Hypothesis

Maybe she didn’t blog because she didn’t want to.

Maybe she had a lot to blog about in the past few days, and had been on the brink of insanity and depression but didn’t. Because she thought she’d get out of it. Maybe she did get out of it. Maybe she didn’t.

Maybe she had a huge load that needed to be dispersed, and blogging was the only way to do it. Except Time had dispersed it. Or maybe Time had merely covered the symptoms.

Maybe she’s fine.

Maybe she’s been doing great in her life, and she’s looking forward to the holidays, when she can sleep in.

Maybe she’s worried about upcoming SACs, such as her Chinese oral, or her English Language, or Methods.

Or maybe she has resolved to prepare thoroughly like she’s never done before.

Maybe both. Maybe she’s okay and she’s not okay. She can’t be certain what she is, because even she doesn’t know.

Confusion, that’s part of it, but something more. Sometimes she’d glide away and there would be stretches of time, white time, until she’d come back and the entire prospect of the future would come crashing down on her. She’d feel like she was suffocating, drowning, and the only way out is to end it herself so that she wouldn’t have to succumb to another power.

The trick then, was to distract herself and pretend that she’ll get through it.

Alex.

For You In Full Blossom

A.k.a. Hanazakari no Kimitachi e. A.K.A. Hana Kimi.

I watched it 2 years ago, when it came out. Twice. But just this weekend I’d gotten legit copies of it so I’ve been watching it again.

Right, so the reason I haven’t blogged in such a long time is because of this:

Firstly, my net capped. As per usual when my net caps, I wait until the new month to blog, because WordPress takes a while to load on a capped net. However, just a few days ago my computer decided to die on me. Apparently viruses finally got the better of it. We’d taken it to a family friend’s so he can reformat it (and hopefully back up all my files somewhere) but yeah it’s pretty sad not having the computer there. Walking into the study and seeing the empty space where the CPU used to be, it’s like walking into a room where someone had just moved out forever. Well it’s coming back but I still miss it.

As a result, I can’t go online at all, except at school, which is where I am right now, writing a delayed blog post. I can’t go on Facebook, and as Emily had noted I have been absent on MSN for a long time (which is how she figured something was wrong with my computer). I shudder at how many notifications I’d have to sort through when I get back. OR, alternatively and true to FML, I’d go back and realize I don’t have a single notification from a friend asking for my whereabouts. I’m reading a lot more now (what else can I do?) so the other day, neglecting to read my school set texts of In the Lake of the Woods and Hard Times, or not even finish my Hitchhiker’s Guide series, I borrowed a teen novel called Unwind, as well as Frankenstein and The Green Mile by Steven King. No idea if I will finish any of those, considering I should get my computer back soon.

So so, what has been happening in my life outside of my technological setback?

On Tuesday, school started late because of the parent-teacher interview the evening prior. BRuCE went to school early to make breakfast in the Common Room (Eunice had found a recipe for microwave omelette) only to find others with similar ideas. Except Sanj. Sanj went to school early because she thought she was being on time.

We heated up soup, and then Eunice made the omelette, which was really nice – totally worth making the Common Room smell like onions – and then, since the Yr 9s were having a year level breakfast, all their left over food came to us. So we have 7 2L bottles of milk and 3 large tins of Milo at our disposal. We even went as far as THANKING the Yr 9s for their contribution.

On Wednesday I had my hair cut. It’s not that big a deal but I have to style it now. It’s the 2nd day with the haircut but I’m still receiving a few compliments. Yay! Again, totally worth waking up 10 minutes early just to do my hair.

Tomorrow I start my English tutoring at Tye for Hard Times, which is a problem seeing as I haven’t really READ THE BOOK! I wonder if that’ll matter. Oh wel the shit will come when it comes.

My cousin’s birthday was last week, I don’t know if I mentioned. I called her up over the weekend and we had a talk, and then started to exchange emails. It’s pretty nice to be in touch with my cousin again, I feel. Hopefully it’s the same for her. I should probably give her the link to this blog when I frequent my entries again.

Well, here comes May. Time seems to be playing tricks. For a period of time it seems like the week will never end, yet we’ve stepped into May, nearly halfway through. I am loving my time with my friends now more than ever, because I am often being told by last year’s Yr 12s that after graduation you hardly get to see your friends. I really really don’t want to be distanced from my best friends.

Ahhh too sentimental. I have to write this quickly because I may not get another chance to blog until after the weekend (hopefully computer will be back by my next entry).

Finally:

To be able to discern the re-twining of the netting in our safety net, I feel much more at ease. Four pairs of hands, and four hearts and minds are simply so much stronger and efficient.

Alex.

Time

It’s strange how yesterday I could be thinking a few weeks into the future, and today I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. All the scenes I’ve envisaged for my holidays now have a question mark hanging over them because I don’t know what will happen.

…I know I’m not famous for my tact or sensitivity, but I wish that this time I’d know what to say.

I remember feeling something like this right before I started MacRob. I remember clearly that school was starting on a Tuesday and a new season of the OC was starting (it was right after Marissa killed Trey, Ryan’s brother. I remember this detail because Forever Young was playing in the background of the promo) and I remember sitting in front of the TV watching the promo for the OC which would air on Tuesday night, and wondering at the fact that when the show does air, I would’ve just finished my first day at my new school. And I don’t even know why I was so worried about starting MacRob because if I think about it now, I’d be more worried returning to Brentwood. MacRob is just so full of amazing people.

Anyway, I’m just here to ponder a little bit about Time, and how so much can happen in so little, changing the course of events.

I have to go to dinner. Even though I’m not hungry. I’m never hungry when I’ve got a lot on my mind. People sometimes tell me that I watch too much TV, but the thing is TV calms me down and lets me relax. If I don’t watch TV (yes I do watch it a bit too much sometimes) then I don’t know how stressed and bitchy I’d be. People have different releases. Music, jogging, napping, mine is unfortunately TV.

De Fluffe, Out.