Mentally Retarded, Steroids, Arsonists…It’s A Good Family

Yesterday was Dani’s 18th birthday! I remember last year I think I told people to go to her blog to wish her a happy birthday. DO IT AGAIN! Even though you’re a day late.

So last night Andrew and Za- had planned a surprise celebration of sorts for Dani. They’d gone to the Wonderland Ice Skating rink.

Carmaine and I took the train to the city together, because we weren’t going to go ice-skating. Got to the Wonderland place (which is on HarbourTown)  at past seven, and watched April, Si, Za-, Andrew, Dani and Kud ice skate for a while. It was getting cold already! I wasn’t wearing enough (that is, I was wearing a shirt and shorts. It was pretty windy, alright?)

They finished ice skating at around half past seven, because D.P. was texting saying she was freezing her ass off outside the Medici the restaurant we were going to eat at. We walked down to the restaurant (Si said it was in one direction and everyone else walked in another. I said we should follow Si because “Simon says”), and felt really awesome walking in when everyone else waited for a table, because Za- and Andrew had already made a reservation.

Za- made a fail move when she sat down on the small individual tables instead of the large table for 11 people…I laughed.

Sat down, and ordered a few drinks and the food. At some point Dysh- and her boyfriend came along, and then Talinoob also came along. (Mel had left by this point, I forgot to mention.) Dani and I, for old times’ sake, did another sugar-shot. To Englang, we toasted, and downed that packet of coffee sugar.

So we started doing the whole joking around thing that Andrew loves so much. Last year for Dani’s birthday the theme and butt of all jokes were how small Carmaine’s eyes were. This year it was how mentally retarded I look/act, how Dani’s pretty much a crazed arsonist, and how Carmaine is probably on steroids, to explain why she’s so freaking tall when the rest of the “family” isn’t.

The “family”, by the way, is a Facebook joke where Andrew and Dani are the parents of Eunice, Bianca, Carmaine and myself. Eunice and Bianca had since took themselves off the family list (or never joined it) so just Carmaine and myself. D.P. is our Auntie. I am the effing son/brother. Since I’m the only one who bears some resemblance to Andrew (another long running joke) we figured that Carmaine had to be adopted. Still, Andrew realized the reason Carmaine doesn’t seem to fit into the family is because she’s on steroids. When Andrew first said, “Holy crap my family is fucked up. I got an arsonist for a wife, a mentally retarded son and a daughter who’s on steroids.” Carmaine laughed, and then asked, “Wait, who’s the one on steroids?”

Guess the steroids got to her brain?

I ordered a Midori drink thing, which Za- said she’d shout me. D.P. ended up taking it, so I ordered myself a Japanese Slipper which is Midori, cointreau and lemon juice. When that came, Carmaine took a sip and made a face because it was quite strong. I liked it. I made April promise to make me one some day because she knows how. She ordered a Sex On The Beach (I told her to text Vania about it).

Then Za-drank about half of it, all the time saying, “Oh man I get sick at the sight of liquer!” Weird girl.

So because Za- took my drink, she decided to shout me a Baileys (which Julia knows is my favorite).

We had heaps of sexual connotative jokes – look if we freaking ordered a Sex On The Beach and D.P. started getting a bit tipsy you know sexual jokes are gonna show up. In this case…actually I think, in the interest of not publicly shaming Carmaine, I won’t repeat what that 2 handed joke was.

Then Andrew started trying to finish all the food people didn’t finish, like the ravioli, risotto and the pasta Carmaine didn’t want (she ended up eating some of my gnocchi). He got really full and started acting really stoned, and then he had some of Dani’s Sex On The Beach (everyone had some Sex On The Beach with Dani, apparently. It was a good birthday for her) and went really red in the face.

We then started playing Chinese whispers. D.P. thought it would be oh-so-funny to start something along the lines of “Peter Pepper Poked A…” etc which I, as the 3rd last person, got as “Peter Poked Her Peter Poked Her”.

Left at around nine thirty, and took Talinoob and D.P. through Docklands to get them back to Flinders (I was worried because they were walking in slight zigzags and hooting like hyenas) but in the end we (Carmaine and myself) ditched them at a tram stop and walked to Southern Cross. Southern Cross didn’t run Glen Waverley so we took a train back to Flinders and then took a Glen Waverley. Gave Carmaine a ride home, and then contemplated blogging this before bed on the iTouch. Thought hell no, and fell asleep until about 8:30 or so this morning when I got woken up by my parents yelling at each other.

So, happy birthday Dani my darling dearest doodoo! Haha I said doodoo.

I love you!

Alex

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