Kept Playing Love Like It Was Just A Game

[This Love – Maroon 5]

Aw, just then when I turned on iTunes to get a song for the title, I had my volume turned all the way down to mute. iTunes gave me a warning that it was turned down, and if I want sound I should slide it back up. iTunes takes care of me.

Anyway, so today I was in my Intercultural Communications lecture and I got a text in the middle of the lecture, having forgotten to turn my phone on silent. I saw the following message from a number I don’t have listed:

I love you. I know I don’t say it often enough or make nearly as much effort as you deserve, but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and missing you… ❤

Apart from the embarrassment of having my phone go off, needless to say I had a shock, and wondered who it was. So, tentatively, I replied to ask for the identity of the sender.

Then I got this:

Omg lol I’m an idiot…it’s me, Cathy. I lost my phone last week, assumed you would’ve seen on FB. Wow I feel stupid now…

HUGE burden off my chest. I was getting worried as to who loved me and missed me and thought about me without me knowing who it was.

The ironic thing is, she always used to call me a disgustingly sweet nickname, or used to refer to herself as Bobobear (haha yeah, it’s just one of those names) but the ONE TIME that it would have been useful for her to do so, she didn’t.

Anyway, just a funny moment today.

Miss you, Bobobear.

Love, Alex.

I’m Picking Me Apart Again

[Breaking The Habit – Linkin Park]

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Dear You-Should-Probably-Have-An-Idea-Who-You-Are,

I know what you’re wondering; you very specifically told me that you weren’t interested, and would never be interested, so why did I still hold onto hope just to have my heart broken? It’s not like you led me on at any point.

While I do mean “heartbreak” in in traditional sense, I mostly mean you broke my heart in a friendship sense as well. You said that I was too eager and clingy, well that’s not my fault, that is how I am. And it took me so long to realize, and then even longer to accept the fact that if you can’t stand being around me because of how I am, then I can’t be around you.

And since I accepted it, and since I stopped talking to you, my random attacks of sadness diminished, and I hardly get depressive moods anymore. Bianca always taught me to do whatever in life that makes me happy, and even if it’s painful, if being happy means not being in someone’s life, then that has to be it. Catherine was the first to be brave and honest enough to tell me that this was the only way. I didn’t want to accept it at the time but when I did, I realized how dumb I was to reject her suggestion.

A few people who I discussed this with told me to give it another shot, give you a chance, rebuild that bridge between us, work it out. But I think now we’re both happier. You don’t have to worry about me, and I don’t have to worry about me worrying about you. Like you said once, now we’re just “acquaintances who know each other very well”.

I don’t hate you. You were a huge chapter in my life, and the lessons I learned from you will continue to aid me through life. But the full stop has been inked onto the last sentence of that chapter, and I have turned the page. I loved you, and I love you still for the memories we shared.

Alex.

Fussin’ And Fightin’

[Ice Box – There For Tomorrow, original by Omarion]

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Dear Cathy,

It was a toss-up between Dani and you for the previous letter. I’m kind of feeling guilty that you got this one, but just pretend that it’s the previous one as well.

You read most of what I feel in the plane letter I gave you – you remember, the one that made you cry – and since they were pretty private, I won’t say it here again. But I think you’re actually better off in QLD, seeing as what is happening currently in your life. Imagine having to go through that with THEM still in the same State as you! At least now you’re one step closer to getting out forever, am I right?

I still miss you like a cat on heat (wtf) but I know that ultimately we’ll still be friends, but you need to get out seriously.

I love you, Bobiboop.

Alex.

My Pressure On Your Hips

[This Love – Maroon 5]

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear Eunice,

Well, let’s be honest, we really haven’t been talking much at all. I know it’s weird of me to say it, because I saw you today, but yeah we honestly have not seen each other for about a good half year. From your Twitter updates, I know that you’re doing fine, and whatnot, but yeah, it’s strange not to hear it from you in person.

I don’t know…I don’t want to say anything more because yours aren’t toes I want to step on. It definitely jerked a few heartstrings seeing your face and hearing your voice again today.

I miss and love you, despite the fact that we rarely speak anymore.

Alex.

Tap On My Window, Knock On My Door

[She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5]

Day 4 – your siblings (or closest relative)

Well, as bad as I feel about this because both Julia and Lisa are great cousins, but I haven’t seen any of them for a small part of a decade. So, I suppose this goes to…

Dear Fa,

I think I might skip all the “you’re an idiot who wears shorts that are too short” jokes and actually get to the nice gooey bits.

I am grateful for you, firstly. Not only did you give me motivation to try harder last year with the 2 subjects that I shared with you, if anything, just to beat you – I still failed miserably but still – but you didn’t fail to be on my side consistently for every problem that I went to you for, even after all the jokes I made of you.

And I’m glad that you come to me for support and a whinge because it made me feel useful – even though I really shouldn’t agree to keep booking you into hotels…that’s just irresponsible.

Finally, I know this sounds cheesy, but I can foresee a great future for you. I don’t know what you’ll do, exactly, but I know you, and you’re going to work your ass off and beat the crap out of your competition no matter what, so I have no worries that you won’t be able to “make the cut”. I just hope we don’t end up saying this in the context of…street corner work.

Please keep me young and sane. I’m starting to turn into a traditionalist old fart.

Love,

Your BIG cousin who was BIGGER until around 6 years old you fat-ass.

Keep Telling Yourself That “I’m A Diva”

[There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought Of It Yet – Panic! At The Disco]

Day 2 – Your crush

Dear XXXXX (Oh haha you thought I would write it out),

Actually, to be honest, I don’t think you’re really my crush anymore, though that’s not to say if you had a change of heart, I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance. Call me shallow, but I do think you’re way too good looking for me to say ‘no’ to you.

The fun part is, I’m now your friend. I mean, I liked you since I met you, but when that didn’t work out I found myself entering friend-dom. Some other people might say “Well now you’re screwed; once you’re a friend you’re not going anywhere” (the whole Ladder Rule right?) but I still like to keep some faith that I can get off the Friend ladder – not in this instance, perhaps, but for future laddering activities.

I like being your friend, to be honest. I have yet to see the negatives in you that I’ve been told about, but that’s probably because I haven’t known you for that long. Either way, whether I do see those negatives or not, I don’t mind being your friend and not anything more. I suppose, that in itself is indicative that you’re not really my crush anymore. But if I didn’t write about/to you, I wouldn’t have anything to fill today with. So.

Anyway, there you go. I have on purposely not included any hints at who you might be, just because I figured it might make things awkward if you figure out I’m talking about you.

Alex.

Love Her When She Smiles

[Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) – Nine Days]

Day 1 – Your Best Friend

Dear Jackie,

I think the fact that I am writing this to you is indicative of a lot of things I want to say. A lot of people are surprised that we only really got to know each other better at the start of this year, because it seems like we’ve been close for a long time. That makes me happy when I hear it, because it means we’re getting along splendidly and so easily and fast.

I know that I always call you a loser, and saying you’re lazy and that you never eat enough, and even though they’re all true, I don’t really care about any of it, because I love you!

I hope that I can protect you and make you stay happy! I know you do the same for me already, and I don’t want to feel like I’m just taking and taking from you.

Please don’t take it as a bad thing that this ‘letter’ to you is so short, nor is it a bad thing that we’ve not been friends for long; but I am hopeful to say that our friendship will keep sailing, and I can write a much longer letter in a year, two years, three years etc….

Love,

Alex.

Stuff Summer, Stick With Savior

These are the 2 pieces of poetry that I plan to submit for my Creative Writing assignment.

I can’t actually stuff the Stuff Summer one, because I need to have 2. I’m hoping that 14 lines of a dodgy Shakespearean sonnet (that is, a sonnet with the rhyming scheme of abab cdcd efef gg, as opposed to a Petrarchan sonnet, which has the rhyming scheme of ababcdcd cdecde…but you don’t really care, and neither do I) and a strange free-verse poem will be enough.

So here is the free-verse:

Stuff Summer

Summers are not family friendly.

Family friendly is when children

Can run around, laugh, eat dirt,

Whatever, without having to slip, slop, slap,

Wear sunglasses,

Wide-brimmed hats, Shirts,

Zinc, a bloody suit of armour.

Summers are not family friendly.

Because you expect clean and comfortable days,

But instead you get sleazy ones that

Make you uncomfortable in your own skin.

They come up to you, gives you a drink,

And the drink tastes kinky, and you want to

Kill the come-on.

Or, go with it, and then tell your friends about

The half-forgotten stuff that happened

after.

Summers are not family friendly.

Go to the beach – no seriously, go;

You’ll never want to go back again.

Disgusting, engorged bodies, dripping in grease.

(You’ll never eat at KFC again, either).

And you’ll have to slip,

slop,

slap,

Sleaze. And I’m not talking about the heat

I’m talking about those ON heat.

Everywhere is out of bounds, even the underfoot burns.

And God Forbid if you leave garbage behind;

Because the beach – and summer – isn’t dirty enough already.

And here is the sonnet:

Savior

The day I met you I’d erred and made you cry,

You forgave me, yes, but still I pulse in debt.

Overdrew not only tears, but I

Will not look back and feel a ray of regret.

Your inner light broke down my cellar heart

Speared through me, and pulled me into the depth,

I felt the quiet inside of me depart

And in this glow, gratefully, I wept.

I saw the world through glasses tinted rose,

But then the thought drove daggers into me:

Despite the girly whims and pretty bows,

The infatuation ends at this degree.

The reality that I’d almost forgot;

I’m not in love with you, I swear I’m not.

I hope you enjoyed reading it, because if you don’t, chances are my profession won’t, either.

Alex.

Another Ghost That’s Been In Your Bed

[Bubble Wrap – McFly]

Today I said goodbye to one of my best friends Cathy. She went to QLD. She’ll be back in 7 weeks for a bit but that’s not the point!

Woke up at 6:30 (I swear, I fucking swear the birds were still sleeping) and quickly had breakfast. Took a 7:40 something train up to Southern Cross, and bought a Skybus ticket. Took the bus to the airport feeling severely under-luggaged – everyone else was carrying at least one respectably sized suitcase, and I was carrying an obviously empty Country Road bag.

Caught up with Cathy and chatted for a bit, and had a good hug (I was suppressing tears, for her sake, I swear). Then took the bus back. On the way back I overheard a couple asking the lady next to me if she knew how to get to Lt Bourke St. Since I was going to Melb Central to meet with Jenny after, I offered to walk them there. Had a chat about the weather differences between Melbourne and Toronto, about why they’re here in Melbourne when there’s a Winter Olympics going on over there, and all that stuff. I was glad I decided to be the nice local for them to start a good holiday here.

Met up with Jenny, and got tickets to Daybreakers which I knew proved to be interesting as 1) it’s about vampires and 2) Jenny hates thrillers. Had lunch at Nando’s (where I discovered she couldn’t handle chilli at all) where Jenny had her first experience of Peri Peri chips. Then we went to Southbank, where I discovered that Jenny hates bridges and heights and deep water (which is pretty much how to cross Southbank). Then we went back to Melb Central, and met up with Catherine (major yay, DESPITE her WAGGING). After that, we sat in the arcade for a bit, then went to see the movie.

To her credit, Jenny wasn’t as bad as April in Disturbia. April in Disturbia was embarrassing. Jenny managed to not be embarrassing. Then again, to her, most of the movie was her hand covering her eyes.

Daybreakers was pretty interesting. I mean, story wise, it wasn’t anything deep and meaningful, pretty basic stuff. But their spin on vampirism, and how vampires deal to survive, and the brutality of beasts, were very refreshing. Also, there was a lot of gore. The movie relied heavily on loud sounds and sudden moves, as well as a LOT of blood flying everywhere to get the bone chilling factor, but oh well, what else can they do? At least these vampires fucking sizzled and burned in the sun, unlike another unmentionable.

In all, a pretty good day. I got a text when we were at Southbank from Cathy saying that my plane letter made her cry for an hour. Ah win! She made the point that we might see each other more when she comes down to visit than we did in 09. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone? True.

I miss you, “Bi Bo Boop”.

Alex.

The Savior Of The Broken

[Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance]

This post was written by Alex but posted by her lovely “master”, Jenny.

Yesterday was Jenny’s 18th birthday, and she had a BBQ at Jells Park. At least, she thought that was all there was.

I got up really early and went with my parents to Springvale so they would be able to drop me off at Glen on time. Had some weird but enlightening conversation with my mom regarding problems in her side of the family.

Got to the Glen at past 9:30 (after Jenny had called me almost 3 times demanding to know where I was) and met up with her at Safeway. We went around shopping, and then drove up to Jells.

It was warm but windy, and still getting better from feeling slightly coughy, I wasd worried. But then people started arriving, and I forgot about it. We started blowing up balloons (“ballons”, as Jenny’s shopping list read) and strung them up like a free-flying kite. It actually looked pretty nice. Met Alex C (I’ll call him AC in this post) and Hele-.

So when more guys came we started cooking. Steph played her awful K-Pop music.

Steph really wanted to go to the playground. She actually whinged about it. So we (Sam, Hele-, Steph, Ven- I think and myself) went to the swings. Then we went back, and by the time we’d gotten back most of the good meat were eaten.

We all sat down and had lunch. Hele- drowned my food in tomato sauce, making my lunch look like road kill. So I tried to kill hers in BBQ sauce. I remarked that my lunch looked like it was bleeding; she retorted that her lunch looked like it was taking a dump.

After lunch, and after taking about 2 hours to buy some drinks and change pants, Lois and AC arrived with a whole box of Cruisers. Thus the drinking started.

Jenny had maybe a total of 3/4 of a bottle before she felt ill. So ill that…well you can imagine. We figured, since she’d downed vodka shots before, maybe it was something in the Cruiser that didn’t agree with her. The best moment in what was a pretty awful moment was Nashi running up to Jenny with a bag and, standing like he was about to haul ass and run, thrusted the bag at her.

Pom was left to carry the (leaking) bad dripping with the stuffs to the bathroom. That was sorta funny too.

Anyway, sat with Jenny while she was trying to feel better, and watched Pom fail at frisbee with the boys.

After Jenny felt good enough to stop staring at a wall, we joined the others playing Blackjack: loser has to do a dare nominated. I sided with Jenny seeing as I forgot mostly how to play Blackjack, and so when we busted to 25, as the birthday girl, Jenny had to do the dare.

I think I won’t re-mention what she had to do. Because not mentioning it makes the dare sound even more…dare I say…Juizy?

Then came cake cutting time! Pom stayed up late and made the most beautiful pink cake. Then after that people had to start leaving. Some for the day…some…for what we made Jenny think was the day.

When everyone had more or less left, I was left with Jenny, waiting for her dad to arrive to “drop me off at the Glen”. Well, what was REALLY happening was that Lois had organized a surprise dinner for Jenny at the Sichuan Hotpot!

Apparently, though, the special girl knew about it (or rather knew there was something going on) because when I’d called her parents the previous night (and explained the situation in my crappy Chinese) she’d sussed already. Still. She looked reasonably pleased.

We ordered way too much food (and Pom spilled AC’s Smirnoff Ice that we snuck in) and so we sat there for over 2 hours eating our way through nearly 15 plates of food. Near the end, we smelled burning in the hotpot, and told the waitress whom we’d already pissed off (and who Kevin tried to boil) that we burned the hotpot.

3 minutes later, Andrew started scooping in the murky water, and lo and behold scooped out a metal ladle that had been sitting in there for maybe 20 good minutes. Burning? Try boiled metal.

I hope we didn’t get food/metal poisoning.

I got home ready to burst and collapse at the same time. But I was happy that (despite minor setbacks and regurgitations) Jenny seemed to have enjoyed herself very much.

Happy Birthday Love!

Alex.