She Will Always Be My Sunkissed Trampoline

[Little Joanna – McFly]

This is Day 2 of Sorrento.

Damn it, I left it too long, things are getting hazy. That and I’m trying to finish off the rest of the tequila (about 1/3 of the bottle) that no one else wanted to take home.

Before I continue, though, I just want to say that the lyrics are always random. Dani said that the brain automatically tries to make some connection to some hidden meaning.

I started the 2nd day with Jen’s and Annie’s voices waking me up. It was ironic because it was Annie’s voice (and Tiff’s, screaming stuff like “STOP TOUCHING ME THERE!” – they shared a bed) that kept me up the previous night. I turned on the TV and watched Sesame Street. The letter of the day is J, and the number was 16.

Anyway, everyone got up at some point, stumbled around and had breakfast (Jen made the most orgasmic scrambled eggs) and then got ready for the beach.

Went to the beach, which was about 5 minutes away, and on the way passed some road workers, one of whom offered to “be your lifeguard, if ya want?”. No.

Slapped on sunscreen (apparently not enough in some places, as we found out later). Then decided to fill up my water gun. I actually went completely into the water in my tank top and running shorts, which was dumb because the shorts were designed to hold water, so after I stood up, I looked like I was pissing myself for about 5 minutes. We decided to “dig a hole, and put a nerd in it”. So April went in. Then we did the obligatory body shape thing, except we decided to go for a Lady GaGa theme.

Er, yes, the gun is in fact her “gun”.

And you can’t see as clearly, but the assets on her chest were Spanna sized. In April’s own words, she “can’t even see past them”.

The weather was awesome. We were worried that at best we can get half a day of windy cold beach, but instead we got this (and sorry for the chapped lips, but salt water is yucky. Yes I had some in my mouth. April thought it would HILARIOUS):

That, by the way, is Spanna. You can’t see her boobies but trust you me, they’re…what’s a synonym for big? Gigantic? Yeah okay.

Anyway, frolicked around in the sand for a bit. We ate packed sandwiches, and Bel’s sandwich got attacked by some hungry seagulls, who continued to try to nom the half sandwich the whole way through lunch.

Speaking of annoying things hanging around; the workers that were all pervy before came back and blatantly sat at the top of the beach, about 10 meters away from us, and watched us. They actually ate lunch watching us. Well, at least we all believed it was us (Shar- got really creeped out) it could be the ocean view but we highly doubted it.

Sunbaked heaps. Well, they sunbaked. I simply let myself crisp. I think I’ll probably die for posting this picture but hell.

To whomever this picture depicts: If you simply don’t tell me off for putting it there no stranger will know who you are. To the people who do recognise the girl: I KNOW RIGHT?! KERCHOW!

Went back at around 2 or 3, and then Jen, Spanna and I wrote up the stuff for Carmaine (just quick birthday notes, filled with love) and I took a quick shower. The gritty nature of my hair was great, I felt like a true surfie. Actually I just felt salty and burnt. This was the burn on my back:

It’s actually quite embarrassing to show it. It looks so dumb.

Alright, so then Jen and I, get this, walked into Blairgowrie again. Remember that map from yesterday? I did it AGAIN! Turned out I had pretty awful sunburn on the backs of my feet so the walking didn’t help. Nearly fainted once. It was awful. In the end we missed the cutoff time for posting it (who knew at Sorrento/Blairgowrie it would be 3pm?) so Carmaine, you probably received it by now, a day late. Sorry!

Went back, and then had dinner. It was the best dinner ever! We had some of the best dinner table conversations ever, starting from Tiff saying to everyone, “Oh my gosh, Spanna is such a freak in bed” (she meant Annie was just being weird, not the other meaning. But we all took it the other way anyway, and I was choking with laughter for about 3 whole minutes) to my saying “they should invent fly nets with holes for the face and arms so you could stick your face and arms through the whole while you eat” and April countering with, “why can’t you just get nets that go all around the table?”

That night we played punishment. Basically two names are drawn, and then a punishment drawn. Whatever the punishment is (we kept it tame and civil) the two have to do to each other. For example, April had to do a CS Cowboy shot (do not ask what CS is)

Once I got drawn out with the punishment “cut a bit off the fringe”. Everyone else was saying, “Oh that’s easy.” But I actually was terrified. NOT MY FRINGE! I passed it over to Shar-. She didn’t give a crap.

Then we watched Scream. That movie was done by Scary Movie, and we all agreed that the movie was MADE to be parodied. Because the movie itself felt like a parody. It was horrendously hilarious, but for the fun of it we all did the screaming like “GET OUT OF THE ROOM!” “HE’S BEHIND YOU!” “JUMP OFF THE ROOF!” “DON’T RUN UPSTAIRS!” “RUN, BITCH! RUN!” I think scary movies are just much more fun when you’re with friends who get scared easily (April, I’m looking at you) and scream so you scream to make them scream.

Then after that we watched a bit of Team America but everyone went to sleep anyway. Pretty much I only wanted Sonam to see the puppet sex scene, which she did. She said at the end of it, “there were things that I didn’t know…you could do.” Well, we learn something new everyday.

Tiff, Spanna and I were the last ones to bed. That’s because the 3 of us were the most/only ones burnt, and we were in pain. Tiff had the massive-est burn on her back. It was actually painful to look at it. I wanted to hug her but hugs also pain her. Breathing probably pained her. We used up a very long spanking session worth of moisturizer on her back. (Speaking of moisturizers, it turned out we had medicated sun burn lotion at home. Dad didn’t think we’d need it at the beach, apparently.)

I slept at around 4:30, after checking my emails and FML on my phone. Then I woke up at 8:30 from Jen’s voice. That’s a story for the next post, though.

Alex.

Happy birthday Hamwu!

Got a fair amount to write about today. So here goes:

Before I get to Andrew’s surprise dinner, I just want to say that today I finally pinpointed why Jack (the tutor)’s laugh is so strange.

IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE DR. HIBBERT FROM THE SIMPSONS!

Alright, so after I finished at my 12:30 session at Jack’s, during which I sat next to 2 strangers and I had Biro, Zhu- and Mon- 2 rows behind me (Jack kept on calling Zhu- “Zohan”) I went to take a train from Springvale up into the city. Springvale, let me say now, is dodgy. I was there on a Sunday afternoon, no EASTER Sunday afternoon, and I felt its dodginess. Imagine a Thursday night. Brr.

Organized to meet April under the Clock (from now on I will refer to “under the clock at Melb Central” as “UCMC”) at around 3:30. So I got there and started playing my DS, and I get a text from her saying that she’d had some ticket inspectors get on the tram and she didn’t have any coins (nor a ticket, obviously). She told me later that when she saw them get on, she kind of said loudly into her phone, “Oh oh okay, I’ll get off right now, see you later!” And walked from Flinders to Melb Central. All that happened was I got an extra 15 minutes of game time.

We went in search for places that are open – toilets first. Had a joke along the way that the only things that are open are ones run by Asians. Not much had proven otherwise as we went up to the bathroom near Nandos on the upper level of Melb Central. One stall was out of toilet paper and the other blocked. Went down to the one near Bubble Cup near the turnstiles. On the way down, we went down an escalator that had stopped. I said to April, “See, this escalator is run by white people. And the one next to us which is still on is run by Asians. Equal job opportunities, but we just work harder.”

Went down Swanston to Starbucks on Lonsdale (I’m getting used to the street names…finally) and sat outside on a bench because the seats were taken (the Starbucks had to be run by Asians). Then a couple in a SmartCar pulled up and parked right beside us. We started laughing at the car because it looked like a normal car with its arse chopped off. The guy went into the cafe to get a drink, and his girlfriend appeared to be trying to sleep in the car. I wondered why she didn’t just recline back when I realized that if she’d reclined her seat she would break through the back of the car.

Sophie came later, and we went up to UCMC, where some people were already waiting. Then, Soph’s boyfriend whose name is rather distinct so I won’t write it here, he came with a Scream mask – as he was going to a costume party later. When Andrew and Dani came – AND IT WAS A SURPRISE! Andrew kept saying how sneaky Dani was – there was about a 5 minute gap between them coming and us leaving, during which SBF (Soph’s boyfriend) went around ghosting people (ghosting, like Hamish and Andy ghosting) in the mask. He followed 2 Asian guys who noticeably walked faster and faster to get away from him. And all we did was stand in a group and giggle. Actually, we walked down Swanston to Red Silks with him in the mask, and an Asian guy took a picture with him and got a hug (we all laughed) and 4 TB Asian girls went past him and started giggling hysterically. Soph is a lucky girl.

Winston gave Andrew 2 huge stuffed animals, a bear and a monkey. I don’t know what he ended up naming them. So the 2 large (when I say large, I mean they’re about the size of my upper body head inclusive) animals went with us into China Town.

I think at this point I should mention the presence of Doug and Kat (or Cat…sorry I didn’t ask), and that Dani gave Andrew a new manly watch. During dinner, the group was split into two. To be blunt, one table were the Asian TBs and gangsters, and the other one was the couples table, except for April, another dude whose name I forgot, and myself. I sat opposite Doug. So Andrew was trying to figure out how to set the time on the watch, and must’ve said something like “wow it has so many functions!” because when I went into the conversation, I heard Doug joking about a watch that had an irony meter – so you don’t look stupid saying something is ironic when it isn’t. Then Dani said that it could also have a Gay-Dar. Doug pretended to go “bip bip bip BEEP BEEP BEEP” when it “pointed” at Dani, and I added, “Dani would probably say, ‘baby, there’s something I need to tell you.’ ‘I ALREADY KNOW!'” And Doug finished with, “At this point the irony meter would probably go off.”

So from that point on all through the night everytime I said irony we would pretend the “irony meter” went off.

Kat, Doug’s girlfriend, is good at singing. And Red Silks decided to play a collection of the sappiest love songs, to which Kat knew most of the lyrics. She would burst into song, which also meant she couldn’t eat. I made the remark that if she sings to every song she knew, she’d never finish her meal. Later on came a song she hated, and she said, “Oh good I get a chance to eat now!”

And, a final mini story. SBF ordered the Kiao Teow, which Red Silks does a bit spicy. SBF was sweating as he was eating it, remarking how much he loves it, and Soph decided to try a bit. Soph does NOT do well with chilli, and started gulping down water. So April handed Soph her water, and I handed Soph mine, and then I took Kat’s to give to Soph. She sat there for 4 minutes afterwards just trying to get the feeling away. In the meantime, Kat and I had a sound argument over whether milk or water is better when dealing with chilli.

So, that was the end of the night. Everyone went to Dani’s place but I had to go home, so I don’t know what happened afterwards. But it was a great night, and SBF in the mask is unforgettable. (Like when he tried to do the Spiderman kiss with the mask half off and it wouldn’t come off.)

Alex.