You make me feel like a symphony

[Hummingbird Heartbeat – Katy Perry]

I’m in one of those…okay I really should stop my musing posts like that. “I’m in one of those…”

Right now, I don’t know how I feel. I mean I knowย how I feel, obviously, but I’m not sure if I should feel such ways, or even think it, or if I should think that I shouldn’t think it.

And people are keeping secrets from me. I know whyย at least, but I don’t know what, and I’m dead curious.

I should look at this as my friends’ way of teaching me patience, a virtue I never had to lack in the first place.

I was sleep-deprived today, and took a double-shot on an empty stomach, and so spend the rest of the day on the fine line you tread when the caffeine inside you is drawing out of an already overdrawn bank. I suppose it was a good thing that I tread this line with some of my lunch group, who know me/tolerate me enough to let it slide and humor me. Otherwise that line would very soon turn angry. I would be walking the angry line. You don’t want to see me walking the angry line.

Yung Han, who may or may not mind my nicknaming him Monkey-Boy for his amazing climbing skills (and, you’ll soon learn, other fun reasons), decided today was the day he climbed a tree. Annie noticed a bunch of bananas hanging off the branch of a very un-banana tree, and Yung Han, being the smart-minded Asian that he is, decided those bananas would be wasted, and are expensive, and so he climbed the tree from which they hung, and brought it down with him – not before spending a good 20 seconds looking a bit like a stranded cat.

The bananas were the short, fat kind, dark green, smelled like fresh cucumbers, and had seeds in them.

He carried his bananas proudly to his next class.

I skipped my first tute today of the semester.

Like I said, I’m in a mood where I don’t know what my mood is, so I felt like not knowing the topic for this week seemed like a fitting companion.

Alex.

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I Promise You, Kid

[Haven’t Met You Yet – Michael Buble]

So I noticed that I hadn’t blogged in about a week, and I realized I would therefore fail my 15 a month target if I didn’t write something soon.

I’ve sort of just been sitting at home doing nothing, which is probably what I’m writing about today. I like to analyze my own actions after a while.

A few of my friends feel that they’re wasting their lives in front of the computer screen – social networking just doesn’t hold the thrill anymore. They want to go out and get a job and start working towards the dream life they have.

I also want to work towards that dream life but I’m still sort of in the mindset of a kid – I have plenty of time to do it later, when I’m older. Except I am older.

And I think I have been hiding/held back by the fact that my parents aren’t giving me much freedom, and I couldn’t get a job. But I don’t know what the ratio of each is. I mean I do have friends that tell me to “just do it”, as in just move out and beย independent. However it’s kind of hard to do it when I don’t have any means to support myself. Right now, my bank account is somewhere at 15 dollars.

I think that’s why I’m really looking forward to going to New York for exchange (have I mentioned this?). If I get the exchange, I will be going to my dream city for half a year learning about stuff I love, all the while being independent – at the same time financially I should still be supported somewhat (even though I still really need to get a job). So it’s sort of an incentive and a trial (dream city and independence) without the shameful failure.

However, I don’t think I’ll be able to disengage myself from the internet. I don’t think it’s a matter of my wasting my time on it, or being addicted to it (though in both cases it’s true), but rather the internet is such a huge part of what I find interesting about the media, that disengaging myself from it would be cheating myself of happiness.

There, I justified my addiction. Bring on the interventions!

Anyway, I’ve sort of been a recluse for the last few days, and after not getting another job (even though I do have a work experience somewhere! It doesn’t earn me money – if anything it takes up money – so I don’t know how I will do), my ego has taken a hit. But I have organized to go out a little bit in the next few days to bring my mood back up again.

Alex.

The Quiet Screaming

The Quiet Screaming – Legion of Doom.

Original artists are (in order of song appearance, lyrics wise):

Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessionals

and

The Quiet Things No One Ever Knows by Brand New.

Catherine noted that I hadn’t blogged in a while. Apart from lack of material, also I just didn’t feel like it.

My iPod came to this song today while I was by myself at Jack’s, and the starting riffs just took me so completely, just reflected my mood, that I couldn’t stop thinking about this song.

It seems mashed up, I know, and Amy said so. But I think most of the appeal from the song is that I am so familiar with Dashboard’s half, and I’m semi-familiar with Brand New’s half, and the mash-up was just right.

Anyway, enjoy.

Alex.