

For most of the people who met me in person, I think it’s safe to say that they all thought I was outgoing if not slightly loud, and that I have an easy-to-like personality. Oh look at me piling modesty upon my good looks. And I think, at the core of things, that’s the kind of person I am – I like making other people feel comfortable but not bored, and make them smile.

But that’s also me putting on a show of being easy-to-like. I am making a conscious effort to be pleasant and make jokes and smile more. There are times when I either am not in the mood, or simply don’t feel the necessity to make nice – most of the time when I do this I’m with someone else, or it’s one of those momentary meetings that doesn’t require me to ever see them again. So I don’t actually talk or even make much eye contact. I have a friend who noted that there are times when I seem to have a “fuck off” sign plastered all over my face.

It’s not a matter of if I think you’re worth the effort, it’s really just what I interpreted social protocol to be.

Alex.

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Kept Playing Love Like It Was Just A Game

[This Love – Maroon 5]

Aw, just then when I turned on iTunes to get a song for the title, I had my volume turned all the way down to mute. iTunes gave me a warning that it was turned down, and if I want sound I should slide it back up. iTunes takes care of me.

Anyway, so today I was in my Intercultural Communications lecture and I got a text in the middle of the lecture, having forgotten to turn my phone on silent. I saw the following message from a number I don’t have listed:

I love you. I know I don’t say it often enough or make nearly as much effort as you deserve, but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and missing you… ❤

Apart from the embarrassment of having my phone go off, needless to say I had a shock, and wondered who it was. So, tentatively, I replied to ask for the identity of the sender.

Then I got this:

Omg lol I’m an idiot…it’s me, Cathy. I lost my phone last week, assumed you would’ve seen on FB. Wow I feel stupid now…

HUGE burden off my chest. I was getting worried as to who loved me and missed me and thought about me without me knowing who it was.

The ironic thing is, she always used to call me a disgustingly sweet nickname, or used to refer to herself as Bobobear (haha yeah, it’s just one of those names) but the ONE TIME that it would have been useful for her to do so, she didn’t.

Anyway, just a funny moment today.

Miss you, Bobobear.

Love, Alex.

Gone

So, I got my computer back on Sunday.

Remember how I’d said I may have lost some files, but hopefully they’ve been backed up?

Apparently not. I’ve lost every single one of my files, yet my parents have kept all of their’s. The injustice is that they barely look at their’s, and my files…my files made up a large part of who I am, and what I’ve done to reach this.

I’ve lost all the stories and work I’ve done over the years. (Including Guardian Angel, which I wonder who still has copies of) I’ve lost all my drawings and photos, including a huge Smallville picture database (which means I have to go stalk Tom Welling and Kristen Kreuk on Google Images again), everything that I’ve collected from Carmaine as well as most of the really hard to retrieve pictures from 2006 and 2007.

But.

Most of all.

I’ve lost all my music.

Actually, my music is probably the one thing that I can get back most easily. But that’s not actually my point.

Well, so I suppose the next few  months would consist of me slowly building up my files again. We should be getting a new computer, a new…BETTER computer so I can start again there. I’ll try to find everything again, maybe I still have some of my best short stories on my USB. I’ll stretch my resources thin tryng to get back photos. I’ll have to start recollecting all of my lyrics as well as my guitar tabs and so forth (God that’ll be painful. But at least it means I get an opportunity to start a proper categorized folder for it).

I suppose I can catch everyone up on how my progress in recollecting my past 6 years is. And it’s a good thing I’d posted those 2 chapters up (I hadn’t really written any more than that).

So, whinge over, time to get on with it.

Other than that, things are going well in life. Well, as in, I suppose there are things I want to say, problems I want to have solved, but my saying them wouldn’t necessarily solve the problems, and solving the problems won’t necessarily stop my urge from saying those things, still. I am happy, mostly, so that’s what’s important.

Alex.