I Don’t Believe That Anybody Feels The Way I Do

[Wonderwall – Oasis]

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Dear reflection,

Fuck you so sexy, if ya just be looking at thems bwois they be melting at their knees and begging to treat ya right.

Or some shit like that, right?

They tell us to love ourselves because we’re all beautiful, no matter how big our breasts, how perky our butts, how thin our legs, how high our cheekbones are (this is just, you know, for the girls. I mean, hell, guys might want perky bums as well I don’t know) but how many people REALLY see themselves in the mirror and go “fuck yeah that’s what I’m talking about”? Because I bet each and every one of them think, “Oh, I wish my skin was smoother” or something small, or big.

The difference is if they let that bother them. It’s not exactly “love the skin you’re in”, but rather “be predominantly not so bothered by the shortcomings of the skin you’re in”. And if you have something which you bloody think is brilliant, I say go fucking flaunt it. This period of time might be the only time in your life that that part is the best part, so go flaunt it – I say this without condoning wearing barely anything to show off your long legs. I mean…leave something to the imagination, please.

Okay, that’s the purely physical side of what I think about reflections.

The strange thing is, do you ever feel like you’re old? Because you see yourself everyday, and I just wonder how the hell do people actually think I look old enough to go into a bar (yes I know I get carded, but for argument’s sake we’ll say I don’t) because to me, I still am this little girl back in Gr 4. When I was about to leave primary school, everyone was saying how it was so strange that they were the oldest in the school, and that the preps saw them how they used to see the other old kids.

But hell, if the bouncers reckon I can get in, I’m not arguing.

It’s not like the face in the reflection still holds the same amount of wisdom behind it as it did in Gr 4. So I suppose in all senses that a hurrah for me.

Anyway, this is my last letter from my 30 days of letters. I think I should thank Bianca for telling me that it’s awesome, and I should thank everyone who’d read this. It wasn’t as repetitive as I thought it would be, even though I wrote pretty much all to girls than guys. I don’t know if I’ve made some self-discovery in these letters, but I suppose it cleared things up to write them.

So, for the last time in this series, but not for the last time in the blogs,

Alex.

Like a marathon

I’m a pretty huge fan of talking and writing in metaphors and analogies and whatnot. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it. A lot of the times when friends come to me for help, I’ve tried to put their situation into an analogy so they can sort of see how to get out of it. I guess in a way I’m like a nicer and…slightly less intimidating version of S- Sensei.

What had happened was, and I hope it’s okay for me to share this story, Sensei would give us analogies of what was happening with our schoolwork. So once when I wrote an essay too long, and wrote a criteria out of range, he told me that by doing that I’ve basically received 2 black eyes. A double knockout. Because not only did I get marks taken off for going over the limit, I’ve also not filled in the criteria because they don’t mark what is out of range. Anyway, there was the one memorable one. A student was struggling a little in class, and went to Sensei to ask whether she should continue Japanese for Yr 12. His response (my closest recollection to her paraphrasing of what he said) was this:

“Imagine that we are all playing a game of basketball, but you are really fat. So even if you run around a lot, and you shout ‘pass me the ball!’ and you do this and you do that, you’re still fat, and you’re going to be very tired after the first quarter. Everyone else is skinny and healthy, so they can keep running but you’re fat so you’re going to die by halftime. This is you in Japanese. You are the fat basketball player.”

So, basically, I think he wasn’t so hot on her continuing Japanese. I thought he could’ve said, “Look I know you’re trying your best but the workload in Yr 12 is even harder so many this isn’t the best choice for you.” or something along those nice lines that teachers are made to say. Kudos to him though, for voicing it in a humorous way.

I think there was a time when a friend of mine was having relationship problems – or rather, problems with getting over it – and I said something like, “Ultimately, this is a bridge that you have to build alone, to get over. I mean, we your friends have given you the materials and the support and all that, but you’re gonna have to build the thing. It’s tempting to just stay on the side you are now, but I think to move on, you’d have to build that bridge.” I think she’s really on her way to doing it.

Okay, but the metaphor/analogy (I’d say metaphor) that made me smile today was this:

(I had to edit out bits that would make it personal)

“Think of your relationship as a marathon. You start off a little jerkily then you settle into a rhythm once you get into it. Sooner or later though you’ll hit a curve or an obstacle and you have to deal with it, If you don’t your [sic] stuck there not going anywhere. But once you get past it you’ve gained that much more and it means something, even if it’s small. Then you keep going. “

And the more I thought about that the more right she was (whoever the hell you are, you crazy thing). At the start of a friendship, you’re so energized, you feel you can sprint the whole way. Then you slow down, maybe tire out. It’s once you settle into that rhythm, and time gets its claws into you, that you can really test out your endurance. So many runners fall out, they give up. But if you last the distance, that feeling that you get when you cross the finish line, it’s like you’re “on top of the world” as I was told recently. And yeah, on the way you’ll meet potholes, snakes, hobos, whatever, but they’re mere distractions. They’re not world-ending.

I’m interested in making a VCE metaphor that includes piranhas and Tasmania Jones (OH NO I DIDN’T!)

Keep Cool (and runnin’)

D.F.

P.S. Yeah I actually just thought about signing off with “Keep Cool” and then something to do with the blog I just wrote. Let’s see how long I can last doing that.