Let me ask, would you like that?

[Diary Of Jane – Breaking Benjamin]

Day 01: Your views on death, how you cope, etc

Clearly I forgot to do it yesterday.

I haven’t really been faced properly with death that affected me personally and on a great level, so I really can’t say – the only deaths that I’ve been near were the deaths of a friend’ father, and my maternal grandmother when I was 7, so the emotional ties really weren’t strong.

I’m not religious enough/at all to believe that there is a heaven after death, and even after watching 6 seasons of Supernatural which straddled between cynicism and Christianity given your interpretation, I still don’t think there is a heaven after death. But do I think that when the heart stops beating blood and the brain stops firing off electrons, there marks the end of something? No, I think that a life goes on even beyond the clinical death – but I do mean that in a symbolic way. Any sentence beginning with “Remember when Rod…?” or “As Rod used to say…” is a continuation of that life.

I would like to think that there is a plane where the consciousness goes after death, but what is consciousness I cannot begin to define. Or fathom. I cannot even imagine being dead – I think of that last moment right before, when I become certain that I am going to die. I think if I will regret it, “Oh the things that I will never experience”. But why would I regret it? If my personal consciousness really is going lights out in the next moment, I won’t exactly go on to notice all the things that I’m missing while missing it. My “legacy” lives on through the connections I’ve made whilst alive – the experiences that I “have” are for their own spiritual satisfaction and benefit, I personally wouldn’t and couldn’t care less. If my consciousness reaches another plane – whether that be whatever my own equivalent of heaven is (because I am not going to the Christian Heaven that’s for sure), or reincarnation, or I haunt the crap out of all those people spiritually benefiting from experiences I will never experience, I doubt I’d be in a position to envy, be aware of, or care about those experiences.

As to how to cope – I honestly cannot answer that without having to cope with a personal death myself.

But any loss is something difficult to get over, isn’t it? Whether it be a close and horrific death, or something comparatively trivial – the feeling of loss hurts all the same.

So how do I deal with loss? I suppose I can fool myself into believing that “they’re in a better place now”, or living happily as a much loved puppy dog, or simply watching me wonder if their consciousness is okay. Or I can focus on myself – which I do most of the time, anyway. I can tell myself that they are gone from my immediate reach, and that sucks, and I’m allowed to be very sad about that for a while, but at some point I should manage that sadness into healthy respectful doses, and move on with my life, spiritually satisfying myself by doing all the things that the person now can’t.