Emotionally Retarded

I found a file lodged in my cyber folder today, and it was a sort of apology letter to someone from Brentwood that I wrote when I was in Yr 8.

I was so incredibly emotionally retarded.

Here is the apology letter, more or less (the only changes I made are censoring of names):

Hey R-.
Ok, the reason I’m writing this on Notepad is coz i’m not on the Net.
Now, firstly, i wanna say, don’t close this file coz it’s plenty important.
Ok, second thing is hopefully this IS rachael reading this and not M-or H- or somebody. if it is please call r- to the computer.
Finally, i’ll say that this is an apology note.

Ok, now, my internet is v slow so that’s why i’m writing it on notepad first.

Firstly, i wanna say sorry bout calling you a sissy or prissy on Monday. I mean, that IS why you’re mad, right? OK, i’m really sorry about that, seriously, and please stop ignoring me coz it makes me feel bad and i don’t like to feel bad. (how selfish of me)

Next, i’m sorry about the j-/g-/footy team thing, because you’re right; it is mean. and i sure as hell wouldn’t want you or anybody to say that to me, and you don’t deserve it either. heck, you deserve it less than me coz you’re so nice to me. Hmm, did that sound a little bit soppy?

Anyways, lastly i wanna say sorry for being such a crappy friend. I am. I am always mean to you and i never treat you like I want to be treated, and yet you still treat me nicely. That’s not fair for you. And see, i’m such a crappy friend that i’m making you read this sorry note like this. In fact, i’m surprised you still consider me as a friend, I am truly lucky, too lucky.

Ok, that was it. Oh and i’m sorry for any mean things i will do in the future, because i probably won’t realize it until it’s too late. By that i mean i’ll have left the school.

And please don’t mention this at school coz you know me, i ain’t an emotional person and this is plenty emotional. Just reply thru email, yeah? yeah? good.

oH one last thing: i swear to god i’ll never bag you ever again. Or at least i’ll rilly try, ok?

Sincerely (i know that pisses you off)

PS: we still friends?

pps: by the time you read this, maybe it’s already next week (today’s wednesday), so yeah….maybe we’re friends again by then, but chances are no.

ppps: this file is called school thing coz i don want my oldies to read this. so yeah…lol.

Apart from the clear indication of half-assed-ness in just about every second word, I read that and I wonder, how the hell did I possibly expect R- to forgive me? Yet I know she did.

So there it is, I was a complete emotional retard a few years back. I don’t know why – or maybe I subconsciously do – but certain things that happened during my 2 years at Brentwood I try to cover up. I know it’s foul of me to do, there are incredible people and friends that I met and made during those 2 years, but when I look back all I can remember are the moments where I have to cringe, eg that letter, and when I wanted to hit myself.

De Fluffe, Out.