Jack’s Gay Joke Tally

Last week at Jack’s I was sitting in the front row right behind his mountain of tissue boxes (so closest to the door), and on the table I scribbled “Jack’s Gay Joke Tally” and marked 1 for the gay joke he made starting that day, Sunday the 22nd of February. I was hoping that when I returned today I would be able to see maybe 20? Maybe 30? Marked on there. But unfortunately it was wiped off (probably Jack, said Annie).

Remember Jason from that time about 2 weeks ago? The one to whom Jack asked “Did you enjoy the oral I just gave?”. Today, Jack was encouraging us, in the effort of saving time, to do rough sketches. Rough is good. “Do you like it rough, Jason?”

I feel so incredibly sorry for Jason.

And finally, there was a boy sitting in the 2nd row, at the other end of the class, who looks like he belongs in DBSK (you may take it as me saying he’s hot, but really I’m just saying he looks like a girl). Annie started off by saying he’s cute (to which I countered with the DBSK quip) and finished the day by pondering “Is he JenT’s brother?”. Well if he was, that was suitably awkward.

There, this entry was longer, wasn’t it, Chez?


“Prostitutes…I call them street babes”

Today I went to Jack’s tutoring in Springvale, for Methods. His thing is ran from his garage (it’s air conditioned with blinds and floor tiles and tables and shiz).

He’s a funny guy, Jack. He started off his class by telling us not to look at our girlfriends/boyfriends, or talk to them. We can sit in their laps but we can’t talk to them. As long as we do our work. He explains that he doesn’t talk very fast, unlike what people think gay people do. He pointed at his tie, which was pink. “Pink’s gay, right?” And when we got to a question g, he said “I like g. G is for gay.” Unfortunately five minutes later he had to explain that he wasn’t gay, he just liked making jokes about gay people. Most of the class went “ohh” because we thought he was serious.

He started telling us about how on St Kilda beach, if you drive into the smaller streets, there’re prostitutes everywhere. He taught us to keep driving straight and not honk them because then they’d just hook onto you. Same deal with Kings Cross in Sydney. He said for you to just keep walking straight ahead. He had to, since he was there with his parents.

At some point, he was trying to help us identify if a point is a cut, a turning point or a point of inflection. He said “I’m going to use my finger now. Can you see my finger? Everyone, follow my finger. I use all the different parts of my body when I teach maths. When I point, it’s finger-technique. When I write, it’s hand-technique. When I speak, it’s oral-technique.” Then he raised two fingers, like you would when you mimick a gun except no thumb (to put crudely, like you would when you’re fingering a certain somewhere) and said, “These are very important tools.”

He told us about how he used to have an ex-girlfriend but she broke up with him. So he has a photo of her and that’s all he needs to be happy. The other day him and his mates went to have a beer and their mates were with their wives and he was with his photo. His mates called him weird. His wife also calls him weird. I was just about to say out loud “Because you worship a photo of your ex-girlfriend?”

He told us to work hard in Year 12. He asked us, “Why should you work hard in Year 12?” and then promptly answered himself, “So you don’t end up living in Springvale.” “If you work hard in Year 12, you can have all the babes you want in university.” Wise words from a wise – and odd – man.

Keep Cool (and out of Springvale – not a stab at people living there but hey, what are we all working towards?)