Hurry Annie!

So, having had 3 hours sleep, I met up with Mela at the Glen right after I wrote that previous post. We took the train up, and realized that we were both exhausted and a bit too hot – the day was shaping up to be a lot warmer than forecast.

We got to Melbourne Central and agreed on some ice-cold shots of caffeine. I got a Double Beef’n’Cheese so I wouldn’t be consuming caffeine on an empty stomach, and Mela gave me that exasperated “Aleeeeex” because I eat unhealthy.

I had the Voltage thing at Gloria Jeans, which sounded nice but they had little bits of I-don’t-even-know black things and they stuck to my teeth. And it tasted horrible.

Mela got me a matching teddy bear to the one I got her, and so Mela-bear is now sitting snugly in my bed waiting for me to join it tonight. We took many photos with Mela-bear with Mela-person’s new Nikon camera, but she hasn’t uploaded them yet.

We went into the uni for me to print off my essays and hand them in. 19 pages of blood, sweat and tears sat in my hand as I grouped them with their respective cover sheets and slipped them into the essay submission slot. It wasn’t until much later in the day that I realized I never signed the area of declaration against plagiarism.

We went to 7/11 for our free slurpee, and then went back to Melbourne Central for a bit of sitting down before lunch, because it was uncomfortably hot and I was suffering in my new, stiff skinny jeans. The “a bit of sitting down” turned into nearly an hour of the two of us sitting on those bamboo couches and generally being annoying. Or, at least, I was, because I was very tired and I felt like being a bitch. Mela put up with it nicely, patiently waiting for me to make my mind up what to eat. We were so tired and lazy that, sitting pretty much 5 steps away from the nearest food vendor, we called up Annie, Clare, Jen and Julia in case one of them would be in the city to buy our lunch for us.

In the end we went to QV to eat. Halfway through, Annie texted saying that she was still at Bentleigh. This was at past 3, and with under an hour until the deadline, we were getting worried. So Mela-person and I ate our food quickly and hurried down to the uni to meet Jen, Anna and Josh, and together we filled out Annie’s cover sheets ahead of time so that when she arrived all she had to do was staple them together and hand it in.

We sat there for over half an hour in stress waiting for Annie, whose train decided to stop running. As more and more people piled in, and the clock hand crept towards the 12 (with the little hand at the 4 and stuff), we got extremely worried.

Finally, at 5 past 4, with people still lining up so it seemed that Annie has escaped late submission, the girl rushes into the room. We greet her with showers of bulldog clips, staplers and papers, and quickly threw her essays into the submission box. And, with that flourish of barely concealed dread, Annie’s 2nd year of university was over.

We started heading to Passionflower, but as we were leaving the campus I realized for the first time that my phone wasn’t in my pocket – a curious event, considering how large the phone is compared to how tight my jeans are. Josh found it in the library, after a blessed soul handed it in without stealing it. We went to Passionflower – but not after getting our 2nd free Slurpee – but Mela and I had to leave earlier because we’d been out way too late the night before.

And now I will finish my final Writing for Screen assessment, and be free like a candy wrapper caught in the up-drought.

Alex.

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A Bit Of Comic Relief…At Someone Else’s Expense

What other kind of comedy is there? I mean, in the end the funniest kind of comedy is always when someone else is suffering right? “Any amount of pain, just below death, is funny,” said Jim Carrey (or Steve Carell. Damn I can’t remember.)

So, on my blogroll sits a link to a site called Overheard Everywhere. For those who might not have caught onto what Overheard Everywhere is about, it’s a site where people contribute quotes or conversations they overhear, all over the world. As Vania had once done (dude, I really need to stop leeching off you. We all know how much leeches are a bother), I’ll put up some rather funny ones:

(Warning: I don’t have a good sense of inappropriateness. So, unlike Vania, my choices might have a lot of swearing or huge sexual references. Huge. Yeah…)

Girl #1: What’s an orgasm?
Girl #2: It’s like when two people get excited during sex.
Girl #1: So, like, when they go “rawwwrr!”
Girl #2: Uh…yeah. Sure.


College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called “Cumming,” we have a store called “BJ’s,” and a store called “Dick’s,” and a “Siemens” water tower.


Dad to little girl: I’m going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Dad! I don’t want to eat a puppy.
Dad: I’m not going to feed you a puppy, I’m going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Oh, that’s okay, I like puppies.

Ten-year-old girl to passing adult man: What’s your name?
Mother, scolding: Do you have to hit on every man you see?

Asian chick: I’m going to meet my old boss at that Thai restaurant. You know, the one with the woman that feels me up.
Asian dude: Oh, yeah. Aren’t all Thai women bisexual?

Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don’t mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it’s no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah…is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There’s two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don’t joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t thinking of places to hide your body.

Physical education teacher, demonstrating the overhead smash in badminton: So I’m gonna find myself in a bad position and Sean is just gonna unload on me.

Elderly woman: I can’t believe they let you sell Obama cookies here! Tsk!
Employee: Ma’am, those are just gingerbread cookies.

Whiny three-year-old: Mom! I’m hungry! I’m huuuungryyyyy!
Mother (calmly, without missing a beat): Well, you should probably shut up.

Emo boy: Matt! Tell her how you fucked up your face!
Matt: I was rubbing one out in the shower and when I came, my knees gave out and I hit my head on the faucet.
Emo girl (gasping and laughing hysterically): That is best thing I have ever heard!

Drunk lesbian to sober girlfriend: Aw, I wanna puke but I can’t!
Sober girlfriend: I would punch you in the stomach if you wanted …that’s how much I love you.
Drunk lesbian: Awww, that’s sweet.

Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I’m having such a good time I look Chinese.

I hope you’ve all had a laugh from that.

On a side note, you might have noticed I’ve changed the theme of my blog. It took me ages to decide on one I liked. I know that having a lot of writing on an inverse background (that is, black background, white writing) is not good and people tend to not read that, but I’ll take my chances. And besides now I have to not write too much, in case people stop reading.

And, since we’re on the topic of changes, I’ve adopted Vania and Julia’s habit of replying a comment within the comment. So if you think that I’m simply not replying you anymore, because you don’t see an increase in comment count, that’s not true; check into your comment.

Keep Cool (and stay looking Chinese)

D.F.