I’ve Never…

Today after school I had lunch with Vania, Spanna and Julia at Nando’s at Melb Central, the one upstairs near the ticket place for Hoyts. Spanna had KFC but anyway.

Vania had Lemon and Herb and Julia, from memory, had Hot, and I had Extra Hot chicken wrap. We were all mucking around saying how Annie can’t handle chilli, and I told them about how when I was in primary school I ate so much chilli once I bled out of my nose. Julia choked laughing.

We started playing “I’ve Never” which I’ve never played before this but of course we all know about the game. For those who don’t know, basically you go around in a circle and say something you’ve never done (or that you have done, but just want to see who else has done it). If you’ve done whatever has been said, you take a drink. In our case, we took a bit of the “Medium” chilli sauce. It wasn’t that exciting for me, I mean the Medium ones were basically sour. But anyway.

I won’t delve the information that I learned today while playing, ‘cos you know, I’m nice like that. But it was a funny moment when Annie finally learned after nearly 4 years together that Julia has a brother. Actually we learned so much about Julia today.

It was a good lunch.

Also, after the whole “fiasco” WHICH NO ONE WILL MENTION UNTIL I DO HERE blows over, I’ll tell you all about what happened this week. I will rant. I will also explain why I’m delaying my rant.

Alex.

Some random title…I don’t fucking know…

Ok coming up with witty titles is hard, especially when you’re not quite sure what you want to write about yet. So in this instance “you” is “me”. Bad grammar? Bite me. (That was aimed at Dom, who criticized my grammar in an email.)

I don’t even know why I started one, a post I mean, just that I felt like writing.

Right now, I am on MSN with Julia. Before that I was on with Vania. I mean, I’m still with Vania. This does NOT sound like cheating.

Julia dropped me a line on Facebook asking if I was online. I wasn’t. So when I was I said so. Comments were exchanged, and Julia came on MSN and started talking to me. At first Vania and I thought she would ask me about Monash tomorrow, and I was a tad disappointed because I thought Julia was going to, you know, strike up an exciting conversation with me.

I think the way I structured that sentence is about to confuse you, because I was wrong about being wrong.

Julia is now talking to me exactly how I thought she would be talking to me before I thought she would be talking to me about Monash. And I am really honestly enjoying it. I enjoy the fact that she’s talking to me properly (not like…not that she usually I dunno grunts at me) and I enjoy talking to her past grunts. Metaphorical ones, of course.

It just seems that sometimes I am missing the huge amounts of gratitude that I owe people. Whether they were being nice “out of duty as a friend” (to paraphrase myself) or if they actually give a shit, I still owe them a thanks. But sometimes, and it’s not that I forget, but I just don’t feel the gratitude towards them because their care didn’t actually SOLVE the problem I was having, and if anything, at the time, their care made me feel worse. But as social conventions require, I thank them and I say I’m okay.

I am okay now, though, in all honesty on my stupid blog, I am okay now. But what am I mean to say then? “No I’m shit, but hey look there is honestly NOTHING you can do to help.” That doesn’t make them feel better. People – and this is so cynical – try to help other people because by being all humanitarian they in turn feel better themselves. So if I deny them that chance to feel better for themselves, then I just made someone else unhappy.

I’m coming off as a liar, I know. I’d meant that…seeing as they can’t do anything anyway, let them have their good feelings. Because in the end, it’s the people who seriously, genuinely (and be honest to yourself here, you know if you GENUINELY care) want to help that won’t stop at a “yeah I’m okay” because they can tell if something’s wrong.

Shit this is one of my worst grammatical posts yet.

Okay, this isn’t going to lead anywhere, but I’ve written out half a thousand words I’m not backspacing it now.

Thank you, Julia.

Alex.